Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Love Languages

I love good communication skills. I crave intelligent conversations. Even more so, I love when people know my love language. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the book The Five Love Languages and I was blessed with a copy from one of my favorite bloggers and author's Shellie R. Warren. That book totally opened my eyes and gave me some wonderful in site on why some of the ways we try to show someone love and affections aren't always effective.

My love languages in order of preference are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation and gifts. I didn't know this until I read the book and started looking at my life and how I respond to gestures of kindness from people. My friend Heather and I often joke about needing our love languages stroked when we need to quality time with people or just a hug.

God has used my knowledge of love languages to reveal times when I didn't give certain people the type of love they needed. When I think about to my relationship with Ryan, I realize his love languages were words of affirmation and physical touch. We had the physical touch down but I often found myself frustrated when he always needed reassurance and positive words. I took that as a lack of confidence in himself when in hindsight, that's how he received love. I remember the fights we got into when he wanted to hang out with his friends as opposed to us spending time together. Again, a miscommunication in love languages.

God kinda checked me a few weeks ago when I was frustrated about whether or not a guy was interested in me. In all honesty, I was frustrated because I wasn't having my love languages stroked. Not the guy's fault, but just a reminder of how important it is to know how people receive love and affection. In any relationship, knowing how your significant other receives love can save lots of time and pointless arguments. If he knows that she loves gifts but isn't big on words of affirmation, telling her how much he loves her isn't as effective as showing her with jewelry or flowers. If he isn't big on acts of service but craves words of affirmation, rearranging his junky desk wont be as effective is reminding him how proud she is of him.

Learn your love language and the love languages of the people that are close to you. Knowing someone's love language can change the entire course of a relationship.


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