I must say that I am truly blessed with some amazing friends and an AMAZING God who divinely orchestrates my life. My mind is still reeling a bit from the way God has moved over the last few days. He never ceases to amazing me and no matter how many times He shows Himself faithful and loving, it has me in awe like its our first encounter.
Last week, I came face to face with my financial situation (working to pay off debt...slow process) and I was feeling a bit discouraged. Being a single mom makes you very aware of the amount of pennies you having coming in and out and how sometimes there is a huge gap in between. I worry about money (I know God does not give me a spirit of fear, but I am working on that) quite often and several facets of my life and future hinge on money. School is on hold right now because I am questioning whether or not counseling is the most viable career option since the pay stinks even though its something I love to do. Missions is something I want to do more of but again, money is always my biggest concern. I could go on and on.
However, God kinda checked me a few weeks ago and reminded me that money should not be the root of my decision making. He is the ultimate provider and no matter how much or how little money I make, my family will always be taken care of. He has the tendency to do some amazing supernatural stuff so I don't know why I sometimes doubt Him. So here I was last week, staring at my future on a piece of paper and I decide enough was enough. No more worry, no more stress, just a complete surrender to God to let Him take over and guide me.
A couple of days later, I got a semi hysterical call from a close friend who had just had the greatest epiphany from God that changed her life completely. She finally realized that her high powered six figure salary meant nothing if she was missing out on her family and actually doing God's will. She planned to quit her job soon and pursue what makes her happy. She was experiencing the total freedom that comes when you obey God. Just a few minutes later, I got a call from another friend that is barely making ends meet and its stressing her to no end. Because I was in a place of complete surrender to God about my own money woes, I allowed the Holy Spirit to speak through me calmly and confidently about God's view on money, His desire to provide and the first steps she needs to take to get back on track. Yeah, I was shocked at myself. After I took some time to process both phone calls, I realized God was giving me a view of life from two different prospectives. He showed me the freedom and joy my life can have when I surrender my worries to Him just like my first friend did. He also showed me the bondage that I would remain in if I decided to continue to try to figure life out on my own and not allow Him to help like my other friend is.
I would much rather have my freedom and joy in a beautiful and humble surrender to Him.
In that one morning, I was finally at a place where I was not worried about money. Worrying wont solve my problem so why waste the energy. I am sure God was standing over me saying "Finally! I thought you would never catch on." Amazing things happen when you surrender your worries to God. He starts to move in your life in crazy ways. Usually the problems we have stem from us being in the way of what God wants to do in our lives. A friend had to remind me that I am standing in the way of God doing some amazing things because I am still trying to figure out how I am going to make things work out. But like the Bible says, God makes all things work together for the good of those who believe in Him. Once, I decided to fully surrender, it wasn't even a full week that went by when I was presented with the most radical blessing. It's kinda still blowing my mind but I know it is absolutely God ordained. I won't go into details but God has used my friends to show me that when you surrender your burdens to Him, He will definitely make things work together for the good of those who believe in Him.
A beautiful and worthy surrender indeed.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Monday, August 15, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
A Covenant In The Making
I spent a few hours with my lovely friend and spiritual sister, Jillian, tonight. She is preparing for wedding next month and I couldn't be more happy for her. I remember meeting her for the first time at La Madeline at our first small group meeting of 2010. Though kinda shy and reserved in the beginning, our random trip to crash the youth ministry's spring break conference sealed our friendship thanks to a little baptism of the Holy Spirit. We have shared stories, trials, triumphs and wisdom along the way. My heart just smiles at the thought that she will be united in a God anointed covenant marriage with God's absolute best for her.
The anticipation of the pending marriages of couples that honored God through out their relationships are so much more intense and spiritually driven. The atmosphere is different and the expectations for God to move during that time is so much greater. For couples that did not honor God in their relationship by having sex outside of marriage or not submitting to His will usually have a ceremony that is centered around them. For couples that remained pure, sought wise counsel, entered into a godly courtship, had accountability, and allowed God to be in the center of it have a ceremony that gives God honor and glory. The day is not about celebrating the couple so much as it is about celebrating the amazing goodness of God.
In our conversation tonight, I remembered running across a blog entry from my FAVORITE photographer Ross Oscar Knight about this awesome Christian couple that he photographed for their engagement and wedding. Robert and Tia have a beautiful story about wedding preparation and just the magnificent blessing that is released to others when they witness what a covenant marriage looks like (I don't want to ruin it so just read for yourself). Jillian was thrilled to hear about all that happened because of Robert and Tia's faith in God and wanted to do something similar. After running it by her fiancee' Keith (who called while I was there to pray with her over the phone like they do every night...love that), he was on board.
God is such a God of order. I love how He puts things together in such an intricate and precise way, it blows my mind. Ross and his wife Brandi are Christians and he unashamedly attributes everything that he is to his faith in God. I discovered his work some years ago when a proposal he photographed went viral and I was emailed the link. I have been a fan since then. Last year, he hosted a contest for a free engagement photo shoot to a deserving engagement couple and I nominated my friends Elsy and Alvaro. Low and behold, Elsy and Alvaro were picked and had a great session. This is by far my favorite picture of them:
This time around, a random blog from Ross's site I remembered seeing almost a year ago, has inspired my Jillian as well. I am excited to be apart of the planning and execution of this part of the preparation because I had been wondering what it was that could do to bless my amazing friends. God works everything out according to His will and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The anticipation of the pending marriages of couples that honored God through out their relationships are so much more intense and spiritually driven. The atmosphere is different and the expectations for God to move during that time is so much greater. For couples that did not honor God in their relationship by having sex outside of marriage or not submitting to His will usually have a ceremony that is centered around them. For couples that remained pure, sought wise counsel, entered into a godly courtship, had accountability, and allowed God to be in the center of it have a ceremony that gives God honor and glory. The day is not about celebrating the couple so much as it is about celebrating the amazing goodness of God.
In our conversation tonight, I remembered running across a blog entry from my FAVORITE photographer Ross Oscar Knight about this awesome Christian couple that he photographed for their engagement and wedding. Robert and Tia have a beautiful story about wedding preparation and just the magnificent blessing that is released to others when they witness what a covenant marriage looks like (I don't want to ruin it so just read for yourself). Jillian was thrilled to hear about all that happened because of Robert and Tia's faith in God and wanted to do something similar. After running it by her fiancee' Keith (who called while I was there to pray with her over the phone like they do every night...love that), he was on board.
God is such a God of order. I love how He puts things together in such an intricate and precise way, it blows my mind. Ross and his wife Brandi are Christians and he unashamedly attributes everything that he is to his faith in God. I discovered his work some years ago when a proposal he photographed went viral and I was emailed the link. I have been a fan since then. Last year, he hosted a contest for a free engagement photo shoot to a deserving engagement couple and I nominated my friends Elsy and Alvaro. Low and behold, Elsy and Alvaro were picked and had a great session. This is by far my favorite picture of them:
This time around, a random blog from Ross's site I remembered seeing almost a year ago, has inspired my Jillian as well. I am excited to be apart of the planning and execution of this part of the preparation because I had been wondering what it was that could do to bless my amazing friends. God works everything out according to His will and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
If God Is Really God, Then Live For Him Like He Is Really God
I started reading Craig Groeschel's book The Christian Atheist the other day. It's been on my reading wish list for a while now and thanks to an amazing Kindle ebook special, I got that book and Weird for $2.99 each. I can always tell a book is right on time for me if its a struggle for me to get through it due to a little bit of conviction and down right honesty with myself. The Christian Atheist is messing me up for real. Best $2.99 I've spent in a long time.
I believe in God. I do the church thing. I serve. I mentor women. I lead a small group. I do missions trips. I pray for coworkers who threaten to kill themselves. I fast. I spend hours in the Furnace in prayer. I lead outreaches in the community. I blog about all the amazing things I have experienced and have been delivered from thanks to God's saving grace. I don't have sex. I feed the homeless. I stand up for victims of human trafficking. I worship with the best of them. I teach my kids to love God. I teach Aiden to pray for Jesus to heal his eczema and asthma. I teach Gavin to be a leader worth following. I am the ideal Christian.
Despite all my works, my testimony, hearing God's voice with my own ears, I don't always trust God. I don't always believe Him or believe in Him. I trust Him in my head but sometimes trusting Him in my heart doesn't happen. I doubt what He says He will do. I doubt that if I leave my job like He has told me to, He will truly be my provider and take care of me and my boys. I doubt that He will supernaturally open doors and provide favor for me. I doubt that He hears all of my prayers. I doubt that He really wants me to write books. I doubt that He will make a way for me to have a ministry that allows me to be aid in "setting the captives free."
I am a Christian Atheist. Commence throwing stones.
Even in my moments of doubt and skepticism, I still know that God is not threatened by my unbelief. He is still God even when I am shaky. He is still God even when I don't feel courageous. He is still God when I am riddled with fear. He is still God even when I don't trust Him. He is still God because even in all my chaos, He still speaks to me. He still chases after me. He still gives nudges me to remind me that He has more blessings than I can even imagine waiting for me to receive. He is still God because He is never changing.
"If God is really God, then live like He is really God." That was the challenge that Pastor Johnson gave. Even in my Christian atheism, I know that God is really God. It's time I start living like He is really God. Time to search my life and expose areas where I have compromised, where I have grown lukewarm, where I have doubt & fear. Time to live like God is really God everyday, not just in a time of crisis.
If God is really God, then live like He is really God. Period.
I believe in God. I do the church thing. I serve. I mentor women. I lead a small group. I do missions trips. I pray for coworkers who threaten to kill themselves. I fast. I spend hours in the Furnace in prayer. I lead outreaches in the community. I blog about all the amazing things I have experienced and have been delivered from thanks to God's saving grace. I don't have sex. I feed the homeless. I stand up for victims of human trafficking. I worship with the best of them. I teach my kids to love God. I teach Aiden to pray for Jesus to heal his eczema and asthma. I teach Gavin to be a leader worth following. I am the ideal Christian.
Despite all my works, my testimony, hearing God's voice with my own ears, I don't always trust God. I don't always believe Him or believe in Him. I trust Him in my head but sometimes trusting Him in my heart doesn't happen. I doubt what He says He will do. I doubt that if I leave my job like He has told me to, He will truly be my provider and take care of me and my boys. I doubt that He will supernaturally open doors and provide favor for me. I doubt that He hears all of my prayers. I doubt that He really wants me to write books. I doubt that He will make a way for me to have a ministry that allows me to be aid in "setting the captives free."
I am a Christian Atheist. Commence throwing stones.
Even in my moments of doubt and skepticism, I still know that God is not threatened by my unbelief. He is still God even when I am shaky. He is still God even when I don't feel courageous. He is still God when I am riddled with fear. He is still God even when I don't trust Him. He is still God because even in all my chaos, He still speaks to me. He still chases after me. He still gives nudges me to remind me that He has more blessings than I can even imagine waiting for me to receive. He is still God because He is never changing.
"If God is really God, then live like He is really God." That was the challenge that Pastor Johnson gave. Even in my Christian atheism, I know that God is really God. It's time I start living like He is really God. Time to search my life and expose areas where I have compromised, where I have grown lukewarm, where I have doubt & fear. Time to live like God is really God everyday, not just in a time of crisis.
If God is really God, then live like He is really God. Period.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
God Sized Dreams
God has an amazing way of using our weakness to empower us. Just like 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This past Wednesday at Fusion, Pastor J talked about going to God with huge God size prayers. Prayers, visions and desire that will seriously take a move of God to accomplish. Desires that if God didn't come through, they would not happen. He inspired us by telling us a story about a vision he got late last year. God told him to give away $10,000. Only problem was, he didn't have $10,000 to give away and it would be close to impossible to save up that money any time soon. He and his wife prayed and diligently sought God, knowing that if He didn't make a miracle happen, that $10,000 wasn't going to happen. Some weeks later, they received a check in the mail from his wife's former job. It was stock that they had purchased about 6 years earlier that they had forgotten about. The amount of the check: $10,000.
God sized desire with God sized faith.
I sometimes feel like I am the most ill equipped person to certain things, even when I know I am more than capable of doing them. Yeah, that's me getting in my own way, not always wanting the spot light on me because of the potential for criticism if it's not done in excellence. I know where my strengths lie and I also know where my many weaknesses lie. I can recall a few times where I called on God to do what I thought was impossible. Something that would seriously take a move of God to do. Jumbo sized faith for it to come to pass. And it did. Every time.
So why don't I have those God sized prayers on a regular basis? Why do I put limits on what He can do when nothing is impossible for God? Why am I not have those soul stirring, pulling at the hem of His garment, totally faith dreams and visions for the Kingdom?
I am learning to take the cap off the jar I try to put God's power in so that it makes sense in my own mind. He works in the supernatural and can do things that will leave my brain like mush if I try to rationalize it. He wants us to dream big so that He can show us how infinite He is. He wants us to have jumbo sized desires so that He can get the glory in the end. We need big dreamers for the Kingdom of God because the world we live in needs to see something radical before they realize that He is real.
Time to think outside the box. Time to get out of our own way. Time to knock the dust off those dreams and visions we once thought were impossible. We need to cry out in faith for God to come through and pull off the impossible. I am sure God is anxious to show Himself to us. We just need to ask for it in total faith.
We need to fan the flames of desire for an encounter with Him. We need to be passionate about things of God and His Kingdom. We need our souls stirred up, our faith reaffirmed, our hearts set ablaze so that we can strive for the impossible for us and the possible for Him.
"Set a fire down in my soul that I can't contain and I can't control. I want more of you God. I want more of you God."
God sized desire with God sized faith.
I sometimes feel like I am the most ill equipped person to certain things, even when I know I am more than capable of doing them. Yeah, that's me getting in my own way, not always wanting the spot light on me because of the potential for criticism if it's not done in excellence. I know where my strengths lie and I also know where my many weaknesses lie. I can recall a few times where I called on God to do what I thought was impossible. Something that would seriously take a move of God to do. Jumbo sized faith for it to come to pass. And it did. Every time.
So why don't I have those God sized prayers on a regular basis? Why do I put limits on what He can do when nothing is impossible for God? Why am I not have those soul stirring, pulling at the hem of His garment, totally faith dreams and visions for the Kingdom?
I am learning to take the cap off the jar I try to put God's power in so that it makes sense in my own mind. He works in the supernatural and can do things that will leave my brain like mush if I try to rationalize it. He wants us to dream big so that He can show us how infinite He is. He wants us to have jumbo sized desires so that He can get the glory in the end. We need big dreamers for the Kingdom of God because the world we live in needs to see something radical before they realize that He is real.
Time to think outside the box. Time to get out of our own way. Time to knock the dust off those dreams and visions we once thought were impossible. We need to cry out in faith for God to come through and pull off the impossible. I am sure God is anxious to show Himself to us. We just need to ask for it in total faith.
We need to fan the flames of desire for an encounter with Him. We need to be passionate about things of God and His Kingdom. We need our souls stirred up, our faith reaffirmed, our hearts set ablaze so that we can strive for the impossible for us and the possible for Him.
"Set a fire down in my soul that I can't contain and I can't control. I want more of you God. I want more of you God."
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
God's Love Letter To Women
When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breath life into his nostrils. But you woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.
Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you, I modeled you, I created you perfectly and beautifully.
Your characteristics are as the rib: strong, yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The ribcage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.
Support man as the ribcage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken for his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand by him and to be held close to his side.
You are My perfect angel… you are My beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and My eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes… don’t change them. Your lips, how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form. Your hands, so gentle to touch. I have caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I have held your heart close to Mine. Of all that lives and breaths, you are most like Me. Adam walked with Me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see Me or touch Me.
He could only feel Me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me, I fashioned in you; My holiness, My strength, My purity, My love, My protection, and support. You are special because you are an extension of Me. Man represent My image, woman My emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.
So man, treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt Me. What you do to her, you do to Me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart; the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness, show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.
Jesus Loves You
I can't take credit for these words. I found it on a blog by Joshua De Gracia from Grace Bible Church in Hawaii (my sister's church!). He is the founder of Know God Know Love. Though Joshua may not be the original author, I wanted to give him some credit since I got it from his site. Enjoy and spread to the world.
Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you, I modeled you, I created you perfectly and beautifully.
Your characteristics are as the rib: strong, yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The ribcage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.
Support man as the ribcage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken for his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand by him and to be held close to his side.
You are My perfect angel… you are My beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and My eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes… don’t change them. Your lips, how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form. Your hands, so gentle to touch. I have caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I have held your heart close to Mine. Of all that lives and breaths, you are most like Me. Adam walked with Me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see Me or touch Me.
He could only feel Me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me, I fashioned in you; My holiness, My strength, My purity, My love, My protection, and support. You are special because you are an extension of Me. Man represent My image, woman My emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.
So man, treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt Me. What you do to her, you do to Me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart; the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness, show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.
Jesus Loves You
I can't take credit for these words. I found it on a blog by Joshua De Gracia from Grace Bible Church in Hawaii (my sister's church!). He is the founder of Know God Know Love. Though Joshua may not be the original author, I wanted to give him some credit since I got it from his site. Enjoy and spread to the world.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Heart of My Father
Today has just been a day of emotions and confusion. I hate days like this because I feel like I am spending most of my time in my head and not really accomplishing anything. This is one of those days where I just kinda check out and rest so that I can get back into the fight. So many issues, feelings, and thoughts weighing on my mind that I am actually losing sleep. I have been losing the good fight with insomnia for a few weeks now and I think its finally taken its toll. You would think that I would just pray for a break through and release all these problems on God but this is one of those days where I am making the mistake of trying to deal with things on my own. I have to ask myself "How's that working for you?" knowing the answer would be "not so good."
Though I can't really muster up the energy or the faith to pray tonight, I know that God is listening to the rumbling in my heart and mind. As I sit here on my bedroom floor reflecting on my day and contemplating the content of my quarterly letter to Jesus I am about to write, I am listening to one of my favorite worship songs. The Anthem by Planet Shakers. As the music and lyrics soothe my ears and my heart, I can't help but embrace the tears that are falling. I am feeling rather emotional and girly right now. This is a night that I need the love and reassurance of my Heavenly Father. Sometimes it takes a worship song to pierce through all the doubt, fear, anxiety, and pride that keeps me from really hearing Him and being assured of things I already know.
Hallelujah. You have won the victory.
Hallelujah. You have won it all for me.
Death could not hold you down. You are the Risen King.
Seated in majesty. You are the Risen King.
Those words alone let me know that He hears me. He tells me that if He is the Risen King, then I am the beloved daughter of the Most High. I am the daughter of Royalty. I am His beloved, His fair one. I move His heart and He smiles at the thought of me. My name is etched in His hand in gold and He knows all the hairs on my head. He is the lover of my soul and the protector of my heart. He knitted me together in my mother's womb with love and care and He desires for me to live a life of blessing and abundance. He sacrificed His Son so that I may have the honor and pleasure of being in His presence at any moment of the day. He tells me that I can always trust Him, always depend on Him, always come to Him even in my darkest, most sinful hour. He has redeemed and cleansed me of my past and is preparing my heart and mind for a future that only He can orchestrate. He is the author of life and is penning a story so magnificent and so worthy of His beloved daughter that it brings joy to His heart. I am my Beloved's and He is mine.
He sees every little bit of effort I make for the Kingdom. He sees my heart for Him, no matter how small I think it is. He sees my passion for Him even when it is waning. He sees my desire to come to Him even in my shame. He knows my thought, He knows my heart, He knows my intention and it all makes Him happy. I have already captured His heart when I decided to die to my old ways, pick up my cross and follow Him. I've ravished His heart and He anticipates every little moment that I spend with Him. He sees me. He sees me when my faith is tested and He pulls at my heart so that I don't fall far from Him. He tells me that I move His heart just with my mere presence. I move His heart. I move the heart of the King, my Father. He sees every bit of the longing in my spirit to draw nearer to Him even when my flesh is weak. He sees the sacrifices that I make even when I don't think He notices. He is pleased and proud. He is never disappointed, angry, or sad. He tells me that I really do make Him happy. His love for me is indescribable and too beautiful for words.
Cory Asbury's worship song Do You Know The Way You Move Me brought me to tears tonight as well as The Anthem by Planet Shakers. Unfortunately, Cory's song isn't available online but luckily I found the only site that has a copy of it. It's amazing and a great reminder of the heart of our Father.
Thanks for tears tonight, my Father. I am learning to embrace them, even in your presence.
Though I can't really muster up the energy or the faith to pray tonight, I know that God is listening to the rumbling in my heart and mind. As I sit here on my bedroom floor reflecting on my day and contemplating the content of my quarterly letter to Jesus I am about to write, I am listening to one of my favorite worship songs. The Anthem by Planet Shakers. As the music and lyrics soothe my ears and my heart, I can't help but embrace the tears that are falling. I am feeling rather emotional and girly right now. This is a night that I need the love and reassurance of my Heavenly Father. Sometimes it takes a worship song to pierce through all the doubt, fear, anxiety, and pride that keeps me from really hearing Him and being assured of things I already know.
Hallelujah. You have won the victory.
Hallelujah. You have won it all for me.
Death could not hold you down. You are the Risen King.
Seated in majesty. You are the Risen King.
Those words alone let me know that He hears me. He tells me that if He is the Risen King, then I am the beloved daughter of the Most High. I am the daughter of Royalty. I am His beloved, His fair one. I move His heart and He smiles at the thought of me. My name is etched in His hand in gold and He knows all the hairs on my head. He is the lover of my soul and the protector of my heart. He knitted me together in my mother's womb with love and care and He desires for me to live a life of blessing and abundance. He sacrificed His Son so that I may have the honor and pleasure of being in His presence at any moment of the day. He tells me that I can always trust Him, always depend on Him, always come to Him even in my darkest, most sinful hour. He has redeemed and cleansed me of my past and is preparing my heart and mind for a future that only He can orchestrate. He is the author of life and is penning a story so magnificent and so worthy of His beloved daughter that it brings joy to His heart. I am my Beloved's and He is mine.
He sees every little bit of effort I make for the Kingdom. He sees my heart for Him, no matter how small I think it is. He sees my passion for Him even when it is waning. He sees my desire to come to Him even in my shame. He knows my thought, He knows my heart, He knows my intention and it all makes Him happy. I have already captured His heart when I decided to die to my old ways, pick up my cross and follow Him. I've ravished His heart and He anticipates every little moment that I spend with Him. He sees me. He sees me when my faith is tested and He pulls at my heart so that I don't fall far from Him. He tells me that I move His heart just with my mere presence. I move His heart. I move the heart of the King, my Father. He sees every bit of the longing in my spirit to draw nearer to Him even when my flesh is weak. He sees the sacrifices that I make even when I don't think He notices. He is pleased and proud. He is never disappointed, angry, or sad. He tells me that I really do make Him happy. His love for me is indescribable and too beautiful for words.
Cory Asbury's worship song Do You Know The Way You Move Me brought me to tears tonight as well as The Anthem by Planet Shakers. Unfortunately, Cory's song isn't available online but luckily I found the only site that has a copy of it. It's amazing and a great reminder of the heart of our Father.
Thanks for tears tonight, my Father. I am learning to embrace them, even in your presence.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Change of Heart
It is no secret that I desire to be married. In all honesty, I do believe God has placed me in a season of preparation to be a wife, but I am feeling a bit weird about it. Last year, God woke me up in the middle of the night with this one question, "What is a wife?" It's been almost a year since that question popped into my head. I think I have been shying away from answering that question because of the weight of seriousness I place on the role of a wife. Women get married every day but not every woman is prepared to be a wife. Once the glitz and the euphoria of the wedding day end, reality of the new role of wife set in. I never really think I am prepared for a new season that God places me in but He always knows what's best and is not afraid to challenge me. It might be time to start working on my "wife" assignment.
Some of the best wife preparation advice I have heard was from a married woman at church that I admire. She sympathized with some of us single gals in our desire to be paired with the one God has for us because not long ago, she was in our same situation. However, when she looked at the role of wife and the importance of marriage from God's perspective and compared it to her life at that time, she knew she wasn't prepared. When I look at my life today, I know I am not prepared to be a help mate.
But God is changing my heart. And in the most interesting and funny ways. I haven't been in a relationship in over a year and a half which is my longest bout of singleness ever. Totally my choice because I knew I needed to get guys out of my system for a season or two. It wasn't until recently that I actually started to notice guys again. I mean notice them in a sense that I would actually like to get to know them better when before I wouldn't even entertain the idea. I have become more and more transparent with my desire to be married and starting to really sit back and observe the inner workings of marriages from couples I admire. From Kat and Reggie, Dede and Avery and Quiana and Dexter, God has surrounded me with some fabulous examples of marriages that He is truly proud of. I have had the pleasure of seeing the rewards of couples that courted and honored God in the relationships before marriage and the benefits of it. I have even caught myself watching the cheesy wedding shows on WE and TLC. I have never envisioned having some over the top, budget busting show case for one day so those shows have never really appealed to me. But I am warming up to the idea that though the focus should be on the marriage, the celebration of the wedding day can be a big deal too and should be enjoyed by family and friends.
God definitely has a plan for our futures and He does hear the prayers that we whisper to Him. I have desired to be married and have made it known to Him so now is not the time to stick my head in the sand because of fear. I tend to get jaded at the idea of marriage because of so many unhappy and broken marriages that I have seen over the years. My parents were never married so growing up I never had an example of what a functional relationship let alone a marriage was supposed to look like. I sometimes feel like I am at a disadvantage because of that. But My Father is an amazing example of love, devotion, commitment, security, leadership, purpose and everything that a husband should possess. He is my blueprint and the husband that He has for me knows that as well. He desires for me to have His best and His best has already been chosen. We are both in our preparation seasons, allowing God to continue preparing our hearts and minds to meet each other. This will be an interesting season for sure.
Some of the best wife preparation advice I have heard was from a married woman at church that I admire. She sympathized with some of us single gals in our desire to be paired with the one God has for us because not long ago, she was in our same situation. However, when she looked at the role of wife and the importance of marriage from God's perspective and compared it to her life at that time, she knew she wasn't prepared. When I look at my life today, I know I am not prepared to be a help mate.
But God is changing my heart. And in the most interesting and funny ways. I haven't been in a relationship in over a year and a half which is my longest bout of singleness ever. Totally my choice because I knew I needed to get guys out of my system for a season or two. It wasn't until recently that I actually started to notice guys again. I mean notice them in a sense that I would actually like to get to know them better when before I wouldn't even entertain the idea. I have become more and more transparent with my desire to be married and starting to really sit back and observe the inner workings of marriages from couples I admire. From Kat and Reggie, Dede and Avery and Quiana and Dexter, God has surrounded me with some fabulous examples of marriages that He is truly proud of. I have had the pleasure of seeing the rewards of couples that courted and honored God in the relationships before marriage and the benefits of it. I have even caught myself watching the cheesy wedding shows on WE and TLC. I have never envisioned having some over the top, budget busting show case for one day so those shows have never really appealed to me. But I am warming up to the idea that though the focus should be on the marriage, the celebration of the wedding day can be a big deal too and should be enjoyed by family and friends.
God definitely has a plan for our futures and He does hear the prayers that we whisper to Him. I have desired to be married and have made it known to Him so now is not the time to stick my head in the sand because of fear. I tend to get jaded at the idea of marriage because of so many unhappy and broken marriages that I have seen over the years. My parents were never married so growing up I never had an example of what a functional relationship let alone a marriage was supposed to look like. I sometimes feel like I am at a disadvantage because of that. But My Father is an amazing example of love, devotion, commitment, security, leadership, purpose and everything that a husband should possess. He is my blueprint and the husband that He has for me knows that as well. He desires for me to have His best and His best has already been chosen. We are both in our preparation seasons, allowing God to continue preparing our hearts and minds to meet each other. This will be an interesting season for sure.
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