Some of the best advice that I have gotten about relationships, courting and marriage has been pretty simple: become someone worth finding. Everyone wants to find that one special person to spend the rest of their life with. We spend so much time analyzing that person and going through their nuiances with a fine tooth comb that we often neglect the most important critical analysis in the whole equation...ourselves. After putting this person through the ringer and our own checklist of must have qualities, do we stop and ask ourselves if we measure up to their expectations? Are we even someone that they would want to spend the rest of their life with?
Every relationship starts with a healthy you. It's our job to deal with our own hangups, hurts, and issues before entertaining the idea of becoming someone's significant other. It's never the job of a man to heal a woman's broken heart and insecurities. Those are repairs that only God can do with perfection. When I decided to follow Christ wholeheartedly, I knew that I had to leave guys behind for a while because I had about 28 years worth of wounds and scars that needed time to heal. I would be doing a guy a complete injustice if I were to enter any relationship knowing I could never give him my whole heart because parts of it still belongs with so many other people from my past. I knew I was not someone worth finding at that point.
I can officially say that I am at a point where I know who I am in Christ. I am firm in what I believe and what I will never compromise on. I love me enough to know that I refuse to settle for anything less that God's absolute best for me. If that means, I am single longer than most, it's not the end of the world. I have a passion for God's Kingdom and the lost who are far from Him. I have a heart for the body of Christ and I serve faithfully. I will be the first to admit that I have some insecurities but I will never allow the enemy to exploit my weak areas because my faith in God and my identity rooted in my Savior will always triumph.
Talking with a friend about a guy she likes made me even more aware of just how far I have come. After asking her those tough questions (Where are you in your relationship with Christ? Are you persuing your passions? What is God's purpose for your life? Have you dealt with your own insecurities and past hurts?) and seeing that she is still struggling with finding her own way, it made it even more clear about how important it is love yourself and to know the love of God. I knew her main purpose for our talk was about how to deal with the "notice" phase of a relationship, but I could not in good conscience let that be the focus and neglect where own personal and spiritual well-being. Too many relationships start when we are not even at our best selves. People spend so much time and energy trying to be with someone instead of learning to be happy in their own skin. I'm not anti-relationships but I am very pro-healthy and whole lives. Woman want the guy to meet all these benchmarks on their list never realizing that she doesn't quite measure up herself.
If he needs to have a great relationship with God, so do you.
If he needs to love children, so do you.
If he needs to be good with money, so do you.
If he needs to know what he wants to be doing in 5 years, so do you.
If he needs to have good morals and values, so do you.
If he needs to have boundaries, so do you.
If he needs to respect you, so do you.
I firmly believe that no man or woman should be in a position to make someone happy. That expectation is too unrealistic and unhealthy. No one should have that much control over your emotional well-being. Your significant other should add onto the happiness that you already have in your fulfilled, purposeful, and passion filled life. Together, you will both travel down the same path together, becoming better as a unit, operating in the calling that God has for you as that unit. Sometimes people think that my idea of God center relationships are a little far reaching and almost unrealistic, but I know my God well enough to know that He writes stories like this everyday. Nothing is impossible for Him and He takes delight in showing His majesty and power in the form of a healthy, godly relationship.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Pursuit of Happiness
I had an interesting conversation with a guy friend today about relationships, dating and courtship. This is what I like to call typical boy meets girl stuff. Having a Christian relationship can be kinda tricky if all you know is regular dating, sex, break up, date again. I have sat through many relationship series, bought the books, bounced questions off of friends, etc. Yet at the end of the day, all we have are guidelines to follow. No sure fire formula so for many, some things are left up to interpretation.
My latest boy meets girl scenario came as an interesting revelation over the weekend. It finally dawned on me that a friend that I have known for a couple of years is interested in me in a more than a friend way. I had a hunch but suppressed the girl in me who wanted to analyze every gesture as a sign of pending marriage. After a few days of pondering this revelation, I finally asked my admirer what he thought of me.
My hunch was pretty much confirmed minus the fanfare and theatrics. I explained the turn of events to my guy friend over the phone and in typical guy fashion, he asked what I was going to do next. My response was immediate and natural.
Nothing.
For a woman who desires to be married and to find out that this guy is digging me, I am pretty sure my friend thought I had lost my mind. But to me, doing nothing made sense. I realized that had I not asked the first question, my admirer would probably not have ever shed light on the fact that he saw me as more than a friend. But I had to ask the question. I had to take it upon myself to get clarity. Even after it has all been said and done, it would still be up to me to figure out what happens next. I would have to take the lead.
But that is not what God intended. Proverbs 18:22 says that "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Can't get any clearer than that. God intended for a man to find a good thing, not a woman find a good thing. Men are designed by God to be leaders, to pursue their future wives. That was a revelation tonight. God randomly reminded me that I am to be pursued and I am worthy of a man's efforts of pursuit. Me doing absolutely nothing meant that I know I am worthy of being chased, wooed, and won over.
Don't take my desire to do nothing as me just waiting idly by until a man falls from Heaven. Far from that. But it is my belief that women should not spend their time chasing guys. Often times women put themselves on display, make themselves available to catch the gaze of a man, being the initiator of conversations, invitations to hang out, whatever the case maybe. Sure in this day and age, it's common place for women to do these things but I know God has placed the call of leadership on the man's shoulder. If I am going to submit and respect my future husband as the spiritual leader and covering of my household, I would assume him mustering up the courage to ask me out, express his interest and try to win me over would be common sense.
The idea of being pursued reminded me of the story my friend and fellow Peru missionary Chae told me about how she and her boyfriend Brendan started courting. They went through the whole getting to know you phase, hanging out in groups, seeing how they interact with friends, then graduating onto more one on one conversations, asking more detailed questions, revealing bits and pieces of themselves. After months and months of taking things slow and getting to know each other, they agreed to court each other. The whole time, Brendan pursued her. He stepped up and initiated conversations and planned outings. He expressed his desire to be with her without even really knowing if she felt the same way. He pursued her. However, shortly afterwards Chae was apprehensive about whether or not this courtship would even last let alone evolve into marriage. God revealed to her that He sent her Brendan so that God Himself could pursue her through Brendan. God wanted to express His love and devotion to her through the love and devotion Brendon would shower on her during his pursuit of her.
Only God can write love stories like that.
Just a few moments ago, I messaged my guy friend and explained the revelation I had. My position as a woman is to be pursued. Period. A man should know his position as the leader, step out on faith and pursue a woman wholeheartedly just like God pursues us daily. I think he got my point. This whole Christian dating thing is not for the weak and timid. Takes courage and faith to step up and follow God's lead. But it is so worth it in the end.
My latest boy meets girl scenario came as an interesting revelation over the weekend. It finally dawned on me that a friend that I have known for a couple of years is interested in me in a more than a friend way. I had a hunch but suppressed the girl in me who wanted to analyze every gesture as a sign of pending marriage. After a few days of pondering this revelation, I finally asked my admirer what he thought of me.
My hunch was pretty much confirmed minus the fanfare and theatrics. I explained the turn of events to my guy friend over the phone and in typical guy fashion, he asked what I was going to do next. My response was immediate and natural.
Nothing.
For a woman who desires to be married and to find out that this guy is digging me, I am pretty sure my friend thought I had lost my mind. But to me, doing nothing made sense. I realized that had I not asked the first question, my admirer would probably not have ever shed light on the fact that he saw me as more than a friend. But I had to ask the question. I had to take it upon myself to get clarity. Even after it has all been said and done, it would still be up to me to figure out what happens next. I would have to take the lead.
But that is not what God intended. Proverbs 18:22 says that "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Can't get any clearer than that. God intended for a man to find a good thing, not a woman find a good thing. Men are designed by God to be leaders, to pursue their future wives. That was a revelation tonight. God randomly reminded me that I am to be pursued and I am worthy of a man's efforts of pursuit. Me doing absolutely nothing meant that I know I am worthy of being chased, wooed, and won over.
Don't take my desire to do nothing as me just waiting idly by until a man falls from Heaven. Far from that. But it is my belief that women should not spend their time chasing guys. Often times women put themselves on display, make themselves available to catch the gaze of a man, being the initiator of conversations, invitations to hang out, whatever the case maybe. Sure in this day and age, it's common place for women to do these things but I know God has placed the call of leadership on the man's shoulder. If I am going to submit and respect my future husband as the spiritual leader and covering of my household, I would assume him mustering up the courage to ask me out, express his interest and try to win me over would be common sense.
The idea of being pursued reminded me of the story my friend and fellow Peru missionary Chae told me about how she and her boyfriend Brendan started courting. They went through the whole getting to know you phase, hanging out in groups, seeing how they interact with friends, then graduating onto more one on one conversations, asking more detailed questions, revealing bits and pieces of themselves. After months and months of taking things slow and getting to know each other, they agreed to court each other. The whole time, Brendan pursued her. He stepped up and initiated conversations and planned outings. He expressed his desire to be with her without even really knowing if she felt the same way. He pursued her. However, shortly afterwards Chae was apprehensive about whether or not this courtship would even last let alone evolve into marriage. God revealed to her that He sent her Brendan so that God Himself could pursue her through Brendan. God wanted to express His love and devotion to her through the love and devotion Brendon would shower on her during his pursuit of her.
Only God can write love stories like that.
Just a few moments ago, I messaged my guy friend and explained the revelation I had. My position as a woman is to be pursued. Period. A man should know his position as the leader, step out on faith and pursue a woman wholeheartedly just like God pursues us daily. I think he got my point. This whole Christian dating thing is not for the weak and timid. Takes courage and faith to step up and follow God's lead. But it is so worth it in the end.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Spread The Wealth
I love relationships. I love discussing relationship issues, scenarios, boy meets girl kinda talks. I would not say I am a relationship guru by any sort but I have been in enough to know what works for me and what doesn't work for a lot of people. And of course being single, you have a lot of time to ponder various relationship topics. I try to refrain from the regular Cosmo or Glamour magazine relationship articles because most are so far from my idea of a God honoring relationship anyway. And of course there are not a lot of Christian single relationship magazines or resources out that are even worth looking at.
So what's a girl to do?
Luckily, in the past couple of years, I have run across some amazing resources for single Christian woman and their journey through life. For a while, I felt kinda guilty for having this wealth of knowledge that I deem credible and not share it with other women in my position. My hesitation always stemmed from the fact that very rarely do single Christian chicks talk about men and relationships. Almost like its taboo and no one wants to feel like they are obsessing or idolizing relationships or the fact that they are still single. You don't want to be that girl that is always talking about the fact that she doesn't have a man.
Lately, I have been feeling like it's time to have those open conversations that I am sure many of my single friends are dying to have simply because I am. I am blessed to have a couple of girlfriends (one single and one married) that I am free to discuss my relationship thoughts, rants, psycho obsessions, etc with and they give great advice. I am thankful that I have that outlet but many don't. If my single girlfriends are keeping all this questions and emotions bottled up and not really equipping themselves to navigate through this single season, we end up with a host of girls that unprepared to be godly girlfriends let alone godly wives.
My fear is that so many of my friends or women I know by association will enter relationships and marriages for the wrong reason. I know because I have seen it too many times. Most were just lonely and settled for whomever presented them with the offer. Some trick men into marrying them, some just wanted the wedding and didn't want to work at the marriage, some were incomplete and broken and figured a husband would make them whole. The Bible says the ultimate mystery is who 1 + 1 equals 1. It's not a mystery because 1/2 a person and 1/2 of another person certainly wont make 1 whole person. Marriage is a huge commitment and should not be entered into lightly.
"But Jesus said, 'Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.'"---Matthew 19:11-12 (Message)
That's where I come in. Well, actually this is where God comes in. I've been pondering a way to share all these thoughts, ideas, and resources with other girls in my circle but felt rather ill equipped. How am I going to talk with my friends about how to prepare to be a godly wife when I am single? Like really single. It wasn't until the day our church had its corporate baptisms that God spoke me and said "prepare my single daughters." I took that as a sign that He was really saying "Stop dragging your feet and share what I have already given you."
Time to get to work.
So what's a girl to do?
Luckily, in the past couple of years, I have run across some amazing resources for single Christian woman and their journey through life. For a while, I felt kinda guilty for having this wealth of knowledge that I deem credible and not share it with other women in my position. My hesitation always stemmed from the fact that very rarely do single Christian chicks talk about men and relationships. Almost like its taboo and no one wants to feel like they are obsessing or idolizing relationships or the fact that they are still single. You don't want to be that girl that is always talking about the fact that she doesn't have a man.
Lately, I have been feeling like it's time to have those open conversations that I am sure many of my single friends are dying to have simply because I am. I am blessed to have a couple of girlfriends (one single and one married) that I am free to discuss my relationship thoughts, rants, psycho obsessions, etc with and they give great advice. I am thankful that I have that outlet but many don't. If my single girlfriends are keeping all this questions and emotions bottled up and not really equipping themselves to navigate through this single season, we end up with a host of girls that unprepared to be godly girlfriends let alone godly wives.
My fear is that so many of my friends or women I know by association will enter relationships and marriages for the wrong reason. I know because I have seen it too many times. Most were just lonely and settled for whomever presented them with the offer. Some trick men into marrying them, some just wanted the wedding and didn't want to work at the marriage, some were incomplete and broken and figured a husband would make them whole. The Bible says the ultimate mystery is who 1 + 1 equals 1. It's not a mystery because 1/2 a person and 1/2 of another person certainly wont make 1 whole person. Marriage is a huge commitment and should not be entered into lightly.
"But Jesus said, 'Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.'"---Matthew 19:11-12 (Message)
That's where I come in. Well, actually this is where God comes in. I've been pondering a way to share all these thoughts, ideas, and resources with other girls in my circle but felt rather ill equipped. How am I going to talk with my friends about how to prepare to be a godly wife when I am single? Like really single. It wasn't until the day our church had its corporate baptisms that God spoke me and said "prepare my single daughters." I took that as a sign that He was really saying "Stop dragging your feet and share what I have already given you."
Time to get to work.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
"This Is What I Have For You"
I'm sitting here still in awe of what I witnessed last night. I went to a house warming for Lauren and Jarvis Gatlin which was also a birthday celebration for Jillian thanks to her wonderful fiancee' Keith. The night was filled with prayers, blessings spoken over the house and newlyweds, gifts, laughs, more prayers and blessings between Keith and Jill, more laughs, an engagement video, great food and worship. It was a blessing to see the beauty in couples that honor God before and after marriage.
As I twirl my purity ring around my left ring finger, I am laughing at how God moves and speaks. A week ago, out of the blue, I got the idea in my head that I needed to switch my ring from my right ring finger to my left finger. Now I know it was a God thing because there really isn't any way I would convince myself that putting my ring, which looks likes a wedding band, on THE wedding finger. I've worn it on my right finger ever since a guy mistaken thought I was married after looking at my hand. To me this, ring signifies my commitment to honor Christ in my thoughts, actions and with my body, but not to be a man repellent. While at the party, I felt the strong nudge to take the step of faith and switch my ring to my left hand. After a few minutes of going back and forth with the idea, I gave in and switched the little silver band to THE ring finger.
And I was okay with it. In that moment of obedience, I stopped worrying about whether or not men will mistake this purity ring as a wedding band and not approach me. I knew in my heart what the ring meant and since this was a God move, I trust Him enough to know that this wont stop His plan. I believe this was an act of faith and commitment. God's way of seeing if I really trust Him to release this aspect of my life to Him completely. I am certain I will have naysayers who will probably try to convince me that the ring on that hand is a bad idea. No worries though cause I trust God above what people say.
After basking in the moment of my bold move, I looked around the room. I saw several couples enjoying each other, laughing, praying, sharing a meal, enjoying the union that God had put together. I saw the Jensens, the Gatlins, Melissa and Elijah, Tierra and Chris, Keith and Jillian and other couples who all trusted God with their relationships. It was something beautiful to witness and be apart of. Hearing the men in one corner talk about guarding the hearts of their girlfriends, fiance's and wives took my breath away. Hearing the women talk about honoring God with their bodies so that they in turn honor their men was astounding. You don't hear that in the world cause only God has the power to orchestrate something so beautiful.
Then I heard God whisper "This is what I have for you." Everything that I was witnessing was available to me as well. There was no need to worry or be fearful. He still had a plan to finish penning my own personal love story in His time. My job was to be patient, faithful and obedient. He will take care of the rest.
As I twirl my purity ring around my left ring finger, I am laughing at how God moves and speaks. A week ago, out of the blue, I got the idea in my head that I needed to switch my ring from my right ring finger to my left finger. Now I know it was a God thing because there really isn't any way I would convince myself that putting my ring, which looks likes a wedding band, on THE wedding finger. I've worn it on my right finger ever since a guy mistaken thought I was married after looking at my hand. To me this, ring signifies my commitment to honor Christ in my thoughts, actions and with my body, but not to be a man repellent. While at the party, I felt the strong nudge to take the step of faith and switch my ring to my left hand. After a few minutes of going back and forth with the idea, I gave in and switched the little silver band to THE ring finger.
And I was okay with it. In that moment of obedience, I stopped worrying about whether or not men will mistake this purity ring as a wedding band and not approach me. I knew in my heart what the ring meant and since this was a God move, I trust Him enough to know that this wont stop His plan. I believe this was an act of faith and commitment. God's way of seeing if I really trust Him to release this aspect of my life to Him completely. I am certain I will have naysayers who will probably try to convince me that the ring on that hand is a bad idea. No worries though cause I trust God above what people say.
After basking in the moment of my bold move, I looked around the room. I saw several couples enjoying each other, laughing, praying, sharing a meal, enjoying the union that God had put together. I saw the Jensens, the Gatlins, Melissa and Elijah, Tierra and Chris, Keith and Jillian and other couples who all trusted God with their relationships. It was something beautiful to witness and be apart of. Hearing the men in one corner talk about guarding the hearts of their girlfriends, fiance's and wives took my breath away. Hearing the women talk about honoring God with their bodies so that they in turn honor their men was astounding. You don't hear that in the world cause only God has the power to orchestrate something so beautiful.
Then I heard God whisper "This is what I have for you." Everything that I was witnessing was available to me as well. There was no need to worry or be fearful. He still had a plan to finish penning my own personal love story in His time. My job was to be patient, faithful and obedient. He will take care of the rest.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Dreams, Signs and Wonder
I firmly believe that God gives everyone spiritual gifts. I am quite aware of the gifts that I do not believe I possess, a prophetic gift is one of them. I have friends like Jillian and Kemesha that are my go to people when it comes to dreaming and operating in the prophetic. But not me. Yet, for some reason, I have had the third dream in only what I can describe as a series of dreams that are leaving me scratching my head.
In these dreams, there is the same theme: a person from my past coming back to try to rekindle our relationship. The first dream was a proposal (I turned it down)and the second dream was him admitting that he still loved me (I didn't respond). In last night's dream, same admission of feelings and I changed the subject because I didn't know how to respond. At some point I asked about his significant other and his message was "that process to end things happens in 40 days and 40 nights." He repeated that 40 days and 40 nights line a second time. I asked about what they were going to do about their baby and his message was "I will have the baby for 100 days and she will have the baby for 100 days." In my dream, I was confused because that made absolutely no sense. None of it does.
I woke up feeling kinda frantic because I don't like not knowing what dreams mean. I particularly don't like dreaming about people I know God left in my past for a reason. I never try to super spiritualize anything but I am beginning to wonder if there is a meaning or message behind these dreams about this person. Are there any unresolved feelings I am not dealing with? Absolutely not and I think I can confidently say the same thing about the other person involved. Is God trying to give me a message of something to come in the future? I hope not because it whatever is supposed to happen plays out like these dreams, there is going to be some smoke in the city for real.
I looked up the meaning of the number 40 and its a symbol of testing, trials, closing in on victory or defeat. Prime examples would be the Israelites in the wilderness for 40 years (trials), Jesus fasting in the desert for 40 days and being tempted by Satan (testing), and of course the 40 days and 40 nights it rained causing the great flood (defeat for those that perished and victory because of the new covenant God made with Noah). The number 100 means full measure. Not necessarily God's complete measure but His full reward. It also mentioned God's election of grace. The scriptures Genesis 21:5 mentioned Abraham had Issac when he was 100 years old (grace). In Genesis 26:12 Issac planted crops and harvested 100 times more than what he had planted (full reward). Since the numbers 40 and 100 was mentioned twice, I looked up the number 200, which is a symbol for insufficiency. The number 80 is the number of salvation (8) times divine order (10).
At the end of the day, I have no clue whether this person saying the numbers was giving me a message, whether the numbers have anything to do with the content of the dream or if its all in my head. Either way, all I can do is pray about it and see if God is doing some supernatural stuff around me. This should be fun.
In these dreams, there is the same theme: a person from my past coming back to try to rekindle our relationship. The first dream was a proposal (I turned it down)and the second dream was him admitting that he still loved me (I didn't respond). In last night's dream, same admission of feelings and I changed the subject because I didn't know how to respond. At some point I asked about his significant other and his message was "that process to end things happens in 40 days and 40 nights." He repeated that 40 days and 40 nights line a second time. I asked about what they were going to do about their baby and his message was "I will have the baby for 100 days and she will have the baby for 100 days." In my dream, I was confused because that made absolutely no sense. None of it does.
I woke up feeling kinda frantic because I don't like not knowing what dreams mean. I particularly don't like dreaming about people I know God left in my past for a reason. I never try to super spiritualize anything but I am beginning to wonder if there is a meaning or message behind these dreams about this person. Are there any unresolved feelings I am not dealing with? Absolutely not and I think I can confidently say the same thing about the other person involved. Is God trying to give me a message of something to come in the future? I hope not because it whatever is supposed to happen plays out like these dreams, there is going to be some smoke in the city for real.
I looked up the meaning of the number 40 and its a symbol of testing, trials, closing in on victory or defeat. Prime examples would be the Israelites in the wilderness for 40 years (trials), Jesus fasting in the desert for 40 days and being tempted by Satan (testing), and of course the 40 days and 40 nights it rained causing the great flood (defeat for those that perished and victory because of the new covenant God made with Noah). The number 100 means full measure. Not necessarily God's complete measure but His full reward. It also mentioned God's election of grace. The scriptures Genesis 21:5 mentioned Abraham had Issac when he was 100 years old (grace). In Genesis 26:12 Issac planted crops and harvested 100 times more than what he had planted (full reward). Since the numbers 40 and 100 was mentioned twice, I looked up the number 200, which is a symbol for insufficiency. The number 80 is the number of salvation (8) times divine order (10).
At the end of the day, I have no clue whether this person saying the numbers was giving me a message, whether the numbers have anything to do with the content of the dream or if its all in my head. Either way, all I can do is pray about it and see if God is doing some supernatural stuff around me. This should be fun.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Ready or Not?
My friend Diana dropped the bomb on me last night. I love her because she isn't afraid to call me out of my foolishness and she asks the questions that need to be asked. She does it all in love but doesn't sugar coat. As we were discussing the guy I have "noticed" she asked a very important question that I had not even thought about in all these months.
"Are you really ready for your heart's desire?"
I was silent. I seriously had no words and no train of thought to attempt to answer that questions. She had me. I had to admit to myself that I didnt think I was ready. In fact, the idea slightly terrified me.
I seriously think God has me in a season of preparation. For what, I am not totally certain but I would like to think its somewhere in the relationship realm. He has taken me through seasons of trust, transparency and now preparation. He is putting me in positions that stretch and challenge me. He is placing people around me that encourage me and model how a life that edifies God looks like. I have great teachers and leaders around me that are helping me grow and learn more about myself.
But am I ready?
I pray often for my husband. Strange I know considering I am single. I figured if God has a specific person for me in mind already, why not start praying for him? I have no idea who he is but I thank God for him, I pray for his health, his relationship with God, favor in his career, school, whatever he is doing. Why wait until I get married or even when we start dating/courting to pray for him? Anyway, I pray for my husband but when Diana asked me if I am even ready to receive the desires of my heart, it made me really think. Am I ready to be someone's girlfriend let alone wife? Yeah, the desire is there but is my life in order? Chew on that for minute.
I realize I have very limited time. I think Tuesdays and the weekends are probably the only nights that I don't already have something scheduled and usually the weekends are jam packed with errands, time with the boys, birthday parties, BBQ, movie or dinner dates, seminars, Bible study, impromptu gatherings with friends, etc. Where would a boyfriend fit? In all this chaos of days that bleed into each other, where does God fit in all of this. I realize that I don't always pencil in time for God so I certainly shouldn't rearrange my schedule to fit a guy.
Am I prepared for my heart's desire? I am working on getting my finances in order, I have dealt with bruises and hurts from my past and can honestly say they are no longer strong holds in my life. I have wonderful examples of Godly courtships and marriages that I can go to for advice so I am not just flying by the seat of my pants. I have a heart of a servant and understand the role of a submitted help mate in relation to my husband. God has shown me the importance of forgiveness and respect, two big areas I struggled with. I understand the need for courting with a purpose and a vision and not just dating to pass the time. I am an advocate for purity, not just abstaining from sex. I know the direction God wants me to go and it seriously ignites my heart with passion when I think about it.
Am I prepared for my heart's desire? I think I am. I think approaching relationships with a new attitude and outlook on life is a bit scary because I am used to operating totally with my flesh. I do believe that is where my fear stems. I am in a position where I have taken the time to get to know a person before I started to get butterflies and I don't recall that ever happening in before. Usually I am so overtaken with the physical aspect that getting to know them was something that I just hoped would come later, even though it didn't always happen that way. I am treading in foreign territory but its okay. This in itself is preparation. Even if this guy and I never make it past the friend stage, I have learned to guard my heart. I have realized that I can like someone without being consumed with sexual thoughts and desires. I have learned to pray for wisdom and discernment and I refuse to compromise on what I feel is right. I have learned to set boundaries and respect boundaries that he has in place. I am learning patience, no connection before commitment, and still keeping God and His business at the fore front.
Am I prepared for my heart's desire. Yeah.
"Are you really ready for your heart's desire?"
I was silent. I seriously had no words and no train of thought to attempt to answer that questions. She had me. I had to admit to myself that I didnt think I was ready. In fact, the idea slightly terrified me.
I seriously think God has me in a season of preparation. For what, I am not totally certain but I would like to think its somewhere in the relationship realm. He has taken me through seasons of trust, transparency and now preparation. He is putting me in positions that stretch and challenge me. He is placing people around me that encourage me and model how a life that edifies God looks like. I have great teachers and leaders around me that are helping me grow and learn more about myself.
But am I ready?
I pray often for my husband. Strange I know considering I am single. I figured if God has a specific person for me in mind already, why not start praying for him? I have no idea who he is but I thank God for him, I pray for his health, his relationship with God, favor in his career, school, whatever he is doing. Why wait until I get married or even when we start dating/courting to pray for him? Anyway, I pray for my husband but when Diana asked me if I am even ready to receive the desires of my heart, it made me really think. Am I ready to be someone's girlfriend let alone wife? Yeah, the desire is there but is my life in order? Chew on that for minute.
I realize I have very limited time. I think Tuesdays and the weekends are probably the only nights that I don't already have something scheduled and usually the weekends are jam packed with errands, time with the boys, birthday parties, BBQ, movie or dinner dates, seminars, Bible study, impromptu gatherings with friends, etc. Where would a boyfriend fit? In all this chaos of days that bleed into each other, where does God fit in all of this. I realize that I don't always pencil in time for God so I certainly shouldn't rearrange my schedule to fit a guy.
Am I prepared for my heart's desire? I am working on getting my finances in order, I have dealt with bruises and hurts from my past and can honestly say they are no longer strong holds in my life. I have wonderful examples of Godly courtships and marriages that I can go to for advice so I am not just flying by the seat of my pants. I have a heart of a servant and understand the role of a submitted help mate in relation to my husband. God has shown me the importance of forgiveness and respect, two big areas I struggled with. I understand the need for courting with a purpose and a vision and not just dating to pass the time. I am an advocate for purity, not just abstaining from sex. I know the direction God wants me to go and it seriously ignites my heart with passion when I think about it.
Am I prepared for my heart's desire? I think I am. I think approaching relationships with a new attitude and outlook on life is a bit scary because I am used to operating totally with my flesh. I do believe that is where my fear stems. I am in a position where I have taken the time to get to know a person before I started to get butterflies and I don't recall that ever happening in before. Usually I am so overtaken with the physical aspect that getting to know them was something that I just hoped would come later, even though it didn't always happen that way. I am treading in foreign territory but its okay. This in itself is preparation. Even if this guy and I never make it past the friend stage, I have learned to guard my heart. I have realized that I can like someone without being consumed with sexual thoughts and desires. I have learned to pray for wisdom and discernment and I refuse to compromise on what I feel is right. I have learned to set boundaries and respect boundaries that he has in place. I am learning patience, no connection before commitment, and still keeping God and His business at the fore front.
Am I prepared for my heart's desire. Yeah.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Guard your heart...
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23.
That's the only thing I could think of when I was told about an issue with a young lady that I am acquainted with. Matters of the heart are always tricky, especially for young Christian women. We are told to wait on our husbands, adhere to courtship, remain pure in body and in mind. And above all else guard your heart. That guard your heart thing tends to be the hardest thing to do for some. It was hard for this young lady and now she has yet another piece of her heart scarred by a young man who somehow missed the message on guarding the heart of a woman.
It bewilders me that I sit through the same Fusion services on Wednesday nights as many others yet, everyone doesn't seem to live by the same teachings I get from the messages. I am being reminded that everyone doesn't get the same convictions that I do. Everyone doesn't have that same desire to live a life that would make Jesus smile. Everyone doesn't have the same desire to stop doing life the way we used to that obviously hasn't worked for us in the past. Some people still want to figure out life the hard way, all the while collecting more scars and battle wounds before retreating back to Christ in defeat. Luckily, our Savior has a heart that knows no bounds but I am sure it pains Him to see so many people being hearers of His word, but not doers of His word.
I tend to not think naively about most things but I guess in this instance I was. I was naive to think that just because Fusion women hear that they should guard their own hearts against deceit and wicked ways, that they would actually do it. I was naive to think that because Fusion men are challenged to be protectors of the hearts of the women they are persuing that they actually protect those fragile hearts. It breaks my heart to know that two people that I know decided to do things their own way, leaving one with the pain of a broken and scorned heart, unanswered questions, and an even larger longing for comfort in someone other that Jesus.
It can get pretty daunting for single people to see new relationships spring to life, engagements be announced and wedding invitations be sent out on a regular basis in one community of young believers. I guess I am bold enough to admit that I am okay right where God has me, single. Does it get lonely sometimes? Absolutely, but it will never get so bad that I step outside of the plan that God has for me and other single women like me. Even with the guy that I have noticed, we are moving at a snail's pace and I have learned to be okay with that, because that's what it takes to guard my heart. That's what it takes for him to guard his heart as well as mine. There is no rush, there is no commitment, so there is no worry. And with this patience and God's own perfect timing, He is allowing little bits of insight into the heart and mind of this guy that I might not have discovered had I been hasty and disobedient. It is in this patience that I rely on my accountability to help keep me focused and prayerful about all things.
This isn't my natural course for doing things, but I think God is pleased with my efforts. I just wish more women were more diligent about safe guarding their precious hearts and not fixating on whether or not a guy likes her and going outside of God's will to capture some fleeting attention. I have been that girl too many times, have had my heart broken too many times, have been jealous, scorned, bitter and upset too many times to keep going down that same road. Maybe some people haven't been hurt enough to finally surrender and allow God to show them the way. I am thankful for my changed heart and changed ways. Hindsight is 20/20 but there is no reason to keep traveling down the path that has been traveled by so many before.
That's the only thing I could think of when I was told about an issue with a young lady that I am acquainted with. Matters of the heart are always tricky, especially for young Christian women. We are told to wait on our husbands, adhere to courtship, remain pure in body and in mind. And above all else guard your heart. That guard your heart thing tends to be the hardest thing to do for some. It was hard for this young lady and now she has yet another piece of her heart scarred by a young man who somehow missed the message on guarding the heart of a woman.
It bewilders me that I sit through the same Fusion services on Wednesday nights as many others yet, everyone doesn't seem to live by the same teachings I get from the messages. I am being reminded that everyone doesn't get the same convictions that I do. Everyone doesn't have that same desire to live a life that would make Jesus smile. Everyone doesn't have the same desire to stop doing life the way we used to that obviously hasn't worked for us in the past. Some people still want to figure out life the hard way, all the while collecting more scars and battle wounds before retreating back to Christ in defeat. Luckily, our Savior has a heart that knows no bounds but I am sure it pains Him to see so many people being hearers of His word, but not doers of His word.
I tend to not think naively about most things but I guess in this instance I was. I was naive to think that just because Fusion women hear that they should guard their own hearts against deceit and wicked ways, that they would actually do it. I was naive to think that because Fusion men are challenged to be protectors of the hearts of the women they are persuing that they actually protect those fragile hearts. It breaks my heart to know that two people that I know decided to do things their own way, leaving one with the pain of a broken and scorned heart, unanswered questions, and an even larger longing for comfort in someone other that Jesus.
It can get pretty daunting for single people to see new relationships spring to life, engagements be announced and wedding invitations be sent out on a regular basis in one community of young believers. I guess I am bold enough to admit that I am okay right where God has me, single. Does it get lonely sometimes? Absolutely, but it will never get so bad that I step outside of the plan that God has for me and other single women like me. Even with the guy that I have noticed, we are moving at a snail's pace and I have learned to be okay with that, because that's what it takes to guard my heart. That's what it takes for him to guard his heart as well as mine. There is no rush, there is no commitment, so there is no worry. And with this patience and God's own perfect timing, He is allowing little bits of insight into the heart and mind of this guy that I might not have discovered had I been hasty and disobedient. It is in this patience that I rely on my accountability to help keep me focused and prayerful about all things.
This isn't my natural course for doing things, but I think God is pleased with my efforts. I just wish more women were more diligent about safe guarding their precious hearts and not fixating on whether or not a guy likes her and going outside of God's will to capture some fleeting attention. I have been that girl too many times, have had my heart broken too many times, have been jealous, scorned, bitter and upset too many times to keep going down that same road. Maybe some people haven't been hurt enough to finally surrender and allow God to show them the way. I am thankful for my changed heart and changed ways. Hindsight is 20/20 but there is no reason to keep traveling down the path that has been traveled by so many before.
Monday, January 17, 2011
What Are You Waiting For?
I have been pondering this question for several days after running across a Christian blog. "What are you waiting for?" Simple enough yet so complex. The answer to that question as well as "What is a wife?" started weighing even more heavily in my mind that I felt like I needed to share it with some of my single friends. With this being a season of preparation, it would almost be selfish to not share these revelations with others that may be preparing themselves as well.
What am I waiting for? As single Christian women, we are told that we are to wait on our husbands. Not in the "sit around and wait for him to fall out of the sky" theory, but more of a "be patient and let God prepare you and your husband for the time He would have you meet." The whole waiting game is totally up for debate depending on who you ask. For me, as faithful as God has been to me when I finally decided to yield to His direction, I would say He is pretty faithful in the marriage arena too.
So what am I waiting for? A husband. Yeah we got that, but what kind of husband? Any woman can get married to a man and have a husband and then her wish is fulfilled. But I don't think God wants me to just have a husband. I believe He wants to grant me the desires of my heart according to His will which means I need to know what it is I am waiting for. I need to know what kind of husband I am waiting for so I don't settle for just anyone for the sake of having a husband. Too many people have made that mistake.
I've never been one to make the ceremonial list of qualifications for my future husband to possess. I've scoffed at women that did, usually because those lists were filled with such superficial nonsense, it was worth laughing at. But, they did have it right. They had a list of what they were looking for and things that they would not compromise on. It makes sense to know what it is you are looking for so if by chance I meet someone (or progress more with someone I have already met), I will have my criteria ready to hold up to see if he is someone even worth entertaining.
The same would go for me as a wife as well. If I am putting so much emphasis on the type of husband I am looking for, I am sure he is putting emphasis on the type of wife he is looking for. So I am sure this is why God wants me to figure out what a wife is. Do I know my role as a wife? Do I know how God sees a wife? Have I become someone worthy finding? Proverbs 31 is the ideal wife. She is hard to measure up to, but not impossible.
Looks like I have some work to do. Another interesting assignment that I am finally getting around to accomplishing.
What am I waiting for? As single Christian women, we are told that we are to wait on our husbands. Not in the "sit around and wait for him to fall out of the sky" theory, but more of a "be patient and let God prepare you and your husband for the time He would have you meet." The whole waiting game is totally up for debate depending on who you ask. For me, as faithful as God has been to me when I finally decided to yield to His direction, I would say He is pretty faithful in the marriage arena too.
So what am I waiting for? A husband. Yeah we got that, but what kind of husband? Any woman can get married to a man and have a husband and then her wish is fulfilled. But I don't think God wants me to just have a husband. I believe He wants to grant me the desires of my heart according to His will which means I need to know what it is I am waiting for. I need to know what kind of husband I am waiting for so I don't settle for just anyone for the sake of having a husband. Too many people have made that mistake.
I've never been one to make the ceremonial list of qualifications for my future husband to possess. I've scoffed at women that did, usually because those lists were filled with such superficial nonsense, it was worth laughing at. But, they did have it right. They had a list of what they were looking for and things that they would not compromise on. It makes sense to know what it is you are looking for so if by chance I meet someone (or progress more with someone I have already met), I will have my criteria ready to hold up to see if he is someone even worth entertaining.
The same would go for me as a wife as well. If I am putting so much emphasis on the type of husband I am looking for, I am sure he is putting emphasis on the type of wife he is looking for. So I am sure this is why God wants me to figure out what a wife is. Do I know my role as a wife? Do I know how God sees a wife? Have I become someone worthy finding? Proverbs 31 is the ideal wife. She is hard to measure up to, but not impossible.
Looks like I have some work to do. Another interesting assignment that I am finally getting around to accomplishing.
Friday, January 7, 2011
A Lesson in Patience
So I just had a total "A-HA" revelation that is leading me to feel a bit convicted. But in a good way because conviction is good. Last night, I was emailing a dear friend who had recently experienced a bad breakup. I decided to share with her the link to the Fusion relationship series called Naked. Yes, it was called Naked after the "naked and unashamed" scripture in Genesis. I started going to Fusion right when the series kicked off and I must admit, learning about courtship and doing relationship in a way that honor God has been some of the BEST relationship advice I have ever gotten. I am a huge promoter of courtship so I had to share with her some valuable info that can help her understand that she doesn't ever have to be in another dating relationship that can lead to yet another tear filled and heart wrenching breakup.
God decided to see fit to have me listen to the series last night at like 1:00 AM. Yes, I was up at 1:00 AM listening to a relationship sermon. I wasn't feeling lonely or thinking about the guy I have "noticed." I just felt compelled to listen again. It's funny because right before Fusion ended for the year in December, we had just wrapped up the Boy Meets Girl relationship series. Guess I needed a brief refresher course.
I listened to the first message last night and made it almost to the end before sleep got the best of me. I went to work with the Naked series still on my mind and listened to the second message: Courting v. Dating. The death match between God's way to be in a relationship and the world's way to be in a relationship. One of the main points Pastor Johnson listed in the differences between courtship and dating is the idea of the connection before the commitment. Often times in dating, the two people connect on such a strong emotional level so quickly, even before they have the infamous "where is this going?" talk. Spending hours on the phone pour out your life stories and deepest darkest secrets or spending all your time together creates this deep connection, feelings intensify, and hearts are left exposed. This all happens while the couple is just dating, just having fun, just kicking it. No commitment, no direction in the relationship, no purpose in the relationship, yet the connection is already established and hearts are intertwined. At some point in the very near future, someone, usually the girl, wants to know where the relationship is going. She quickly realizes that they are not on the same page and the break up happens and the heart break begins. She has bared her soul to someone that didn't think she was worthy enough to commit to. Sad.
In courting, there is commitment before the connection. When a guy and a girl decide that they have been given the green light from God to enter into courtship, they are committing to the idea that if the relationship keeps going in a positive direction, while honoring God, they WILL get married. The purpose of courtship is to get to know each other better, determine if they are both on the same path, knowing all the while that the relationship will lead to marriage. There are no awkward conversations because both people entering the relationship are already on the same page on the front end. They are committing to growing deeper in their relationship with each other and with God, while guarding each others hearts, respecting boundaries, holding each other accountable, allowing others to hold them accountable, remaining pure, honoring God, creating a vision and purpose for their relationship and eventual marriage. They are already committed to the idea of getting married well before they develop those deep connections. The connections are developed over the course of months, not in a matter of days or weeks like in dating.
Back to my revelation. So after listening to the message earlier today, I really didn't think much about relationships or courting. I went on about my day just like any other day. It wasn't until I was on my way to Barnes and Noble did it hit me. Commitment before connection. Commitment before connection. God was telling me I needed to be patient and wait for the commitment before trying to get the connection. I started to feel rather convicted because I knew I was handling a certain situation with a guy all wrong. I realized I was becoming more and more impatient with this guy because I wasn't getting the connection I was seeking and there was nothing even remotely close to a commitment. Keep in mind, there is no sexual or deep emotional entanglement between the two of us. Everything is still very surface and casual, which is probably why I am impatient. I'm not used to having to be patient and allow a guy to peel back the layers slowly. I'm used to dating, which says in the amount of time he and I have been having our random, sporadic conversations, we should be knee deep in some emotionally intimate mess that will probably end in a lot of tears because there was no commitment before the butterflies wore off.
God is telling me to be patient. There is no rush. Allow this guy to lead, even if its just in this friend stage. Allow him to slowly peel back his layers and inquire about my life. Guard my heart and remain prayerful about whether or not this is even a path God wants me to take. I prayed about my error in judgement and asked for forgiveness for being impatient and trying to do things my way. I am thankful for conviction because conviction leads to repentance which leads to forgiveness. My Father is amazing and all knowing. He definitely knows the desires of my heart because I remind Him often. He is jealous for me and wants His absolute best for me. He is still waiting on me to trust Him completely which I am working on. He is patient and loving and doesn't mind letting me stumble a bit along the way. Luckily, He is always right there beside me to catch me if I fall.
God decided to see fit to have me listen to the series last night at like 1:00 AM. Yes, I was up at 1:00 AM listening to a relationship sermon. I wasn't feeling lonely or thinking about the guy I have "noticed." I just felt compelled to listen again. It's funny because right before Fusion ended for the year in December, we had just wrapped up the Boy Meets Girl relationship series. Guess I needed a brief refresher course.
I listened to the first message last night and made it almost to the end before sleep got the best of me. I went to work with the Naked series still on my mind and listened to the second message: Courting v. Dating. The death match between God's way to be in a relationship and the world's way to be in a relationship. One of the main points Pastor Johnson listed in the differences between courtship and dating is the idea of the connection before the commitment. Often times in dating, the two people connect on such a strong emotional level so quickly, even before they have the infamous "where is this going?" talk. Spending hours on the phone pour out your life stories and deepest darkest secrets or spending all your time together creates this deep connection, feelings intensify, and hearts are left exposed. This all happens while the couple is just dating, just having fun, just kicking it. No commitment, no direction in the relationship, no purpose in the relationship, yet the connection is already established and hearts are intertwined. At some point in the very near future, someone, usually the girl, wants to know where the relationship is going. She quickly realizes that they are not on the same page and the break up happens and the heart break begins. She has bared her soul to someone that didn't think she was worthy enough to commit to. Sad.
In courting, there is commitment before the connection. When a guy and a girl decide that they have been given the green light from God to enter into courtship, they are committing to the idea that if the relationship keeps going in a positive direction, while honoring God, they WILL get married. The purpose of courtship is to get to know each other better, determine if they are both on the same path, knowing all the while that the relationship will lead to marriage. There are no awkward conversations because both people entering the relationship are already on the same page on the front end. They are committing to growing deeper in their relationship with each other and with God, while guarding each others hearts, respecting boundaries, holding each other accountable, allowing others to hold them accountable, remaining pure, honoring God, creating a vision and purpose for their relationship and eventual marriage. They are already committed to the idea of getting married well before they develop those deep connections. The connections are developed over the course of months, not in a matter of days or weeks like in dating.
Back to my revelation. So after listening to the message earlier today, I really didn't think much about relationships or courting. I went on about my day just like any other day. It wasn't until I was on my way to Barnes and Noble did it hit me. Commitment before connection. Commitment before connection. God was telling me I needed to be patient and wait for the commitment before trying to get the connection. I started to feel rather convicted because I knew I was handling a certain situation with a guy all wrong. I realized I was becoming more and more impatient with this guy because I wasn't getting the connection I was seeking and there was nothing even remotely close to a commitment. Keep in mind, there is no sexual or deep emotional entanglement between the two of us. Everything is still very surface and casual, which is probably why I am impatient. I'm not used to having to be patient and allow a guy to peel back the layers slowly. I'm used to dating, which says in the amount of time he and I have been having our random, sporadic conversations, we should be knee deep in some emotionally intimate mess that will probably end in a lot of tears because there was no commitment before the butterflies wore off.
God is telling me to be patient. There is no rush. Allow this guy to lead, even if its just in this friend stage. Allow him to slowly peel back his layers and inquire about my life. Guard my heart and remain prayerful about whether or not this is even a path God wants me to take. I prayed about my error in judgement and asked for forgiveness for being impatient and trying to do things my way. I am thankful for conviction because conviction leads to repentance which leads to forgiveness. My Father is amazing and all knowing. He definitely knows the desires of my heart because I remind Him often. He is jealous for me and wants His absolute best for me. He is still waiting on me to trust Him completely which I am working on. He is patient and loving and doesn't mind letting me stumble a bit along the way. Luckily, He is always right there beside me to catch me if I fall.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thanks for Everything Ex Boyfriends!
Today has definitely been interesting to say the least. Over lunch, a friend and I had a light hearted talk about what we think men want. Obviously, we are doing everything wrong since we are both single. So my friend and I compared notes. Of the friends and associates that we have that have boyfriends or are married, they seem to have a common theme: long hair, dress to the 9s daily (heels included), they do not cook, clean, and they usually manage to appear needy (I need my light bill paid), of course they don't own anything, have no aspiration past where they are, drama filled (busting windows out of cars), live in the hood and stay away from church (cause men don't want church going women).
Yeah, that is soooo not me. I've cut my hair off; I dress for comfort, not attention; I cook; clean; manage to pay my bills every month; aspire for absolute greatness; so not about the drama; live in the suburbs; and am very faithful to my church. Sounds like I will be alone...at least by the world's standards.
We ran this list by a co-worker who has never had trouble in the men department and she basically confirmed our list. Men say they want independence, intelligence, tenacity, spirituality...but settle for everything but. Hmmmm. Men...really? Help a girl out.
Why has life gotten to this point? Why do women have to dumb it down in order for a man to show interest? Is that really what women want? Women, do you really want a man you have to always pretend you are less than your best around? Yeah, the pickings of straight men in Atlanta are slim to none but this only makes it just that much worse.
My response to all the craziness I cause on Facebook this afternoon...thank you to all my ex boyfriends! Yep, a big thanks for either breaking my heart and for every lesson I learned about myself, men and life...and how God fixed all of that.
Every relationship I have ever been in has taught me something. Either what to do, what not to do, what men like, what I like and what neither of us like. That was my measuring stick to navigate with my next relationship. What was I thinking? If I had learned so much, I would have been married and divorced a few times based on my track record with men. It's not so much what I learned then, it's what God has revealed to me at this junction of my life that needs to be removed from my thinking.
Case in point:
Thank you Chris S. for introducing me to sex far too early in life. You were the first guy of many that I somehow allowed myself to believe that if I have sex with you as often as you wanted, you would love me the way I needed in return. Such a lie of the enemy that took me until this time last year to realize.
Thank you Joshua for capturing my heart and being my friend above all else. You allowed me to be vulnerable and broken in your presence and you guarded me with all you could. You never took advantage of my weak moments and you etched a place in my heart that no one has ever been able to match. You were rough on the outside but truly had a heart of gold. You set the bar high.
Thank you Tyran for opening my eyes to the fact that married men do cheat...a lot! I know I was not the first nor the last but you made me really start to think about what it is I believe in when it came to marriage. You showed me what not to do and God showed me His purpose and view of marriage.
Thanks you Shawn for showing me how lost I was in the world and how desperate I was for God's love when I was waiting for you to fill that void. You showed me the ugly side of the enemy's perversion and how easy it is to buy into his broken promises. I allowed myself to do and say things that were so foreign to me, I literally lost who I was in you, just to have you near me. Thank you for understanding my need to leave it all behind.
Thank you Ryan for making me grow up and refuse to settle for less than I know I deserved, even before I knew it. Yeah the honeymoon phase was great but the red flags were there from the start. You showed me how to ignore the obvious, what low self esteem in men looked like, what a co-dependent relationship looked like, and how dysfunctional a relationship can get over time no matter how much we love each other. It was in all the chaos that I realized that route was not meant for me so I walked away, despite my heart wanting to stay. It was in that chaos, that God spoke to my heart and saved me from a path of destruction that would take me far from Him. It was in all that chaos that God ignited a passion for Him that man cannot match. God showed me what a man lead by God looks and acts like. God downloaded His perfect match into my heart and mind, and you do not fit that list. You taught me that change does happen, but we sometimes have to hit rock bottom before we allow God to scoop us up and dust us off. Thanks for allowing me to hit rock bottom.
I like my short hair and that I live in the safety of the suburbs with my nice lawns and good schools. I love my church and I love that I can dress up when I want but don't feel like I have to dress up for attention. I love that I love me cause God showed me how to love me. He loves me past sexual immorality, the desperation, the brokenness, the loneliness, the sin and the shame. He still shines me up from time to time cause I still fall in the dirt, but I'm OK with letting Him have my dirt. He makes everything glorious, even me. Even you. The world is going to tell me everyday that I am not good enough or pretty enough to find a mate or to even function in this world. Good thing I have a Father who likes to shield me from the lies and loves on me constantly. He makes sure I know that I am loved and that I do not have to search for it, it's already mine. My worth is not measured by the world's standards, but in the eyes of my Father who loves me to pieces, dirty and all.
Ladies, thank your exes, and allow God to love you like crazy. He spared you from some train wreck relationships and marriages that He never intended for you to be caught in anyway. He's putting the finishing touches on the one He wants for you and still shining you up in the meantime.
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-thanks-for-everything-ex-boyfriends/
Yeah, that is soooo not me. I've cut my hair off; I dress for comfort, not attention; I cook; clean; manage to pay my bills every month; aspire for absolute greatness; so not about the drama; live in the suburbs; and am very faithful to my church. Sounds like I will be alone...at least by the world's standards.
We ran this list by a co-worker who has never had trouble in the men department and she basically confirmed our list. Men say they want independence, intelligence, tenacity, spirituality...but settle for everything but. Hmmmm. Men...really? Help a girl out.
Why has life gotten to this point? Why do women have to dumb it down in order for a man to show interest? Is that really what women want? Women, do you really want a man you have to always pretend you are less than your best around? Yeah, the pickings of straight men in Atlanta are slim to none but this only makes it just that much worse.
My response to all the craziness I cause on Facebook this afternoon...thank you to all my ex boyfriends! Yep, a big thanks for either breaking my heart and for every lesson I learned about myself, men and life...and how God fixed all of that.
Every relationship I have ever been in has taught me something. Either what to do, what not to do, what men like, what I like and what neither of us like. That was my measuring stick to navigate with my next relationship. What was I thinking? If I had learned so much, I would have been married and divorced a few times based on my track record with men. It's not so much what I learned then, it's what God has revealed to me at this junction of my life that needs to be removed from my thinking.
Case in point:
Thank you Chris S. for introducing me to sex far too early in life. You were the first guy of many that I somehow allowed myself to believe that if I have sex with you as often as you wanted, you would love me the way I needed in return. Such a lie of the enemy that took me until this time last year to realize.
Thank you Joshua for capturing my heart and being my friend above all else. You allowed me to be vulnerable and broken in your presence and you guarded me with all you could. You never took advantage of my weak moments and you etched a place in my heart that no one has ever been able to match. You were rough on the outside but truly had a heart of gold. You set the bar high.
Thank you Tyran for opening my eyes to the fact that married men do cheat...a lot! I know I was not the first nor the last but you made me really start to think about what it is I believe in when it came to marriage. You showed me what not to do and God showed me His purpose and view of marriage.
Thanks you Shawn for showing me how lost I was in the world and how desperate I was for God's love when I was waiting for you to fill that void. You showed me the ugly side of the enemy's perversion and how easy it is to buy into his broken promises. I allowed myself to do and say things that were so foreign to me, I literally lost who I was in you, just to have you near me. Thank you for understanding my need to leave it all behind.
Thank you Ryan for making me grow up and refuse to settle for less than I know I deserved, even before I knew it. Yeah the honeymoon phase was great but the red flags were there from the start. You showed me how to ignore the obvious, what low self esteem in men looked like, what a co-dependent relationship looked like, and how dysfunctional a relationship can get over time no matter how much we love each other. It was in all the chaos that I realized that route was not meant for me so I walked away, despite my heart wanting to stay. It was in that chaos, that God spoke to my heart and saved me from a path of destruction that would take me far from Him. It was in all that chaos that God ignited a passion for Him that man cannot match. God showed me what a man lead by God looks and acts like. God downloaded His perfect match into my heart and mind, and you do not fit that list. You taught me that change does happen, but we sometimes have to hit rock bottom before we allow God to scoop us up and dust us off. Thanks for allowing me to hit rock bottom.
I like my short hair and that I live in the safety of the suburbs with my nice lawns and good schools. I love my church and I love that I can dress up when I want but don't feel like I have to dress up for attention. I love that I love me cause God showed me how to love me. He loves me past sexual immorality, the desperation, the brokenness, the loneliness, the sin and the shame. He still shines me up from time to time cause I still fall in the dirt, but I'm OK with letting Him have my dirt. He makes everything glorious, even me. Even you. The world is going to tell me everyday that I am not good enough or pretty enough to find a mate or to even function in this world. Good thing I have a Father who likes to shield me from the lies and loves on me constantly. He makes sure I know that I am loved and that I do not have to search for it, it's already mine. My worth is not measured by the world's standards, but in the eyes of my Father who loves me to pieces, dirty and all.
Ladies, thank your exes, and allow God to love you like crazy. He spared you from some train wreck relationships and marriages that He never intended for you to be caught in anyway. He's putting the finishing touches on the one He wants for you and still shining you up in the meantime.
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-thanks-for-everything-ex-boyfriends/
Saturday, July 17, 2010
My Father, the Dreamcatcher
Last night, I had a dream about you. In my dream, you came back to me after realizing that this is where you heart lay. You even gave me a ring. But that ring was used, second hand, dull, not sincere. And through out that whole dream, all I could think about were reasons why God didn't allow this union to happen in the first place. I actually felt doubt, uncertainty, unrest in my heart about you in that dream. Have never felt emotions in my dream, literally felt them like I was truly living these moments out in real life. God still speaks and moves, even in my dreams.
He is good...all the time.
I am a signs and wonders type of Christian. I believe in God, I know He is all powerful, still performing miracles and healing everyday. But sometimes God has to give me some confirmation before I recognize it is Him at work. I know most days, God is standing in Heaven, tapping His foot like "Really... you still need more proof that I am who I say I am? Get it together." But thankfully, God is patient and merciful and doesn't mind showing me for the millionth time that He's got me. Thanks Father...seriously.
I had been praying for God to reveal things to me in my dreams and as I go about my day. And of course, God being God, He obliges me. He gives me opportunities to witness to people, He gives me those "a ha" revelations at the strangest times, and He speaks in my dreams.
I have a tendency to wonder "what if" a lot and even worse, I "romanticize the past" as the charming Beth Moore calls it. I wonder "what if I handle this situation this way, even though I know its against your will for me?" Or "what if I seek out and pursue this guy I like, even though you've told me to wait?" Or I start to ponder the enemy's enchanting whispers that holding out for hope on someone God has saved me from, might make them come back.
Thankfully, my Father still has bigger plans for me and would rather keep tapping His foot in Heaven, than allow me to travel down the wrong path. It hit me on the drive home from hanging out with friends that God spoke comfort and peace into my heart in that dream. He understands I still struggle from time to time with really rationalizing the fact that I have let go and moved on, so He reminds me of the reasons why He spared me from making such a tragic mistake with that relationship. Being able to actually feel those feelings of doubt and unrest while dreaming was just a reminder of how I feel when I am awake and examine that relationship. Whenever I start down that "what if" path, God quickly reveals to me that He spared me from a relationship that was destined to be stressful, unhappy, complacent, and unfulfilled and totally unaligned with His idea of how a relationship and marriage is supposed to be.
Sometimes I wonder if my daydreaming is the cause of so many rocky relationships too. Well sort of. When my mind wanders about my current single status and the ever present desire to court and get married, God usually sends a broken relationship my way to examine. He reminds me with constant examples of what happens when people go outside His plan and do things their own way. It is revealed to me the consequences of couples that don't guard their hearts and adhere to sexual purity and allow sin to be center of their relationships, not Him. I am faced with adultery, broken trust, divorce, heartbreak, wasted year and unsatisfactory lives.
But my Father adores me. He thinks enough of me to spare me from that. He desires for me to be filled with blessings and happiness that He doesn't mind showing me the reality of what happens when I am impatient and decide to take matters into my own hands. Only a loving protecting father would go to such lengths to ensure that I inherit all the riches due to His beloved daughter. Doesn't get any better than that.
He is good...all the time.
I am a signs and wonders type of Christian. I believe in God, I know He is all powerful, still performing miracles and healing everyday. But sometimes God has to give me some confirmation before I recognize it is Him at work. I know most days, God is standing in Heaven, tapping His foot like "Really... you still need more proof that I am who I say I am? Get it together." But thankfully, God is patient and merciful and doesn't mind showing me for the millionth time that He's got me. Thanks Father...seriously.
I had been praying for God to reveal things to me in my dreams and as I go about my day. And of course, God being God, He obliges me. He gives me opportunities to witness to people, He gives me those "a ha" revelations at the strangest times, and He speaks in my dreams.
I have a tendency to wonder "what if" a lot and even worse, I "romanticize the past" as the charming Beth Moore calls it. I wonder "what if I handle this situation this way, even though I know its against your will for me?" Or "what if I seek out and pursue this guy I like, even though you've told me to wait?" Or I start to ponder the enemy's enchanting whispers that holding out for hope on someone God has saved me from, might make them come back.
Thankfully, my Father still has bigger plans for me and would rather keep tapping His foot in Heaven, than allow me to travel down the wrong path. It hit me on the drive home from hanging out with friends that God spoke comfort and peace into my heart in that dream. He understands I still struggle from time to time with really rationalizing the fact that I have let go and moved on, so He reminds me of the reasons why He spared me from making such a tragic mistake with that relationship. Being able to actually feel those feelings of doubt and unrest while dreaming was just a reminder of how I feel when I am awake and examine that relationship. Whenever I start down that "what if" path, God quickly reveals to me that He spared me from a relationship that was destined to be stressful, unhappy, complacent, and unfulfilled and totally unaligned with His idea of how a relationship and marriage is supposed to be.
Sometimes I wonder if my daydreaming is the cause of so many rocky relationships too. Well sort of. When my mind wanders about my current single status and the ever present desire to court and get married, God usually sends a broken relationship my way to examine. He reminds me with constant examples of what happens when people go outside His plan and do things their own way. It is revealed to me the consequences of couples that don't guard their hearts and adhere to sexual purity and allow sin to be center of their relationships, not Him. I am faced with adultery, broken trust, divorce, heartbreak, wasted year and unsatisfactory lives.
But my Father adores me. He thinks enough of me to spare me from that. He desires for me to be filled with blessings and happiness that He doesn't mind showing me the reality of what happens when I am impatient and decide to take matters into my own hands. Only a loving protecting father would go to such lengths to ensure that I inherit all the riches due to His beloved daughter. Doesn't get any better than that.
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