Monday, November 1, 2010

25 Things about Me

I would like to think I am probably one of the lamest people around. No, seriously. I think my life is rather average, nothing really exciting going on right now, pretty routine. Now do I like that? Absolutely NOT!! So ready for a change of pace, something to shake things up. So I decided to see if I can come up with 25 interesting things about me. Here goes.

1. I was born in a car. Yes, I was born in a Buick La Sabre on a hot summer day in June. My godmother, Frances Washington delivered my in the back of the car, which is why my name is Frances instead of Tamika. Kinda glad too.

2. I love burnt popcorn. I don't know if that is interesting or not but I think it's one of those quirky things people tend to keep to themselves. Whenever I make microwaved popcorn, I purposefully leave it in too long and I always have to run outside to open the bag so the house doesn't smell.

3. I am a parent who feels rather clueless some days about being a parent. I don't think I am a bad parent, but I am to the point where I can admit, I don't have all the answers and I don't always know what I am doing. Most days, I hope the kids get through the day in one piece.

4. I absolutely love Jesus. I guess this should be first but I am just going off the top of my head. I often feel pretty new to being a true follower of Christ and still feel rather wet behind the ears. My small group leader gave me the biggest boost of confidence when she suggested I be a mentor next year. Guess I am maturing in the Spirit after all.

5. I don't always trust God. Right now, me and God are not really on the best speaking terms. I'm not mad at Him and He definitely isn't mad at me. I'm just having a tough time really trusting Him to be my all. Totally my own hang up and I am working through it.

6. Some days, I get so depressed I don't even want to get out of bed...and I don't. I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression back in 2003. Did the whole counseling and Prozac thing for a while. I do have rare times where life seems to gets the best of me and really leaves me empty. I've learned the whole mind over matter thing and now I simply turn my cares over to God. Even with all that, some days, I do just need some hours to recharge and regroup. I have realized that when I get to that point, God is really telling me to slow down. After a day of rest, I am back on the grind.

7. There are days when I miss Ryan. I am happy that he has this new chapter in his life, but I am fearful of the decisions that he makes because I know they are not always his. I know God totally spared me from him because He knew that Ryan was not His best for me and for that I am grateful. But I do miss my friend Ryan, not boyfriend Ryan. We share some of the happiest times I can remember and he was there during many of my darkest days. Part of me always thought he and I would finally get our act together and make it work but the bigger part of me knew that was not the right path.

8. I have slept with married men. There was Tyran, who I had no clue was married. He taught me that some married me do cheat and cheat often with no remorse. There was Joshua, the part of my past that still makes me smile to this day. Not the cheating part but just what we shared when we were kids. Looking back, he and I had the strongest soul tie that took the longest to break. We made the mistake of giving into temptation which was truly a once in a life time chance. And there was Maurice, again, had no clue he was married. When we met, I knew he had a girlfriend and back then, that really wasn't that big of a deal to me. Encountering him again out of the blue 2 years later, the girlfriend had been upgraded to wife. Didn't realize that until he forgot to take off his wedding ring before he came over. He was the breaking point that I brought myself to before I knew God needed to seriously intervene in my life. Haven't been with anyone since Maurice. December 28, 2010 will be one year celibate.

9. I sometimes think that I may never get married. I am always being told that God has the perfect mate for me. I should wait and be patient and keep my focus on God and my husband will find me. Patience isn't my strongest trait but I am learning how to be patient. Am I supposed to sit back and wait or am I supposed to go out and make myself available so that I can be found? I could go on and on on this one.

10. I have a fear of frogs. I mean a terrifying, panic attack inducing fear of frogs. I don't even know where this fear came from but it is absolutely ridiculous.

11. My favorite movie the world is Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Corny I know but it was the very first movie I saw in the movie theater when I was in the second grade.

12. I am a bit of a nerd. I love reading and have finally gotten my passion for writing back. I had a wicked case of writers block for 10 years so here I am. I am my own worst critic and never really think I am any good at it. Barnes and Noble is like my own little piece of Heaven on Earth.

13. I have developed a heart for sex trafficking victims and sometimes wish I could save them all. I have to remind myself that my job isn't to save the world but to help train up our Father's army to help change the world.

14. I have an absolute fear of public speaking. I do not like speaking in front of people at all. This is more of a hindrance on what I ultimately want to do in the near future which is lead a small group. God is slowly working on me to release my fear but it's a work in progress. It's funny because people think I am so social and outgoing when I really am not!

15. I secretly love to cook but usually don't have time nor budget to really cook like I want to. I am addicted to Food Network and the Cooking Channel. Unfortunately, I have picky children who would rather eat hot dogs and tacos everyday as opposed to a full meal.

16. I actually don't have very many regrets in my life. My life has been filled with heartache and triumph but I don't think I would actually trade my experiences for anyone else's.

17. I have not had sex since December 28, 2009 and I have not had a boyfriend in a year and a half. This is the longest time for both of those for me but this has been the most freeing and rewarding season in my life. Letting go of sex wasn't as hard as I thought it would be since it was already something I had detached myself from mentally a long time ago, just not physically. Not having companionship has been the hard part but that just meant I needed to learn to lean on my Savior more. Enjoying the ride.

18. I don't have a very good relationship with my mother or my grandmother. I can see how the generational curse is evident in my family and I am not quite sure how to break that. My mother has not always been the best mother and has her own demons she is battling. My grandmother has always been one for pointing out the bad in everything instead of find something good. I often thank God for softening and transforming my heart so that I don't walk in their footsteps.

19. God answer my prayers in a big way in 2006. I was pregnant with my son Aiden and I asked God to keep my great grandmother Elizabeth alive long enough so she could meet him. She wasn't ill or anything, just old. She was born in 1906, so I knew she wasn't gonna be around too much longer. I felt like, if she didn't meet Aiden, my world just wouldn't be right and I would have completely lost it. My brother, sister and I all had babies that summer. Caury was born June 9, Kameron was born August 3 and Aiden was born September 19. My great grandmother died on December 9, 2006. She got to see all of the great great grand kids before she died. I think because I know God let her hold on as long as she did, I was able to handle her death a lot better than expected.

20. I think God is calling me to work with sex abuse victims. I have always heard that your purpose can be rooted in your pain. As a survivor of sexual abuse, I can see that (first time mentioning this. Wow). I sometimes wonder if I was one of the lucky ones whose life was semi-spared from the jacked up reality a lot of kids face after suffering from abuse. I was caught up in the spirit of sexual sin for years but thankfully, Christ has freed me from that strong hold as well as showing me a love that transcends all understanding. I am no different from the victims that still battle demons, just a bit more healed and renewed.

21. I don't really know if I want more kids. Having a kid at 17, then another at 25 kinda has me jaded. Real talk. I've been a parent for 12 years and after doing it alone for so long, I think I am tired. Of course this is me speaking without the thought of marriage entering the equation. If I ever get married, that tune will probably change but I would need to be reassured and convinced that we both are in for the long haul. Divorce is real and being a single mom with more kids just isn't something I am envisioning.

22. I want to be a missionary. As crazy as it sounds, I really do. Traveling to foreign countries spreading the gospel seems astounding. Never even been on one mission trip (hoping for Peru in 2011) but for some reason, I have this strong desire to be in the mission field.

23. I want to be a writer full time. I have always loved writing but being a teen mom kinda makes you be a bit more realistic with your career aspirations. I put my dream on a permanent hold and sometimes wonder if I had a different path in life, what kind of books would I have written. Now I am a lover of the mind and helping the wounded well with counseling, but I think more writing is on the horizon.

24. I absolutely love Victory World Church and Fusion. That church and that ministry have literally saved my life. I truly don't know where I would be had I not taken that leap and come to Victory. I know God is totally working in my favor to restore what has been broken and give me this amazingly abundant life. I have found some of the most amazing friends and developed a community that keeps me on my toes and just in awe of God's power.

25. I think I am a pretty good friend. My longest friendship has been going 16 years strong and Kisha and I still talk every day like we live right around the corner. I cherish my friends dearly and I am so grateful God is placing more and more people in my life to keep me grounded and sane. From the people I met in Jr. High school to the new faces I meet every week, I am grateful.

I actually didn't think I could come up with 25 things. Guess when I stopped trying to follow a formula and just started being real, I was able to be more transparent and real with myself. Blogging is so therapeutic.

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