I had an interesting conversation with a guy friend today about relationships, dating and courtship. This is what I like to call typical boy meets girl stuff. Having a Christian relationship can be kinda tricky if all you know is regular dating, sex, break up, date again. I have sat through many relationship series, bought the books, bounced questions off of friends, etc. Yet at the end of the day, all we have are guidelines to follow. No sure fire formula so for many, some things are left up to interpretation.
My latest boy meets girl scenario came as an interesting revelation over the weekend. It finally dawned on me that a friend that I have known for a couple of years is interested in me in a more than a friend way. I had a hunch but suppressed the girl in me who wanted to analyze every gesture as a sign of pending marriage. After a few days of pondering this revelation, I finally asked my admirer what he thought of me.
My hunch was pretty much confirmed minus the fanfare and theatrics. I explained the turn of events to my guy friend over the phone and in typical guy fashion, he asked what I was going to do next. My response was immediate and natural.
Nothing.
For a woman who desires to be married and to find out that this guy is digging me, I am pretty sure my friend thought I had lost my mind. But to me, doing nothing made sense. I realized that had I not asked the first question, my admirer would probably not have ever shed light on the fact that he saw me as more than a friend. But I had to ask the question. I had to take it upon myself to get clarity. Even after it has all been said and done, it would still be up to me to figure out what happens next. I would have to take the lead.
But that is not what God intended. Proverbs 18:22 says that "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Can't get any clearer than that. God intended for a man to find a good thing, not a woman find a good thing. Men are designed by God to be leaders, to pursue their future wives. That was a revelation tonight. God randomly reminded me that I am to be pursued and I am worthy of a man's efforts of pursuit. Me doing absolutely nothing meant that I know I am worthy of being chased, wooed, and won over.
Don't take my desire to do nothing as me just waiting idly by until a man falls from Heaven. Far from that. But it is my belief that women should not spend their time chasing guys. Often times women put themselves on display, make themselves available to catch the gaze of a man, being the initiator of conversations, invitations to hang out, whatever the case maybe. Sure in this day and age, it's common place for women to do these things but I know God has placed the call of leadership on the man's shoulder. If I am going to submit and respect my future husband as the spiritual leader and covering of my household, I would assume him mustering up the courage to ask me out, express his interest and try to win me over would be common sense.
The idea of being pursued reminded me of the story my friend and fellow Peru missionary Chae told me about how she and her boyfriend Brendan started courting. They went through the whole getting to know you phase, hanging out in groups, seeing how they interact with friends, then graduating onto more one on one conversations, asking more detailed questions, revealing bits and pieces of themselves. After months and months of taking things slow and getting to know each other, they agreed to court each other. The whole time, Brendan pursued her. He stepped up and initiated conversations and planned outings. He expressed his desire to be with her without even really knowing if she felt the same way. He pursued her. However, shortly afterwards Chae was apprehensive about whether or not this courtship would even last let alone evolve into marriage. God revealed to her that He sent her Brendan so that God Himself could pursue her through Brendan. God wanted to express His love and devotion to her through the love and devotion Brendon would shower on her during his pursuit of her.
Only God can write love stories like that.
Just a few moments ago, I messaged my guy friend and explained the revelation I had. My position as a woman is to be pursued. Period. A man should know his position as the leader, step out on faith and pursue a woman wholeheartedly just like God pursues us daily. I think he got my point. This whole Christian dating thing is not for the weak and timid. Takes courage and faith to step up and follow God's lead. But it is so worth it in the end.
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