I am still having dreams about a certain someone. Yes. Still. It's to the point where I can almost expect to dream about him at least once a week or two. I am trying to keep a record of what happens in the dreams so at some point, maybe I can make sense of it all.
This latest dream took place sometime last week. It was weird because it included the guy I have "noticed" and my ex. In the dream, I was in the townhouse I lived in for a few years back in Mississippi. Some faceless friends, the guy I noticed (I will call him Jim) and I were hanging out watching movies. Whatever movie was playing ended and people got up to get more snacks and to put in a new movie. For some reason, I asked Jim if he wanted to stay and watch Citizen Kane. Totally random because I have never watched Citizen Kane myself. Jim eagerly agreed (as if he had been wanting me to ask him to stay longer) but left to run to the store.
Jim returned to find me in the up stairs bathroom freshening up my makeup (another odd thing because I don't wear makeup often). He was carrying a shower caddy like college kids use. In the caddy was a grey bottle with a pink label with black writing that said "Shampoo." There was another one maked conditioner and deodorant too. Weird I know. Jim kept looking at me for approval just to kinda like he needed me to tell him he did a good job. I turned my head and when I turned back around to look at him...
...I was on a park bench...staring at my ex wearing a navy blue suit. He looked like he was dressed for work, white shirt and tie and all even though that's not what he wears to work in real life. I kept staring at him trying to figure out why we were on the park bench in the middle of a park. His lips were moving and he was smiling like we were in the middle of an interesting conversation. I saw myself blinking and rubbing my eyes trying to take myself back to that upstairs bathroom with Jim.
It didn't work. It was me and the ex, laughing and talking like old times. I could even feel the warmth from the sun on my cheek. Weird.
I wish I could figure out what these weird series of dreams mean or why they keep happening. Seriously...
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Monday, May 9, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
God Sized Dreams
God has an amazing way of using our weakness to empower us. Just like 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This past Wednesday at Fusion, Pastor J talked about going to God with huge God size prayers. Prayers, visions and desire that will seriously take a move of God to accomplish. Desires that if God didn't come through, they would not happen. He inspired us by telling us a story about a vision he got late last year. God told him to give away $10,000. Only problem was, he didn't have $10,000 to give away and it would be close to impossible to save up that money any time soon. He and his wife prayed and diligently sought God, knowing that if He didn't make a miracle happen, that $10,000 wasn't going to happen. Some weeks later, they received a check in the mail from his wife's former job. It was stock that they had purchased about 6 years earlier that they had forgotten about. The amount of the check: $10,000.
God sized desire with God sized faith.
I sometimes feel like I am the most ill equipped person to certain things, even when I know I am more than capable of doing them. Yeah, that's me getting in my own way, not always wanting the spot light on me because of the potential for criticism if it's not done in excellence. I know where my strengths lie and I also know where my many weaknesses lie. I can recall a few times where I called on God to do what I thought was impossible. Something that would seriously take a move of God to do. Jumbo sized faith for it to come to pass. And it did. Every time.
So why don't I have those God sized prayers on a regular basis? Why do I put limits on what He can do when nothing is impossible for God? Why am I not have those soul stirring, pulling at the hem of His garment, totally faith dreams and visions for the Kingdom?
I am learning to take the cap off the jar I try to put God's power in so that it makes sense in my own mind. He works in the supernatural and can do things that will leave my brain like mush if I try to rationalize it. He wants us to dream big so that He can show us how infinite He is. He wants us to have jumbo sized desires so that He can get the glory in the end. We need big dreamers for the Kingdom of God because the world we live in needs to see something radical before they realize that He is real.
Time to think outside the box. Time to get out of our own way. Time to knock the dust off those dreams and visions we once thought were impossible. We need to cry out in faith for God to come through and pull off the impossible. I am sure God is anxious to show Himself to us. We just need to ask for it in total faith.
We need to fan the flames of desire for an encounter with Him. We need to be passionate about things of God and His Kingdom. We need our souls stirred up, our faith reaffirmed, our hearts set ablaze so that we can strive for the impossible for us and the possible for Him.
"Set a fire down in my soul that I can't contain and I can't control. I want more of you God. I want more of you God."
God sized desire with God sized faith.
I sometimes feel like I am the most ill equipped person to certain things, even when I know I am more than capable of doing them. Yeah, that's me getting in my own way, not always wanting the spot light on me because of the potential for criticism if it's not done in excellence. I know where my strengths lie and I also know where my many weaknesses lie. I can recall a few times where I called on God to do what I thought was impossible. Something that would seriously take a move of God to do. Jumbo sized faith for it to come to pass. And it did. Every time.
So why don't I have those God sized prayers on a regular basis? Why do I put limits on what He can do when nothing is impossible for God? Why am I not have those soul stirring, pulling at the hem of His garment, totally faith dreams and visions for the Kingdom?
I am learning to take the cap off the jar I try to put God's power in so that it makes sense in my own mind. He works in the supernatural and can do things that will leave my brain like mush if I try to rationalize it. He wants us to dream big so that He can show us how infinite He is. He wants us to have jumbo sized desires so that He can get the glory in the end. We need big dreamers for the Kingdom of God because the world we live in needs to see something radical before they realize that He is real.
Time to think outside the box. Time to get out of our own way. Time to knock the dust off those dreams and visions we once thought were impossible. We need to cry out in faith for God to come through and pull off the impossible. I am sure God is anxious to show Himself to us. We just need to ask for it in total faith.
We need to fan the flames of desire for an encounter with Him. We need to be passionate about things of God and His Kingdom. We need our souls stirred up, our faith reaffirmed, our hearts set ablaze so that we can strive for the impossible for us and the possible for Him.
"Set a fire down in my soul that I can't contain and I can't control. I want more of you God. I want more of you God."
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Dreaming Again...Geez
OK so now things are starting to get a little weird. I am not a dreamer. I mean I dream at night just like everyone else does and about 98 percent of the time, I forget what my dreams are about. But lately I have been having these reoccurring dreams about a certain blast from the past. I can say with all confidence that I don't sit around thinking about this person. I actually don't think much of them at all nowadays. I don't harbor any unresolved feelings nor do I pine away with the "what if" game. This chapter is closed.
Seriously.
Yet, Saturday night I dreamed about them again. This time, it was our wedding day. I saw myself in a simple white, flowly gown and my hair was longer and straight. I felt in love in the dream, yet apprehensive and nervous. As I walked to the wedding venue, I was disgusted by the condition or the building. It looked like a regular run down store front. I opened the rickety door and I was standing right at the altar, looking at 3 bridesmaids in the most hideous coral hued gowns and tacky decor all around. I turned and walked away.
Through out the rest of the dream, I found myself walking along a beach in my wedding dress, running into various faceless people that kept asking me why I walked away. My only excuse: I didn't like the colors or the decor. Never once did I think or feel like I was marrying the wrong person or making a huge mistake. I genuinely wanted to marry him and felt so bad for leaving him at the alter. I found myself frantically asking everyone had they seen my groom, fearful that I had made the biggest mistake all because of some minor issues.
But he found me. He found me.
I pulled up in a jeep on the beach. I don't recall ever seeing his face and his build was heavier than he is today but the name was the same. He hugged me. No anger, just relief. He found me. He promised that I could have any kind of wedding I wanted, as long as I didn't leave again. I was happy. I was in love. I was safe. He found me.
I have no clue what any of these dreams mean. Maybe they are some repressed feelings buried deep in my subconscious. Maybe they are just a subconscious manifestation of my desire to get married period, not specifically him. Who knows? I've prayed about it. No answer as of yet.
We shall see what happens next.
Seriously.
Yet, Saturday night I dreamed about them again. This time, it was our wedding day. I saw myself in a simple white, flowly gown and my hair was longer and straight. I felt in love in the dream, yet apprehensive and nervous. As I walked to the wedding venue, I was disgusted by the condition or the building. It looked like a regular run down store front. I opened the rickety door and I was standing right at the altar, looking at 3 bridesmaids in the most hideous coral hued gowns and tacky decor all around. I turned and walked away.
Through out the rest of the dream, I found myself walking along a beach in my wedding dress, running into various faceless people that kept asking me why I walked away. My only excuse: I didn't like the colors or the decor. Never once did I think or feel like I was marrying the wrong person or making a huge mistake. I genuinely wanted to marry him and felt so bad for leaving him at the alter. I found myself frantically asking everyone had they seen my groom, fearful that I had made the biggest mistake all because of some minor issues.
But he found me. He found me.
I pulled up in a jeep on the beach. I don't recall ever seeing his face and his build was heavier than he is today but the name was the same. He hugged me. No anger, just relief. He found me. He promised that I could have any kind of wedding I wanted, as long as I didn't leave again. I was happy. I was in love. I was safe. He found me.
I have no clue what any of these dreams mean. Maybe they are some repressed feelings buried deep in my subconscious. Maybe they are just a subconscious manifestation of my desire to get married period, not specifically him. Who knows? I've prayed about it. No answer as of yet.
We shall see what happens next.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Dreams, Signs and Wonder
I firmly believe that God gives everyone spiritual gifts. I am quite aware of the gifts that I do not believe I possess, a prophetic gift is one of them. I have friends like Jillian and Kemesha that are my go to people when it comes to dreaming and operating in the prophetic. But not me. Yet, for some reason, I have had the third dream in only what I can describe as a series of dreams that are leaving me scratching my head.
In these dreams, there is the same theme: a person from my past coming back to try to rekindle our relationship. The first dream was a proposal (I turned it down)and the second dream was him admitting that he still loved me (I didn't respond). In last night's dream, same admission of feelings and I changed the subject because I didn't know how to respond. At some point I asked about his significant other and his message was "that process to end things happens in 40 days and 40 nights." He repeated that 40 days and 40 nights line a second time. I asked about what they were going to do about their baby and his message was "I will have the baby for 100 days and she will have the baby for 100 days." In my dream, I was confused because that made absolutely no sense. None of it does.
I woke up feeling kinda frantic because I don't like not knowing what dreams mean. I particularly don't like dreaming about people I know God left in my past for a reason. I never try to super spiritualize anything but I am beginning to wonder if there is a meaning or message behind these dreams about this person. Are there any unresolved feelings I am not dealing with? Absolutely not and I think I can confidently say the same thing about the other person involved. Is God trying to give me a message of something to come in the future? I hope not because it whatever is supposed to happen plays out like these dreams, there is going to be some smoke in the city for real.
I looked up the meaning of the number 40 and its a symbol of testing, trials, closing in on victory or defeat. Prime examples would be the Israelites in the wilderness for 40 years (trials), Jesus fasting in the desert for 40 days and being tempted by Satan (testing), and of course the 40 days and 40 nights it rained causing the great flood (defeat for those that perished and victory because of the new covenant God made with Noah). The number 100 means full measure. Not necessarily God's complete measure but His full reward. It also mentioned God's election of grace. The scriptures Genesis 21:5 mentioned Abraham had Issac when he was 100 years old (grace). In Genesis 26:12 Issac planted crops and harvested 100 times more than what he had planted (full reward). Since the numbers 40 and 100 was mentioned twice, I looked up the number 200, which is a symbol for insufficiency. The number 80 is the number of salvation (8) times divine order (10).
At the end of the day, I have no clue whether this person saying the numbers was giving me a message, whether the numbers have anything to do with the content of the dream or if its all in my head. Either way, all I can do is pray about it and see if God is doing some supernatural stuff around me. This should be fun.
In these dreams, there is the same theme: a person from my past coming back to try to rekindle our relationship. The first dream was a proposal (I turned it down)and the second dream was him admitting that he still loved me (I didn't respond). In last night's dream, same admission of feelings and I changed the subject because I didn't know how to respond. At some point I asked about his significant other and his message was "that process to end things happens in 40 days and 40 nights." He repeated that 40 days and 40 nights line a second time. I asked about what they were going to do about their baby and his message was "I will have the baby for 100 days and she will have the baby for 100 days." In my dream, I was confused because that made absolutely no sense. None of it does.
I woke up feeling kinda frantic because I don't like not knowing what dreams mean. I particularly don't like dreaming about people I know God left in my past for a reason. I never try to super spiritualize anything but I am beginning to wonder if there is a meaning or message behind these dreams about this person. Are there any unresolved feelings I am not dealing with? Absolutely not and I think I can confidently say the same thing about the other person involved. Is God trying to give me a message of something to come in the future? I hope not because it whatever is supposed to happen plays out like these dreams, there is going to be some smoke in the city for real.
I looked up the meaning of the number 40 and its a symbol of testing, trials, closing in on victory or defeat. Prime examples would be the Israelites in the wilderness for 40 years (trials), Jesus fasting in the desert for 40 days and being tempted by Satan (testing), and of course the 40 days and 40 nights it rained causing the great flood (defeat for those that perished and victory because of the new covenant God made with Noah). The number 100 means full measure. Not necessarily God's complete measure but His full reward. It also mentioned God's election of grace. The scriptures Genesis 21:5 mentioned Abraham had Issac when he was 100 years old (grace). In Genesis 26:12 Issac planted crops and harvested 100 times more than what he had planted (full reward). Since the numbers 40 and 100 was mentioned twice, I looked up the number 200, which is a symbol for insufficiency. The number 80 is the number of salvation (8) times divine order (10).
At the end of the day, I have no clue whether this person saying the numbers was giving me a message, whether the numbers have anything to do with the content of the dream or if its all in my head. Either way, all I can do is pray about it and see if God is doing some supernatural stuff around me. This should be fun.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Dreaming Again
Last night, you invaded my dreams again. We had a very weird adventure riding elevators in a hotel. We stopped on the different floors and explored different rooms and secret hideaways. We ended up in a parking deck and you had a look on your face like you had something serious to tell me. You gave me a hug and whispered "Did you know that I still love you? I just wanted you to know that I still love you." I was stunned. I felt the shock in my dream. I didn't reply because I had no words for what was just said. Fast forward and I am face to face with someone who represents the wife because I have never met her. I had every intention of telling the wife what had transpired but for some reason, the words would not come out. I heard myself telling her what her husband had confessed to me but the words that came out of my mouth were a re-telling of the elevator adventures. I walked away feeling weird and confused. Not sure why you confessed those feelings of love to me. My feelings haven't change. God saved me from you. Best of luck with your decision.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Here's To Living The Life I've Always Dreamed Of
Today is January 1, 2011. Last night me and the boys stayed in and enjoyed tacos and a countdown from Dick Clark. Not a traditional New Years Eve but I didn't want to go through the trouble of going out and having the boys out late. They enjoyed it so no worries.
Like always, plenty of people sent their usual mass text messages but one in particular stood out to me. My friend Quiana sent a message that said "Here's to living the life we've always dreamed of!" I liked that motto because I had never really thought about what it would be like to live the life I had always dreamed of. For as long as I can remember I have just been living, but not living life abundantly. My life has always been a product of my circumstances but I've never done anything that I really wanted to do. I am used to adjusting my life to fit those around me, whether it be kids or friends or family or others in need. Part of me feels like in all these years, I have lost little bits and pieces of me.
So this year is special. This year is different. This year is about doing things I had always wanted to do but never found the time or resources to do them with. This is the year of me putting myself in a position to live the life I had always dreamed of.
I made a list in my prayer journal of what it would look like for me to live the life I always dreamed of. Here goes:
I will have a life filled with love. Love from friends, family, and the mate that God Himself selected for me
I will do international missions work
I will be debt free
I will have a thriving career counseling those in need
I will own a house
I will be bold and fearless
I will share the Gospel with everyone that will listen
I will touch lives, inspire and lead others
I will strengthen friendships and mend broken relationships
I will be healthy in my physical body and spiritual life
I will have family that follows, worships, and honors Christ in all things
This list is subject to change but this would be my idea of an ideal life. I know that God has an amazing way of changing my life's plans but I am pretty sure He knows the desires of my heart. He honors those that are faithful and honor Him and I try to do my best everyday.
Like always, plenty of people sent their usual mass text messages but one in particular stood out to me. My friend Quiana sent a message that said "Here's to living the life we've always dreamed of!" I liked that motto because I had never really thought about what it would be like to live the life I had always dreamed of. For as long as I can remember I have just been living, but not living life abundantly. My life has always been a product of my circumstances but I've never done anything that I really wanted to do. I am used to adjusting my life to fit those around me, whether it be kids or friends or family or others in need. Part of me feels like in all these years, I have lost little bits and pieces of me.
So this year is special. This year is different. This year is about doing things I had always wanted to do but never found the time or resources to do them with. This is the year of me putting myself in a position to live the life I had always dreamed of.
I made a list in my prayer journal of what it would look like for me to live the life I always dreamed of. Here goes:
I will have a life filled with love. Love from friends, family, and the mate that God Himself selected for me
I will do international missions work
I will be debt free
I will have a thriving career counseling those in need
I will own a house
I will be bold and fearless
I will share the Gospel with everyone that will listen
I will touch lives, inspire and lead others
I will strengthen friendships and mend broken relationships
I will be healthy in my physical body and spiritual life
I will have family that follows, worships, and honors Christ in all things
This list is subject to change but this would be my idea of an ideal life. I know that God has an amazing way of changing my life's plans but I am pretty sure He knows the desires of my heart. He honors those that are faithful and honor Him and I try to do my best everyday.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
My Father, the Dreamcatcher
Last night, I had a dream about you. In my dream, you came back to me after realizing that this is where you heart lay. You even gave me a ring. But that ring was used, second hand, dull, not sincere. And through out that whole dream, all I could think about were reasons why God didn't allow this union to happen in the first place. I actually felt doubt, uncertainty, unrest in my heart about you in that dream. Have never felt emotions in my dream, literally felt them like I was truly living these moments out in real life. God still speaks and moves, even in my dreams.
He is good...all the time.
I am a signs and wonders type of Christian. I believe in God, I know He is all powerful, still performing miracles and healing everyday. But sometimes God has to give me some confirmation before I recognize it is Him at work. I know most days, God is standing in Heaven, tapping His foot like "Really... you still need more proof that I am who I say I am? Get it together." But thankfully, God is patient and merciful and doesn't mind showing me for the millionth time that He's got me. Thanks Father...seriously.
I had been praying for God to reveal things to me in my dreams and as I go about my day. And of course, God being God, He obliges me. He gives me opportunities to witness to people, He gives me those "a ha" revelations at the strangest times, and He speaks in my dreams.
I have a tendency to wonder "what if" a lot and even worse, I "romanticize the past" as the charming Beth Moore calls it. I wonder "what if I handle this situation this way, even though I know its against your will for me?" Or "what if I seek out and pursue this guy I like, even though you've told me to wait?" Or I start to ponder the enemy's enchanting whispers that holding out for hope on someone God has saved me from, might make them come back.
Thankfully, my Father still has bigger plans for me and would rather keep tapping His foot in Heaven, than allow me to travel down the wrong path. It hit me on the drive home from hanging out with friends that God spoke comfort and peace into my heart in that dream. He understands I still struggle from time to time with really rationalizing the fact that I have let go and moved on, so He reminds me of the reasons why He spared me from making such a tragic mistake with that relationship. Being able to actually feel those feelings of doubt and unrest while dreaming was just a reminder of how I feel when I am awake and examine that relationship. Whenever I start down that "what if" path, God quickly reveals to me that He spared me from a relationship that was destined to be stressful, unhappy, complacent, and unfulfilled and totally unaligned with His idea of how a relationship and marriage is supposed to be.
Sometimes I wonder if my daydreaming is the cause of so many rocky relationships too. Well sort of. When my mind wanders about my current single status and the ever present desire to court and get married, God usually sends a broken relationship my way to examine. He reminds me with constant examples of what happens when people go outside His plan and do things their own way. It is revealed to me the consequences of couples that don't guard their hearts and adhere to sexual purity and allow sin to be center of their relationships, not Him. I am faced with adultery, broken trust, divorce, heartbreak, wasted year and unsatisfactory lives.
But my Father adores me. He thinks enough of me to spare me from that. He desires for me to be filled with blessings and happiness that He doesn't mind showing me the reality of what happens when I am impatient and decide to take matters into my own hands. Only a loving protecting father would go to such lengths to ensure that I inherit all the riches due to His beloved daughter. Doesn't get any better than that.
He is good...all the time.
I am a signs and wonders type of Christian. I believe in God, I know He is all powerful, still performing miracles and healing everyday. But sometimes God has to give me some confirmation before I recognize it is Him at work. I know most days, God is standing in Heaven, tapping His foot like "Really... you still need more proof that I am who I say I am? Get it together." But thankfully, God is patient and merciful and doesn't mind showing me for the millionth time that He's got me. Thanks Father...seriously.
I had been praying for God to reveal things to me in my dreams and as I go about my day. And of course, God being God, He obliges me. He gives me opportunities to witness to people, He gives me those "a ha" revelations at the strangest times, and He speaks in my dreams.
I have a tendency to wonder "what if" a lot and even worse, I "romanticize the past" as the charming Beth Moore calls it. I wonder "what if I handle this situation this way, even though I know its against your will for me?" Or "what if I seek out and pursue this guy I like, even though you've told me to wait?" Or I start to ponder the enemy's enchanting whispers that holding out for hope on someone God has saved me from, might make them come back.
Thankfully, my Father still has bigger plans for me and would rather keep tapping His foot in Heaven, than allow me to travel down the wrong path. It hit me on the drive home from hanging out with friends that God spoke comfort and peace into my heart in that dream. He understands I still struggle from time to time with really rationalizing the fact that I have let go and moved on, so He reminds me of the reasons why He spared me from making such a tragic mistake with that relationship. Being able to actually feel those feelings of doubt and unrest while dreaming was just a reminder of how I feel when I am awake and examine that relationship. Whenever I start down that "what if" path, God quickly reveals to me that He spared me from a relationship that was destined to be stressful, unhappy, complacent, and unfulfilled and totally unaligned with His idea of how a relationship and marriage is supposed to be.
Sometimes I wonder if my daydreaming is the cause of so many rocky relationships too. Well sort of. When my mind wanders about my current single status and the ever present desire to court and get married, God usually sends a broken relationship my way to examine. He reminds me with constant examples of what happens when people go outside His plan and do things their own way. It is revealed to me the consequences of couples that don't guard their hearts and adhere to sexual purity and allow sin to be center of their relationships, not Him. I am faced with adultery, broken trust, divorce, heartbreak, wasted year and unsatisfactory lives.
But my Father adores me. He thinks enough of me to spare me from that. He desires for me to be filled with blessings and happiness that He doesn't mind showing me the reality of what happens when I am impatient and decide to take matters into my own hands. Only a loving protecting father would go to such lengths to ensure that I inherit all the riches due to His beloved daughter. Doesn't get any better than that.
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