Friday, July 23, 2010

Thanks for Everything Ex Boyfriends!

Today has definitely been interesting to say the least. Over lunch, a friend and I had a light hearted talk about what we think men want. Obviously, we are doing everything wrong since we are both single. So my friend and I compared notes. Of the friends and associates that we have that have boyfriends or are married, they seem to have a common theme: long hair, dress to the 9s daily (heels included), they do not cook, clean, and they usually manage to appear needy (I need my light bill paid), of course they don't own anything, have no aspiration past where they are, drama filled (busting windows out of cars), live in the hood and stay away from church (cause men don't want church going women).

Yeah, that is soooo not me. I've cut my hair off; I dress for comfort, not attention; I cook; clean; manage to pay my bills every month; aspire for absolute greatness; so not about the drama; live in the suburbs; and am very faithful to my church. Sounds like I will be least by the world's standards.

We ran this list by a co-worker who has never had trouble in the men department and she basically confirmed our list. Men say they want independence, intelligence, tenacity, spirituality...but settle for everything but. Hmmmm. Men...really? Help a girl out.

Why has life gotten to this point? Why do women have to dumb it down in order for a man to show interest? Is that really what women want? Women, do you really want a man you have to always pretend you are less than your best around? Yeah, the pickings of straight men in Atlanta are slim to none but this only makes it just that much worse.

My response to all the craziness I cause on Facebook this afternoon...thank you to all my ex boyfriends! Yep, a big thanks for either breaking my heart and for every lesson I learned about myself, men and life...and how God fixed all of that.

Every relationship I have ever been in has taught me something. Either what to do, what not to do, what men like, what I like and what neither of us like. That was my measuring stick to navigate with my next relationship. What was I thinking? If I had learned so much, I would have been married and divorced a few times based on my track record with men. It's not so much what I learned then, it's what God has revealed to me at this junction of my life that needs to be removed from my thinking.

Case in point:

Thank you Chris S. for introducing me to sex far too early in life. You were the first guy of many that I somehow allowed myself to believe that if I have sex with you as often as you wanted, you would love me the way I needed in return. Such a lie of the enemy that took me until this time last year to realize.

Thank you Joshua for capturing my heart and being my friend above all else. You allowed me to be vulnerable and broken in your presence and you guarded me with all you could. You never took advantage of my weak moments and you etched a place in my heart that no one has ever been able to match. You were rough on the outside but truly had a heart of gold. You set the bar high.

Thank you Tyran for opening my eyes to the fact that married men do cheat...a lot! I know I was not the first nor the last but you made me really start to think about what it is I believe in when it came to marriage. You showed me what not to do and God showed me His purpose and view of marriage.

Thanks you Shawn for showing me how lost I was in the world and how desperate I was for God's love when I was waiting for you to fill that void. You showed me the ugly side of the enemy's perversion and how easy it is to buy into his broken promises. I allowed myself to do and say things that were so foreign to me, I literally lost who I was in you, just to have you near me. Thank you for understanding my need to leave it all behind.

Thank you Ryan for making me grow up and refuse to settle for less than I know I deserved, even before I knew it. Yeah the honeymoon phase was great but the red flags were there from the start. You showed me how to ignore the obvious, what low self esteem in men looked like, what a co-dependent relationship looked like, and how dysfunctional a relationship can get over time no matter how much we love each other. It was in all the chaos that I realized that route was not meant for me so I walked away, despite my heart wanting to stay. It was in that chaos, that God spoke to my heart and saved me from a path of destruction that would take me far from Him. It was in all that chaos that God ignited a passion for Him that man cannot match. God showed me what a man lead by God looks and acts like. God downloaded His perfect match into my heart and mind, and you do not fit that list. You taught me that change does happen, but we sometimes have to hit rock bottom before we allow God to scoop us up and dust us off. Thanks for allowing me to hit rock bottom.

I like my short hair and that I live in the safety of the suburbs with my nice lawns and good schools. I love my church and I love that I can dress up when I want but don't feel like I have to dress up for attention. I love that I love me cause God showed me how to love me. He loves me past sexual immorality, the desperation, the brokenness, the loneliness, the sin and the shame. He still shines me up from time to time cause I still fall in the dirt, but I'm OK with letting Him have my dirt. He makes everything glorious, even me. Even you. The world is going to tell me everyday that I am not good enough or pretty enough to find a mate or to even function in this world. Good thing I have a Father who likes to shield me from the lies and loves on me constantly. He makes sure I know that I am loved and that I do not have to search for it, it's already mine. My worth is not measured by the world's standards, but in the eyes of my Father who loves me to pieces, dirty and all.

Ladies, thank your exes, and allow God to love you like crazy. He spared you from some train wreck relationships and marriages that He never intended for you to be caught in anyway. He's putting the finishing touches on the one He wants for you and still shining you up in the meantime.

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