Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Ready or Not?

My friend Diana dropped the bomb on me last night. I love her because she isn't afraid to call me out of my foolishness and she asks the questions that need to be asked. She does it all in love but doesn't sugar coat. As we were discussing the guy I have "noticed" she asked a very important question that I had not even thought about in all these months.

"Are you really ready for your heart's desire?"

I was silent. I seriously had no words and no train of thought to attempt to answer that questions. She had me. I had to admit to myself that I didnt think I was ready. In fact, the idea slightly terrified me.

I seriously think God has me in a season of preparation. For what, I am not totally certain but I would like to think its somewhere in the relationship realm. He has taken me through seasons of trust, transparency and now preparation. He is putting me in positions that stretch and challenge me. He is placing people around me that encourage me and model how a life that edifies God looks like. I have great teachers and leaders around me that are helping me grow and learn more about myself.

But am I ready?

I pray often for my husband. Strange I know considering I am single. I figured if God has a specific person for me in mind already, why not start praying for him? I have no idea who he is but I thank God for him, I pray for his health, his relationship with God, favor in his career, school, whatever he is doing. Why wait until I get married or even when we start dating/courting to pray for him? Anyway, I pray for my husband but when Diana asked me if I am even ready to receive the desires of my heart, it made me really think. Am I ready to be someone's girlfriend let alone wife? Yeah, the desire is there but is my life in order? Chew on that for minute.

I realize I have very limited time. I think Tuesdays and the weekends are probably the only nights that I don't already have something scheduled and usually the weekends are jam packed with errands, time with the boys, birthday parties, BBQ, movie or dinner dates, seminars, Bible study, impromptu gatherings with friends, etc. Where would a boyfriend fit? In all this chaos of days that bleed into each other, where does God fit in all of this. I realize that I don't always pencil in time for God so I certainly shouldn't rearrange my schedule to fit a guy.

Am I prepared for my heart's desire? I am working on getting my finances in order, I have dealt with bruises and hurts from my past and can honestly say they are no longer strong holds in my life. I have wonderful examples of Godly courtships and marriages that I can go to for advice so I am not just flying by the seat of my pants. I have a heart of a servant and understand the role of a submitted help mate in relation to my husband. God has shown me the importance of forgiveness and respect, two big areas I struggled with. I understand the need for courting with a purpose and a vision and not just dating to pass the time. I am an advocate for purity, not just abstaining from sex. I know the direction God wants me to go and it seriously ignites my heart with passion when I think about it.

Am I prepared for my heart's desire? I think I am. I think approaching relationships with a new attitude and outlook on life is a bit scary because I am used to operating totally with my flesh. I do believe that is where my fear stems. I am in a position where I have taken the time to get to know a person before I started to get butterflies and I don't recall that ever happening in before. Usually I am so overtaken with the physical aspect that getting to know them was something that I just hoped would come later, even though it didn't always happen that way. I am treading in foreign territory but its okay. This in itself is preparation. Even if this guy and I never make it past the friend stage, I have learned to guard my heart. I have realized that I can like someone without being consumed with sexual thoughts and desires. I have learned to pray for wisdom and discernment and I refuse to compromise on what I feel is right. I have learned to set boundaries and respect boundaries that he has in place. I am learning patience, no connection before commitment, and still keeping God and His business at the fore front.

Am I prepared for my heart's desire. Yeah.

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