2 Years Ago Today...

2 years ago today, I found myself at a Fusion service that changed my life. For real changed my life. September 9, 2009...a day I won't forget.

Fusion had recently kicked off the Naked and Unashamed series and I had only been to maybe 2 services. But I was hooked. I loved it. Loved the worship, the people (even though I really didn't know anyone), the energy, and the fact that they were talking about relationships (one of my favorite topics). For some reason, I knew going into service that something was different. Earlier that day, I was at work listening to the God on Mute series. I got to the last message of the series and heard a woman named Angela give her testimony. She had an incredible story of sexual abuse, brokenness, despair and redemption. I was in tears by the time it was over because her story sounded like mine. I was thinking to myself how I wish I could meet Angela because her bravery in telling her story did something to me that made me want that type of freedom.

I get to service and Pastor Johnson and his wife Summer talk about healing from heartbreak. Healing from all the sins, scars and shame we carried around. I felt a tug in my heart.

Summer was transparent that night and revealed her own story of abuse and how it plagued her early on in her marriage. I was in awe. The pastor's wife had a story like mine? That's not supposed to happen! Pastors don't have issues like that. Us regular broken people do, not people called to preach the Good News. But I needed to hear her story that night. I needed to hear Angela's story that day.

I needed to know I was not alone and that being whole and healed was possible.

Pastor Johnson did an alter call. There was a cross on both sides of the stage and there were little blue slips of paper. He asked us to write down all of our sins, nail them to the cross, accept Jesus if we hadn't already and let Him set us free from bondage. I remember sitting in my seat with my blue slip of paper kind of embarrassed because I had a lot of sin in my life. Abuse, fornication, pornography, babies out of wedlock, lying, abortion, infidelity, insecurity, pride, brokenness, low self esteem, lack of faith, hopelessness, worthlessness, fear, abandonment issues, mommy and daddy issues, codependency.

Could Jesus really accept me with all my dirt and shameful ways? There is no way He could forgive me with ALL the stuff I had done. I was too scared to write everything down because it would fill up the whole paper! But then I remembered Summer and Angela. Both had shame in their past, both allowed God to heal them and now they are telling other people that He can do the same for them. Maybe He could save me from myself.

As the band played, I wrote out my sins, folded my piece of paper and stood in line to get to the cross. I was nervous and anxious but felt like I was making the right decision. The closer I got to the cross, the harder it was to hold back the tears. With every step closer, it felt like I was getting lighter and lighter. I had no clue what was happening to me. As I nailed that little blue piece of paper to that cross with tears pouring out of my eyes, I knew that this was the start of something new. I felt such a peace and a calm come over me as I stood before the cross. At some point, I stopped hearing the music play. I stopped hearing the people around me cry out to God. I stopped hearing Johnson shout for us to be set free.

In that moment, I met Jesus at the cross. I laid all my sins before Him to see. I could no longer keep going holding on them. And He took them all and gave me freedom. He released me from shame, guilt, hurt, and fear. I accepted salvation and He accepted the bruised and broken girl before Him. It was an amazing experience, one that I will never forget.

As soon as I got home, I emailed Summer and thanked her for sharing her story and explained all that had happened to me that night. To my surprise she emailed me back minutes later excited right along with me. Then to my absolute surprise, Johnson emailed me and asked if he could put my testimony on the Fusion Facebook page. I agreed because I learned the power of your testimony. Wonder if its still up there?

A couple of days later, I ran into my small group leader Lee. I told her about the amazing experience at the cross and Angela's testimony. I went on and on about how hearing her story just rocked my world and I wished I could meet her and thank her. With a smirk on her face, Lee told me that I was talking about Angela Kaupe, who just happened to be her friend and accountability. The following service, I got the chance to meet Angela and give her a big tear fulled hug. She was so nice and was absolutely glowing because her and her husband Mike were expecting a baby.

Here I am 2 years later and I couldn't be more happy about deciding to take Jesus up on His offer. Been a long yet AMAZING 2 year journey and He is still blowing my mind with His faithfulness. It's funny that one testimony started it all for me and now my heart has been burdened to create an outlet for others to share their testimonies and set more people free.

Wow...it's all making sense now. To be continued...

I Am Second

God has an interesting way of lining things up for me. When it comes to this whole writing thing, He has sent some pretty awesome people my way and has flooded me with ideas. After sitting and talking with my friend Amber a few days ago, I been pondering what this vision I have been given looks like.

Stories. Testimonies. One of the most powerful tool for winning souls for the Kingdom besides the Bible and Christ Himself. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has a defining moment where they decided to leave it all behind to follow Jesus.

I happened upon this video testimony on YouTube a while ago and for the oddest reason, I came back to it again tonight. I listened to Brian Welch's story of redemption and was in tears. Powerful story that can soften even the hardest of hearts. You can see so many other videos testimonies like Brian's at I Am Second. This is an amazing movement that is spreading globally to give people hope to know that their circumstance is not the end of the world. It is meant to inspire you. It is meant to show you that the most admired people in the world all have struggles just like the rest of us.

Enjoy and hopefully you will join the movement. I have.

Fusion on Tour

While being in Peru, Fusion (young adult ministry at my church), decided to embark on a light version of Fusion on Tour. Fusion on Tour was a brainchild that was hatched a couple of years ago by our ministry leaders. Pastor Johnson is very much an advocate of our generation learning how to "be the church" and not just attend church. It is so easy to get into a Wednesday Fusion service groove and leave behind all the practical concepts that we learn from the teachings. To help shake things up, 2 years ago, Pastor J announced at one service that he was shutting down Fusion for 6 weeks.

That was a HUGE deal. Fusion is really big on community and living out life together so to not meet on our regular Wednesday was hard. It was our routine. Yeah we had small groups that meet during the week and people hung out all the time but not being immersed in our amazing worship sets with the band or hearing an inspiring message from Pastor J was hard to fathom. Instead of our regular weekly meetings, we had to go out into the community and actually be the church. Each week, there are different "tour dates." Tour dates include anything from sharing your testimony online on FB and tag friends and family members that are not saved, buying someone a coke to show them that Jesus loves them, building a bridge with a friend or family member that you have lost contact with over the years, or take a coworker to lunch day. Simple gestures that open the door for your to introduce (or re-introduce) people to Jesus.

Fusion on Tour launch night is always night of chaos and adrenaline. Small group leaders gather their groups together to give out their assignments. The tasks are simple. Some go the local gas station and pre-pay for gas for people. Some go to a restaurant and talk with the server about God (my group went to Hooters last year). Some may go to a fast food place and pay for food for people in line. One group last year went to the local Publix grocery store, bought food for the employees, stocked shelves, mopped floors, took customers groceries to their cars, and just prayed for random people around the store. It's always AMAZING the stories and reports that flow in from people that did little things around their community that make such a huge impact in the lives of people.

This year, Fusion is doing a "light" version of Fusion on Tour. Kind of a bummer but with so many changes and transitions going on, I wasn't sure if were even doing the tour. Only one week off and just a couple of tour dates during that off week. I love the "Fusion Goes Viral" date the most. Everyone posts their testimony online for the world to see. It's amazing and eye opening when people open their heart and share where God has pulled them from. You never really know what some one's life was like in their BC (before Christ) days but the end result is always glory for God.

I have shared more of an edited version of my own testimony with most people and have been a bit more open here (more for therapeutic reasons). Think its finally time to tell the whole story, no sugar coating, no details left out. Sharing my story with the girls at The Nancy Cole House (rescue shelter for former sex trafficking victims) in Peru made me feel like my story was relevant considering their own pasts. I was a little shocked when I was asked to share my story but I knew it was all in God's timing. Missionaries have the best intentions but sometimes, living a relatively "sheltered" Christian life gets lost in translation when talking with a 12 year old who has been forced to have sex with 40 men a day for the past 5 years. Hearing what God has done from someone who has been abused and abandoned resonates more when you can relate.

It may take a couple of days to get my story together to post and at the same time, process my experience in Peru. Lots to do!