The Death of Miss Independent

Real Talk: Miss Independent is going to be the death of single Christian women.

Some years ago, Destiny's Child had a hit song singing praises to independent women around the world. Even Ne-yo had a song about him attraction to women "who held their own." The anthems says women who don't need a man for anything should be praised. Women should be their own bosses, play by their own rules, and bow to no man. Women sang those songs for months, buying into the idea that women need to take care of themselves and not depend on a man to do for them what they can do for themselves. I was singing right along with them because I too thought that being an independent woman was attractive and smart.

Boy was I wrong.

After having countless talks with male friends on the epidemic outbreak of independent women around the world, they hipped me onto some serious knowledge about the male way of thinking. To men, if she can take care of everything on her own, what does she need a man for? Guess women didn't think about how men would react when their very position in their lives was no long available. If women are taking care of every role that a man is meant to fulfill, we aren't leaving much room for them to be useful in our lives aside from the occasional bed warmer.

Ephesians 5:22-24 says "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Submit. Most women hate that word. Kinda hard to submit when you have been in control of every aspect of your life. Yet, in God's divine plan, He hard wired men to already understand that women are meant to submit to their husband...and husband need to be in a position to garner her respect by loving her as Christ loved the Church and presenting her without wrinkle or blemish. That would be the rest of Ephesians 5...more to come on that.

I sincerely believe that the lack of strong, secure, godly men has helped with the increased battle cry of independent women. Men who disrespect and mistreat women leave them in a position to have to guard their hardened hearts and play by their own rules to avoid heart break. Men who leave their children to be raised by single mothers leave them in a position to be the provider and security for the home. Not placing all the blame on men, but for those who did not heed the instructions of Ephesians to love her like the church leave her to fend for herself.

It's time to kill Miss Independent. I've never felt that any woman should be praised for taking care of herself and being responsible. Working and paying your own bills should be common sense, not something to be praised. Seriously. Women need to kill the Miss Independent mentality and embrace the Proverbs 31 mentality. "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." A woman who honors the Lord and His commands is worthy to be praised. A woman who knows the value in submitting to her husband (not being a doormat, but respecting him as the leader of her household) brings honor to herself and her family. Time out for looking towards the world to determine what is acceptable and worthy. God already wrote the book on that.

Spread The Wealth

I love relationships. I love discussing relationship issues, scenarios, boy meets girl kinda talks. I would not say I am a relationship guru by any sort but I have been in enough to know what works for me and what doesn't work for a lot of people. And of course being single, you have a lot of time to ponder various relationship topics. I try to refrain from the regular Cosmo or Glamour magazine relationship articles because most are so far from my idea of a God honoring relationship anyway. And of course there are not a lot of Christian single relationship magazines or resources out that are even worth looking at.

So what's a girl to do?

Luckily, in the past couple of years, I have run across some amazing resources for single Christian woman and their journey through life. For a while, I felt kinda guilty for having this wealth of knowledge that I deem credible and not share it with other women in my position. My hesitation always stemmed from the fact that very rarely do single Christian chicks talk about men and relationships. Almost like its taboo and no one wants to feel like they are obsessing or idolizing relationships or the fact that they are still single. You don't want to be that girl that is always talking about the fact that she doesn't have a man.

Lately, I have been feeling like it's time to have those open conversations that I am sure many of my single friends are dying to have simply because I am. I am blessed to have a couple of girlfriends (one single and one married) that I am free to discuss my relationship thoughts, rants, psycho obsessions, etc with and they give great advice. I am thankful that I have that outlet but many don't. If my single girlfriends are keeping all this questions and emotions bottled up and not really equipping themselves to navigate through this single season, we end up with a host of girls that unprepared to be godly girlfriends let alone godly wives.

My fear is that so many of my friends or women I know by association will enter relationships and marriages for the wrong reason. I know because I have seen it too many times. Most were just lonely and settled for whomever presented them with the offer. Some trick men into marrying them, some just wanted the wedding and didn't want to work at the marriage, some were incomplete and broken and figured a husband would make them whole. The Bible says the ultimate mystery is who 1 + 1 equals 1. It's not a mystery because 1/2 a person and 1/2 of another person certainly wont make 1 whole person. Marriage is a huge commitment and should not be entered into lightly.

"But Jesus said, 'Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.'"---Matthew 19:11-12 (Message)

That's where I come in. Well, actually this is where God comes in. I've been pondering a way to share all these thoughts, ideas, and resources with other girls in my circle but felt rather ill equipped. How am I going to talk with my friends about how to prepare to be a godly wife when I am single? Like really single. It wasn't until the day our church had its corporate baptisms that God spoke me and said "prepare my single daughters." I took that as a sign that He was really saying "Stop dragging your feet and share what I have already given you."

Time to get to work.