Saturday, March 5, 2011

In God We Trust...

Last night, I had one of those  moments that required a little spiritual intervention. I went to the movies with my friend to see The Adjustment Bureau. It was a great movie with lots of spiritual undertone which I liked. It was also a love story which was cool too. Until the movie was over. Since my friend Diana and I went to the theater at Atlantic Station, I had every desire to have dinner at Strip because I wanted sushi. I knew Diana had to go babysit after the movie so I asked another friend if she could join me. She had baby duty but invited me over later. I figured if Diana and I weren't going to have dinner at Strip, I was gonna have Chinese take out with Quiana. I was kid free and really didn't want the evening to be wasted.

But God, in His marvelous design had other plans. Diana couldn't have dinner, Quiana was no longer available and I even called a plan C friend who also wasn't available. It was 10:00 PM and I was to about to head home alone, after watching Matt Damon and Emily Blunt defy the odds and walk off into the sun set. I hadn't felt that twinge of loneliness in quiet some time. Guess I have been too busy to notice. More like intentionally busy so I don't have to notice. Moment of transparency.

As I was riding home, I decided to have a honest heart to heart with God about the current condition of my heart. At some point in my rambling, I started to say "God I trust You to know what's best for me and to have a plan for me." I knew in my heart that if I said those words, they wouldn't be completely true. My beloved Beth Moore said in her Esther bible study that "we trust God as long as He is doing what we say." He was being a tad silent in the relationship department so He wasn't exactly doing what I said. So I wasn't really trust Him to deliver in His promise. As my tongue was working with my thoughts to say the partly untrue statement, all I could manage to get out was "God, I trust." Period. God, I trust. I must have said those 3 words 100 times, trying to finish my original, partly false statement. But, I couldn't. I mean I physically could not say anything but "God, I trust." And I felt okay. I felt like I needed to just trust. Trust with no conditions, no finite parameters, just trust Him with all my heart and know that He keeps His word.

He isn't concerned so much with my impatience but does hate when I feel lonely, cause He wants to be the one I turn to for comfort. He is jealous for me and desires to just have me trust that He alone is enough. And He is. Even when I don't want to, He's right there waiting, probably tapping His foot,
but waiting nonetheless for me to come to Him, tears and all, so He can fill the empty spaces I try to fill with people and activites. He knows me so well that He won't even let me utter a lie to Him. He just wants me to trust. Period.

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