I'm sitting here still in awe of what I witnessed last night. I went to a house warming for Lauren and Jarvis Gatlin which was also a birthday celebration for Jillian thanks to her wonderful fiancee' Keith. The night was filled with prayers, blessings spoken over the house and newlyweds, gifts, laughs, more prayers and blessings between Keith and Jill, more laughs, an engagement video, great food and worship. It was a blessing to see the beauty in couples that honor God before and after marriage.
As I twirl my purity ring around my left ring finger, I am laughing at how God moves and speaks. A week ago, out of the blue, I got the idea in my head that I needed to switch my ring from my right ring finger to my left finger. Now I know it was a God thing because there really isn't any way I would convince myself that putting my ring, which looks likes a wedding band, on THE wedding finger. I've worn it on my right finger ever since a guy mistaken thought I was married after looking at my hand. To me this, ring signifies my commitment to honor Christ in my thoughts, actions and with my body, but not to be a man repellent. While at the party, I felt the strong nudge to take the step of faith and switch my ring to my left hand. After a few minutes of going back and forth with the idea, I gave in and switched the little silver band to THE ring finger.
And I was okay with it. In that moment of obedience, I stopped worrying about whether or not men will mistake this purity ring as a wedding band and not approach me. I knew in my heart what the ring meant and since this was a God move, I trust Him enough to know that this wont stop His plan. I believe this was an act of faith and commitment. God's way of seeing if I really trust Him to release this aspect of my life to Him completely. I am certain I will have naysayers who will probably try to convince me that the ring on that hand is a bad idea. No worries though cause I trust God above what people say.
After basking in the moment of my bold move, I looked around the room. I saw several couples enjoying each other, laughing, praying, sharing a meal, enjoying the union that God had put together. I saw the Jensens, the Gatlins, Melissa and Elijah, Tierra and Chris, Keith and Jillian and other couples who all trusted God with their relationships. It was something beautiful to witness and be apart of. Hearing the men in one corner talk about guarding the hearts of their girlfriends, fiance's and wives took my breath away. Hearing the women talk about honoring God with their bodies so that they in turn honor their men was astounding. You don't hear that in the world cause only God has the power to orchestrate something so beautiful.
Then I heard God whisper "This is what I have for you." Everything that I was witnessing was available to me as well. There was no need to worry or be fearful. He still had a plan to finish penning my own personal love story in His time. My job was to be patient, faithful and obedient. He will take care of the rest.
Showing posts with label purity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label purity. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Hardest Thing I've Ever Done
I am a 29 year old virgin. LOL. Well okay, not a virgin in the traditional sense, especially since I have 2 kids. But in my mind I am a virgin again. As of December 28, 2010, I officially have not had sex in 1 year. Willingly not had sex in 1 year. Yes, I made a vow to myself not to have sex anymore until I was married. That vow was probably the hardest thing I have ever done.
I didn't have any formal ceremony, no fanfare or public declaration. I came back to Christ in September 2009 after straying for about 10 years and got baptized that November. When I made the choice to get baptized, I made the commitment to take my walk with Christ seriously. That included honoring Him in all ways, including my body. I made the decision to remain pure, but it took a few weeks before that commitment I made with my mouth actually caught up with my heart. It was on that night in December that I really felt disappointed and disgusted with myself about having sex outside of marriage. It was the first time that I seriously couldn't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling like such a hypocrite. I knew that on that day, my life had to change. Everyone has those pivotal moments where their life literally changes in an instant. That was one of mine.
Breaking that spirit of Jezebel, lust, and sexual immorality was HARD. Like seriously hard. I've struggled with sexual sin for as long as I can remember but refraining from it takes more effort than most things in my life. I am diligent and intentional about avoiding things that reignite that familiar spirit. I have basically cut out TV except for The Food Network and Cooking Channel because sex is in just about every show and commercial. I have cut out most of the old music I used to listen to because again, nothing but sex. I don't allow myself to be alone with men, especially someone I have feelings for. I already know that my flesh will be stronger than my will, so I am not even going to chance it. I tell friends when I am having sexual desires so they can hold me accountable. It's harder to fall into sexual sin when you are confessing it and having someone speak positive and reassuring words into your life. Are these radical changes? Not really. At some point in your life, the things that were entertaining stop being entertaining. When operating in the Spirit, you can't help but turn away from sin. I can still remember instinctively shielding my eyes during a sex scene at a movie for the very first time last year. I shocked myself actually but then realized that I was a new person, a new creation in Christ who choses to honor Him with a pure body, mind and spirit.
So I have one whole year of celibacy under my belt and it hasn't killed me. In all honesty, I think I have grown and matured more in this year than in all of my 29 years. I didn't have that sexual spirit consuming me and distracting me from things that My Father deem more important. Don't misunderstand me because the feelings are still there. I just choose to submit their desire to My Father and allow His grace and mercy to ease my heart. Pastor Johnson always says that he is striving to have more white dresses in our generation and I think that stuck with me when I heard it at my first Fusion service. No matter how much I love sex, I love honoring My Father more.
I didn't have any formal ceremony, no fanfare or public declaration. I came back to Christ in September 2009 after straying for about 10 years and got baptized that November. When I made the choice to get baptized, I made the commitment to take my walk with Christ seriously. That included honoring Him in all ways, including my body. I made the decision to remain pure, but it took a few weeks before that commitment I made with my mouth actually caught up with my heart. It was on that night in December that I really felt disappointed and disgusted with myself about having sex outside of marriage. It was the first time that I seriously couldn't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling like such a hypocrite. I knew that on that day, my life had to change. Everyone has those pivotal moments where their life literally changes in an instant. That was one of mine.
Breaking that spirit of Jezebel, lust, and sexual immorality was HARD. Like seriously hard. I've struggled with sexual sin for as long as I can remember but refraining from it takes more effort than most things in my life. I am diligent and intentional about avoiding things that reignite that familiar spirit. I have basically cut out TV except for The Food Network and Cooking Channel because sex is in just about every show and commercial. I have cut out most of the old music I used to listen to because again, nothing but sex. I don't allow myself to be alone with men, especially someone I have feelings for. I already know that my flesh will be stronger than my will, so I am not even going to chance it. I tell friends when I am having sexual desires so they can hold me accountable. It's harder to fall into sexual sin when you are confessing it and having someone speak positive and reassuring words into your life. Are these radical changes? Not really. At some point in your life, the things that were entertaining stop being entertaining. When operating in the Spirit, you can't help but turn away from sin. I can still remember instinctively shielding my eyes during a sex scene at a movie for the very first time last year. I shocked myself actually but then realized that I was a new person, a new creation in Christ who choses to honor Him with a pure body, mind and spirit.
So I have one whole year of celibacy under my belt and it hasn't killed me. In all honesty, I think I have grown and matured more in this year than in all of my 29 years. I didn't have that sexual spirit consuming me and distracting me from things that My Father deem more important. Don't misunderstand me because the feelings are still there. I just choose to submit their desire to My Father and allow His grace and mercy to ease my heart. Pastor Johnson always says that he is striving to have more white dresses in our generation and I think that stuck with me when I heard it at my first Fusion service. No matter how much I love sex, I love honoring My Father more.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Accountability
Accountability equals life saver. Seriously. Since being back into the folds of Christianity after straying for YEARS, the concept of accountability has been discussed about a million times. "Get an accountability partner!" Hmm, that was always a head scratcher in the beginning because I had never heard of accountability before. Now, I don't know what I would do without it.
Accountability is basically your checks and balance people. People that don't mind asking you the tough questions about your life, your spiritual growth, your relationship, your finances, your everything. These are the people you allow into your life to help keep you on the straight and narrow. When I think "straight and narrow," I always remember that passage in Matthew 7:13-14 that says "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Your accountability circle are the people whose job is to keep you from going through that wide gate of destruction.
I always laugh at myself and say "I'm just one Friday night away from being back in the world." I wouldn't go that far and say I am that much of a fence straddler but I do know my weakness and I know what seasons I am in. Right now, I am in some what of a "I wouldn't mind a nice company keeper, but I am not willing to sacrifice my relationship with God for that company either." That little twinge of loneliness is there which can totally open up a door for the enemy to slip in and wreck shop. He has done it a million times before, so I know he is forever busy. But luckily, I have been blessed with a circle of people that I can call, text, email, Facebook, whatever, to keep me from having those psycho moments.
My friend, Diana and I went out for coffee tonight and as always, we discuss life, relationships, friends, and of course Jesus. She warmed my heart when she said that she knows that I will always let someone know when I have a moment of weakness because I am quick to text her to talk me off the psycho bridge. I laughed cause for a hot minute, I thought Diana would say after about the 10th crazy text that week, that I seriously need to get my life together. But no, she welcomes it. She appreciates my honest spirit and the fact that I do rely on my accountability people. I don't try to be Superwoman and deal with life on my own. I recognize my weakness and instead of operating in the flesh, I submit those issues to God and still confess those issues to those that will quickly check me.
So often we surround ourselves with our resident "yes people." We only share things with people who we know are going to tell us what we want to hear. Not my friends! Heather has told me plenty of times that I need to get my act together and vice versa. Diana will joke with me but she is always real. She wont let me read too much into a simple situation and wont let me allow my crazy little mind to wander too much.
I am thankful to be under leadership that encourages accountability. I have seen the fruits of allowing someone into your life and keeping that transparency and I have also seen the pitfalls of people that still want to keep their life to themselves. I often struggle with accountability and courtship when it comes to meeting someone that doesn't attend Victory. Out of all the churches I have visited and people that I know attend other churches, the idea of accountability and courtship sound like foreign practices. Having to explain the fact that I am not having sex before marriage, I will have to "report" my relationship to my leaders and get that green light before entering into a courtship, not to mention allowing them to have access to our lives, challenging us, keeping an eye on us, dating in groups, etc...yeah, I can see the men running for the hills. As ackward as it may sound to someone who isn't taught accountability, that has been one of those litmus tests I use when meeting someone. If they frown up at keeping our relationship pure before God, getting wisdom and advice from a married accountability couple, having their own personal accountability, basically having a plan and purpose for us and sharing that with someone else, then that's not some I need to be with anyway. What's done in the dark will always come out in the light.
Accountability is basically your checks and balance people. People that don't mind asking you the tough questions about your life, your spiritual growth, your relationship, your finances, your everything. These are the people you allow into your life to help keep you on the straight and narrow. When I think "straight and narrow," I always remember that passage in Matthew 7:13-14 that says "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Your accountability circle are the people whose job is to keep you from going through that wide gate of destruction.
I always laugh at myself and say "I'm just one Friday night away from being back in the world." I wouldn't go that far and say I am that much of a fence straddler but I do know my weakness and I know what seasons I am in. Right now, I am in some what of a "I wouldn't mind a nice company keeper, but I am not willing to sacrifice my relationship with God for that company either." That little twinge of loneliness is there which can totally open up a door for the enemy to slip in and wreck shop. He has done it a million times before, so I know he is forever busy. But luckily, I have been blessed with a circle of people that I can call, text, email, Facebook, whatever, to keep me from having those psycho moments.
My friend, Diana and I went out for coffee tonight and as always, we discuss life, relationships, friends, and of course Jesus. She warmed my heart when she said that she knows that I will always let someone know when I have a moment of weakness because I am quick to text her to talk me off the psycho bridge. I laughed cause for a hot minute, I thought Diana would say after about the 10th crazy text that week, that I seriously need to get my life together. But no, she welcomes it. She appreciates my honest spirit and the fact that I do rely on my accountability people. I don't try to be Superwoman and deal with life on my own. I recognize my weakness and instead of operating in the flesh, I submit those issues to God and still confess those issues to those that will quickly check me.
So often we surround ourselves with our resident "yes people." We only share things with people who we know are going to tell us what we want to hear. Not my friends! Heather has told me plenty of times that I need to get my act together and vice versa. Diana will joke with me but she is always real. She wont let me read too much into a simple situation and wont let me allow my crazy little mind to wander too much.
I am thankful to be under leadership that encourages accountability. I have seen the fruits of allowing someone into your life and keeping that transparency and I have also seen the pitfalls of people that still want to keep their life to themselves. I often struggle with accountability and courtship when it comes to meeting someone that doesn't attend Victory. Out of all the churches I have visited and people that I know attend other churches, the idea of accountability and courtship sound like foreign practices. Having to explain the fact that I am not having sex before marriage, I will have to "report" my relationship to my leaders and get that green light before entering into a courtship, not to mention allowing them to have access to our lives, challenging us, keeping an eye on us, dating in groups, etc...yeah, I can see the men running for the hills. As ackward as it may sound to someone who isn't taught accountability, that has been one of those litmus tests I use when meeting someone. If they frown up at keeping our relationship pure before God, getting wisdom and advice from a married accountability couple, having their own personal accountability, basically having a plan and purpose for us and sharing that with someone else, then that's not some I need to be with anyway. What's done in the dark will always come out in the light.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Juice Boxes and Sex Education
For the past couple of days, I have been monitoring reports about the Helena, Montana public school district's proposed health curriculum that will introduce sex education to kindergartners. Right between a juice box break and recess will be talks about penises and vaginas.
What has our world come to?
I am relieved that parents have turned out in droves to protest this absurd idea of teaching sex to kids that can barely comprehend the concept of walking in a single filed line down the hall way. But, it saddens me that ABC News has reported that President Obama supports this idea. I tend to want to give Obama the benefit of the doubt on most political decisions, but this just will not fly. Where have our moral standards gone? Has this country turned so far away from God's standards to plant the seeds of sexual immorality into the children?
We live in a hyper sexualized world. Sex is everywhere you turn. Movies, TV, music, books, advertisement, everywhere. Kids are like walking sponges, taking in everything that parents don't filter. When the Internet and television replace family teachings on morals and values, it's no wonder that middle schoolers are frequently engaging in sexual activity. I've had countless talks with my middle schooler's teachers about how sex has taken over the schools because of the media, pop culture and lack of parental supervision. Why has it come to this? Why has the country become so accepting of practices that go against God's will?
The proposed curriculum will introduce appropriate names of body parts in kindergarten and the concept that it's alright to have same sex attraction in first grade. Fifth graders will discuss homosexual relationships and sexual intercourse, "which includes but not limited to vaginal, oral or anal penetration." People that support this proposal believe that children should not be shelter from what is in the world. What about teaching them to follow Romans 12:2 and not conform to the world?
Believers in Christ have been made to be set apart from the world and issues like this should cause a stirring in your heart. This is what breaks the heart of God. We have been giving the authority of the Father and the boldness of the Holy Spirit to speak against the sinful nature of the world and to speak God's truth. This world is slowly falling down around us and we must take a stand and reclaim God's Kingdom on Earth.
2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (MSG) states "The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity."
It's time to pray for a revival in this nation. A revival of righteousness and truth. A revival of family values and honoring God's truth. A revival to raise mighty champions who turn against the sins of the world, who remain pure in the bodies and mind, who honor the Father by honoring His Word.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/07/15/montana.sex.education/
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2007/07/sex-ed-for-kind.html
What has our world come to?
I am relieved that parents have turned out in droves to protest this absurd idea of teaching sex to kids that can barely comprehend the concept of walking in a single filed line down the hall way. But, it saddens me that ABC News has reported that President Obama supports this idea. I tend to want to give Obama the benefit of the doubt on most political decisions, but this just will not fly. Where have our moral standards gone? Has this country turned so far away from God's standards to plant the seeds of sexual immorality into the children?
We live in a hyper sexualized world. Sex is everywhere you turn. Movies, TV, music, books, advertisement, everywhere. Kids are like walking sponges, taking in everything that parents don't filter. When the Internet and television replace family teachings on morals and values, it's no wonder that middle schoolers are frequently engaging in sexual activity. I've had countless talks with my middle schooler's teachers about how sex has taken over the schools because of the media, pop culture and lack of parental supervision. Why has it come to this? Why has the country become so accepting of practices that go against God's will?
The proposed curriculum will introduce appropriate names of body parts in kindergarten and the concept that it's alright to have same sex attraction in first grade. Fifth graders will discuss homosexual relationships and sexual intercourse, "which includes but not limited to vaginal, oral or anal penetration." People that support this proposal believe that children should not be shelter from what is in the world. What about teaching them to follow Romans 12:2 and not conform to the world?
Believers in Christ have been made to be set apart from the world and issues like this should cause a stirring in your heart. This is what breaks the heart of God. We have been giving the authority of the Father and the boldness of the Holy Spirit to speak against the sinful nature of the world and to speak God's truth. This world is slowly falling down around us and we must take a stand and reclaim God's Kingdom on Earth.
2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (MSG) states "The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity."
It's time to pray for a revival in this nation. A revival of righteousness and truth. A revival of family values and honoring God's truth. A revival to raise mighty champions who turn against the sins of the world, who remain pure in the bodies and mind, who honor the Father by honoring His Word.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/07/15/montana.sex.education/
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2007/07/sex-ed-for-kind.html
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