It's been a few days since I have posted and I guess I needed a little time to slow down from life to put this past week into words. God has been doing some crazy things, like always. But it's even interesting to know that even when I am swimming in my own sea of disconnection from God, He still sees fit to speak to me.
I have these times when I am not quite where I need to be with Him and feel a bit disconnected. It's never anything He has done or hasn't done. It's always me. My life gets in the way. My thoughts get in the way. My fear, my busy schedule, desire to be surrounded by my community, my own personal desires or unmet needs get in the way. He is constant, never changing and I am the flaky, often rebellious emotional me. So there I was, not motivitated to honor Him through out my day, making prayer more of a bothersome routine than intimate time with Him, not telling people about how wonderful and amazing He is. I was feeling a bit wary about Peru, hadn't sent out any support letters, really starting to believe that there was no way I was going to go on this trip. The enemy had invaded my mind and I was constantly wrestling with what I thought was my reality and not submitting to God's destiny. I knew without a doubt that God intended for me to go on this trip because it was Him who placed the burning desire in my heart to help sex trafficking victims. I was being stubborn and trying to hard to rationalize in my natural mind what I know God can accomplish supernaturally.
For 2 nights, I dreamed about Peru. Not about being there but the preparation phase for it. I saw our team brainstorming ideas, coming up with an agenda, praying, raising support together. I knew it was a God fueled dream because I could feel the positive vibes and warm feeling from the environment I was in. When I wasn't dreaming, I found myself thinking about my Princess as I saw the pictures she posted on FB. Money, drugs and alcohol. She is caught up in a dangerous lifestyle that breaks my heart. I am comforted in knowing that the seeds of hope were planted last summer. She has befriended me, Dede & Avery, Veronica and Ginger on FB and I know they all pray for her constantly. We are her makeshift family out in the suburbs, her quiet reminder that there are people that will welcome her back with open arms with one phone call.
When I wasn't thinking about Peru, I was wondering why I couldn't seem to get that spark back into my spiritual life. My lovely friend Quiana has been plagued with this same issue for months. While hanging out before Fusion last Wednesday, I over heard a fellow small group apprentice talking to his leader about the fact that he had been feeling disconnected as well. My friend Daniel IM'd me asking for some spirtual guidance because he was disconnected and had lost his passion. I got a text message from my lovely missionary friend Kemesha on Thursday who said that she had been feeling the exact same way for a week. I was alarmed by the number of people that had been having this same issue at the same time. I never try to super spiritualize anything but something was going on.
While talking with Kemesha, I feeling a loss for words about how to explain things. I told her to just keep pressing forward, keep reading the bible, keep praying and God will breakthrough. Then I remembered what I had shared with Daniel a couple of days earlier.
Isaiah 57:15 says "The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One, says this: "I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble. I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts."
I think the Holy Spirit kinda took over the conversation at that point because somehow I put together the idea that there are more people feeling disconnected in our community and the good thing is the fact that people recognize this disconnect and are still trying to press forward and persue Christ. This desire to reconnect is what is going to lead us into a season of revival where hearts will be reignited and turn back to God with full force. I began to get excited myself because it was last spring when Fusion had this AMAZING crazy season of revival that lasted about 10 weeks. It almost felt like God literally camped out in the santuary and pour out His love and glory over us. After the phone call, I pulled out my bible and was looking over that scripture again and then went to Hosea 6:1-3, another scripture that had been stuck in my head. It says
“Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.”
Both scriptures talk about a call for repentance. Isaiah talks about God reviving hearts and spirits when people repent. Hosea talks about healing and reviving us if we press forward, the very words I spoke to Kemesha over the phone. He will come like the spring rain that waters the earth. I seriously think that God is going to unleash something amazing this spring to revive the disconnected hearts and minds just like He did last year. I am actually getting goosebumps thinking about it. This is something that so many people need despearately right now. I never profess to be someone who has the gift of prophesy but I sincerely think God has something in store for us soon.
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