Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dreaming Again...Geez

OK so now things are starting to get a little weird. I am not a dreamer. I mean I dream at night just like everyone else does and about 98 percent of the time, I forget what my dreams are about. But lately I have been having these reoccurring dreams about a certain blast from the past. I can say with all confidence that I don't sit around thinking about this person. I actually don't think much of them at all nowadays. I don't harbor any unresolved feelings nor do I pine away with the "what if" game. This chapter is closed.


Yet, Saturday night I dreamed about them again. This time, it was our wedding day. I saw myself in a simple white, flowly gown and my hair was longer and straight. I felt in love in the dream, yet apprehensive and nervous. As I walked to the wedding venue, I was disgusted by the condition or the building. It looked like a regular run down store front. I opened the rickety door and I was standing right at the altar, looking at 3 bridesmaids in the most hideous coral hued gowns and tacky decor all around. I turned and walked away.

Through out the rest of the dream, I found myself walking along a beach in my wedding dress, running into various faceless people that kept asking me why I walked away. My only excuse: I didn't like the colors or the decor. Never once did I think or feel like I was marrying the wrong person or making a huge mistake. I genuinely wanted to marry him and felt so bad for leaving him at the alter. I found myself frantically asking everyone had they seen my groom, fearful that I had made the biggest mistake all because of some minor issues.

But he found me. He found me.

I pulled up in a jeep on the beach. I don't recall ever seeing his face and his build was heavier than he is today but the name was the same. He hugged me. No anger, just relief. He found me. He promised that I could have any kind of wedding I wanted, as long as I didn't leave again. I was happy. I was in love. I was safe. He found me.

I have no clue what any of these dreams mean. Maybe they are some repressed feelings buried deep in my subconscious. Maybe they are just a subconscious manifestation of my desire to get married period, not specifically him. Who knows? I've prayed about it. No answer as of yet.

We shall see what happens next.

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