Angel and a Princess

Today, my heart was heavy for Shaniya Davis. This 5 year old angel died 1 year ago today. She died at the hands of the man who bought her for the purpose of having sex with her. Yes. Her mother sold her 5 year old daughter into sex slavery. 5 years old. I still remember seeing her picture on the morning news, all dressed in white, looking like my 4 year old niece's twin. I thought I saw my niece Kameron staring back at me, kidnap victim, alone, scared, young. I still remember thinking about Shaniya all morning and all afternoon. I remember follow the news reports and any tips from the AP wire I could find about whether or not she was found. I remember praying for this little girl. I remember reading on change.org that her body had been found along the side of a North Carolina highway. My heart literally broke into pieces.

I admit I was absolutely on fire about what happened to that little girl but I didn't know what I could do to help the cause. A few weeks later, I contacted Innocence Atlanta, who connected me to Redeemed Ministries, where I took the Hands that Heal training. My eyes were opened wide to the issue and I was astounded by the stats and lack of resources. Hundreds of girls on the streets every night and only a hand full of beds available in all of Georgia, if they wanted to escape the life. Crazy I know. Where is the justice?

Fast forward to June and it's Princess Night for Sunday to Sunday. My life would be forever changed by a young 19 year old girl named Sabrina. A girl who had been a prostitute for 3 years. Her rescue was something out of the movies, the sheer volume of time coordinating schedules for her care was mind numbing but the nights I spent in her presence were priceless. She shared about areas of her life freely and was almost like a kid again. Though Sabrina eventually went back to that life after coming and going a few times, I will never forget her face. I will never forget her love for Starburst and Vitamin Water. I will never forget her stories, or her nightmares as she slept. She will forever be our Princess.

I was that girl. I was the poster child for broken homes, generational curses, low self esteem as a child, lack of self worth, lack of direction, lack of God. Raised by a single mom, low income, mom's boyfriends in and out, no father of my own, abused for years. Raised in church but never knew God. I was that girl. I look back and I promise it was by the sheer GRACE of God that I didn't end up being pimped out by some grown man as a kid. Yeah I was smart in school and had friends, but I had more inner turmoil, more dark secrets and shame than anyone ever imagined. I needed love, I needed someone to notice me, I needed someone to love me and take care of me. I was always one "hey pretty girl" away from being lead completely astray. I was that girl. I guess that's why my heart aches for girls that become victims because that truly could have been me. I fit the profile of the 12 year old girl being forced into sex slavery. I was that girl.

When I think of all that God saved me from, even when I didn't know He was working in my favor, I can't imagine my life not speaking up for those whose life mirrored mine years ago. Pastor D always says there is purpose rooted in pain. God can use something bad in your life and use it for good. I am allowing Him to use me, mold and stretch me anyway He sees fit. I cannot even begin to show God my gratitude for redeeming me, for His perfect love that has cast out fear, for His amazing power that I cannot fathom with my natural mind, for rescuing me from a life that would lead me straight to Hell, for calling me His Beloved. I was that girl, bound and broken, but I have been set free and made whole again.

Thanks for Everything Ex Boyfriends!

Today has definitely been interesting to say the least. Over lunch, a friend and I had a light hearted talk about what we think men want. Obviously, we are doing everything wrong since we are both single. So my friend and I compared notes. Of the friends and associates that we have that have boyfriends or are married, they seem to have a common theme: long hair, dress to the 9s daily (heels included), they do not cook, clean, and they usually manage to appear needy (I need my light bill paid), of course they don't own anything, have no aspiration past where they are, drama filled (busting windows out of cars), live in the hood and stay away from church (cause men don't want church going women).

Yeah, that is soooo not me. I've cut my hair off; I dress for comfort, not attention; I cook; clean; manage to pay my bills every month; aspire for absolute greatness; so not about the drama; live in the suburbs; and am very faithful to my church. Sounds like I will be alone...at least by the world's standards.

We ran this list by a co-worker who has never had trouble in the men department and she basically confirmed our list. Men say they want independence, intelligence, tenacity, spirituality...but settle for everything but. Hmmmm. Men...really? Help a girl out.

Why has life gotten to this point? Why do women have to dumb it down in order for a man to show interest? Is that really what women want? Women, do you really want a man you have to always pretend you are less than your best around? Yeah, the pickings of straight men in Atlanta are slim to none but this only makes it just that much worse.

My response to all the craziness I cause on Facebook this afternoon...thank you to all my ex boyfriends! Yep, a big thanks for either breaking my heart and for every lesson I learned about myself, men and life...and how God fixed all of that.

Every relationship I have ever been in has taught me something. Either what to do, what not to do, what men like, what I like and what neither of us like. That was my measuring stick to navigate with my next relationship. What was I thinking? If I had learned so much, I would have been married and divorced a few times based on my track record with men. It's not so much what I learned then, it's what God has revealed to me at this junction of my life that needs to be removed from my thinking.

Case in point:

Thank you Chris S. for introducing me to sex far too early in life. You were the first guy of many that I somehow allowed myself to believe that if I have sex with you as often as you wanted, you would love me the way I needed in return. Such a lie of the enemy that took me until this time last year to realize.

Thank you Joshua for capturing my heart and being my friend above all else. You allowed me to be vulnerable and broken in your presence and you guarded me with all you could. You never took advantage of my weak moments and you etched a place in my heart that no one has ever been able to match. You were rough on the outside but truly had a heart of gold. You set the bar high.

Thank you Tyran for opening my eyes to the fact that married men do cheat...a lot! I know I was not the first nor the last but you made me really start to think about what it is I believe in when it came to marriage. You showed me what not to do and God showed me His purpose and view of marriage.

Thanks you Shawn for showing me how lost I was in the world and how desperate I was for God's love when I was waiting for you to fill that void. You showed me the ugly side of the enemy's perversion and how easy it is to buy into his broken promises. I allowed myself to do and say things that were so foreign to me, I literally lost who I was in you, just to have you near me. Thank you for understanding my need to leave it all behind.

Thank you Ryan for making me grow up and refuse to settle for less than I know I deserved, even before I knew it. Yeah the honeymoon phase was great but the red flags were there from the start. You showed me how to ignore the obvious, what low self esteem in men looked like, what a co-dependent relationship looked like, and how dysfunctional a relationship can get over time no matter how much we love each other. It was in all the chaos that I realized that route was not meant for me so I walked away, despite my heart wanting to stay. It was in that chaos, that God spoke to my heart and saved me from a path of destruction that would take me far from Him. It was in all that chaos that God ignited a passion for Him that man cannot match. God showed me what a man lead by God looks and acts like. God downloaded His perfect match into my heart and mind, and you do not fit that list. You taught me that change does happen, but we sometimes have to hit rock bottom before we allow God to scoop us up and dust us off. Thanks for allowing me to hit rock bottom.

I like my short hair and that I live in the safety of the suburbs with my nice lawns and good schools. I love my church and I love that I can dress up when I want but don't feel like I have to dress up for attention. I love that I love me cause God showed me how to love me. He loves me past sexual immorality, the desperation, the brokenness, the loneliness, the sin and the shame. He still shines me up from time to time cause I still fall in the dirt, but I'm OK with letting Him have my dirt. He makes everything glorious, even me. Even you. The world is going to tell me everyday that I am not good enough or pretty enough to find a mate or to even function in this world. Good thing I have a Father who likes to shield me from the lies and loves on me constantly. He makes sure I know that I am loved and that I do not have to search for it, it's already mine. My worth is not measured by the world's standards, but in the eyes of my Father who loves me to pieces, dirty and all.

Ladies, thank your exes, and allow God to love you like crazy. He spared you from some train wreck relationships and marriages that He never intended for you to be caught in anyway. He's putting the finishing touches on the one He wants for you and still shining you up in the meantime.



http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-thanks-for-everything-ex-boyfriends/

Such A Time As This

I can't remember the exact season that I was in, but at some point in my life, I lost my passion for writing. I could remember a time when books and writing were the absolute most exciting and positive thing in my life as a child. I had imaginary stories and characters that were my escape from my everyday routine. I loved it.

Then life happened. Puberty hit. Boys started to take notice of me. I started to take notice of them. Writing became less important. Only something I did for assignments. The passion was slowly fading away. Then high school hit, peer pressure, the need for acceptance, the need to feel loved, the need to feel anything. My passion for creative writing had died. Home life wasn't great, so I used my friends as an escape. When they didn't fill that void, I found my escape in the boys that told me I was pretty. I traded my passion and desire for writing, for just passion and desire. Bad choice.

Fast forward a decade and some change and about 100 million bad mistakes, and now I am on the other side of the fence. After 2 kids and years of searching for someone to fill that void, I found the light at the end of that dark and lonely tunnel. I found my Father...well more like I stopped running from Him and let Him catch me. We have a simple pact: Give Him all of my junk and He will love me like crazy. I don't have to go out of my way to please Him and He loves me past the hurt and dirt I brought with me.

My journey for righteousness started in July 2009 when God spoke to me for the very first time, in my drive way when I was straight raising hell with someone, but that's for another post. I came to Victory in mid August of 2009 and never left. I mean literally never left. I hit the ground running absorbing everything He had to offer as well as everything Victory had to offer. I was thirsty, anxious to change my life and change the world.

But He said "wait." Yeah, I didn't get that either. He wanted to teach me how to trust Him and allow Him to guide my steps. Not an easy feat for someone who is used to be in control. So I stepped back from the driver's side of my life, allowed God to work on mending my heart and I waited. Just wasn't sure what for.

Then it happened. God wanted me to write a letter to Aiden's dad. Took me 2 days to figure out what to say that didn't involve attitude. But by the time the pen hit the paper, I had written a 2 page letter with words that I swear to this day I didn't write. Kinda like the Holy Spirit took over and replace my anger with words of calm, focus, control and sincerity. I gave him the letter in obedience and never heard a word about it.

Then it happened again. God had me sharing scriptures on peace, faith, wisdom, His love,and forgiveness with Aiden's dad. I found articles and devotionals to send to him. It was working cause God was getting through to him.

Then it happened again! I prayed for boldness to spread God's love to people around me that needed it. God said "write letters." I wrote out 5 heartfelt letters of God's love and devotion to friends I knew needed that bit of encouragement. God said "now write one to Aiden's dad." I said no. God convicted my heart by showing me a vision of Aiden's dad crying in his car. My heart broke and after a week of stalling, I allowed the Holy Spirit to order my words to write the letter. I felt freedom when I delivered that letter though we never spoke about it.

Fast forward a couple of months to just 2 days ago and it finally hit me. God was preparing me for such a time as this. He ignited a spark in me to recognize my gift...writing. My Father said wait and trust Him and in my obedience, He promised to release blessings and great power to me. He wants me to touch hearts and change the world with words. He wants me to be bold and speak of His loves to those that need it and will receive it and to those that need it and won't receive it.

Such a time as this. Jake Hamilton's song The Anthem spoke to my heart during worship this afternoon. God prepared me to re-ignite that passion, my gift that had been there all along. He prepared me to be obedient and still speak of His love, His promise, His truth, His heartbreak, even for those that might not receive it. For such a time as this. People can turn a blind eye to what's going around them, but words tend to pierce hearts a bit better. You have to process words into sentences and paint that picture in your head. That's God planting a seed. God wants me to help plant seeds even if I never see the plants grow. And I'm alright with that because He still gets the praise and glory.

You Make Everything Glorious

I took the title of this post from a David Crowder Band song I heard on the way home. I am sure I have heard it a few times but today it just seemed to speak right to me. The words were a bit more clear as if I was meant to hear them. God is funny like that sometimes. I don't think I was in a state where I needed that bit of reassurance. Or maybe I was now that I think about it. I have been thinking of somethings lately. Ok, God, you win. Thanks for the unexpected bit of comfort. You rock.

The lyrics stood out more than everything.

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am yours
What does that make me?

God makes everything glorious...even us. We are made in His image so if He is already glorious, we get His glory and righteousness by default. We belong to the living Savior and it is by His grace that we have been saved and made whole again. He loves us, He delights in us, He wants to shower us with the one true and perfect love.

So why doesn't everyone get this? Why don't we all let God's love dwell in our hearts and minds and not be consumed by the desires of the flesh? Why don't we simply accept His free, no strings attached love instead of giving away every bit of ourselves to carnal desires, only to be left broken. Why don't we all know that we are already glorious?

The world shows us that we must seek love and acceptance. We must date around, have sex, run a muck and live life to the fullest to find true happiness. We must lose ourselves in relationships, submit to the desires of our heart in order to feel love. We have to have someone complete us. Women have to flirt and dress sexy to get the attention of men. Men have to treat women like objects instead of precious rubies. We have to put on our best face and sometimes ignore obvious red flags for the sake of having someone in our lives. We have to give into our own desires or the desires of others in order to prove our love. And if it doesn't work out, we break up, nurse our wounds for a while until the next one comes along. Notice I said nurse our wounds cause rarely do we let those wounds heal before we rip the band aid off and let someone else get subjected to our infections.

Gross I know, but how true does it all sound? Been there, done that.

Sometimes it's hard to break habits that we have grown accustomed to. Trust me, I was that girl that dressed sexy and gave myself away to men in the hopes that they would give me love back. If that's you, I can save you the wasted time and heartache. I know how the story ends and trust me, it isn't good. Man, was that a hard lesson learned. But, I did learn and am thankful for knowing my worth to God.

The world we live in does an awesome job of helping us buy into the enemy's lie that sexual immorality, idolatry, greed and a host of other sins are the key to happiness. Sex sells. Sex is in the music we listen to, the televisions shows and movies we watch, the books we read. Everywhere. Romantic comedies have women swooning over happily ever after, unrealistic expectations of men that usually leave women disappointed when things don't end up like the movies. It life were like the Notebook, there would be far more happy couples in the world.

But God makes everything glorious. Even me. Even you. To Him, your past does not matter. He just wants your heart. No strings attached. No putting on your best face to impress Him. He wants you just the way you are, even if you are a bit broken and bruised. No wondering if He likes you. Trust me, He loves every bit of you. No pressure, no awkward "where is this going" conversation. He wants to shower you with treasures and blessings beyond your imagination and with a love that transcends all understanding. That sounds sweeter than any romance movie I've seen.

And all He wants is your heart. Cause you are already glorious. You are already His beloved.