End Of An Era

Tonight, I am filled with a lot of emotions. You would think something crazy or radical happened to cause me to be in this bittersweet moment. To most, it's just a Wednesday. To my Fusion community, it's a major transition...an end of an era and the beginning of something amazing.

After 10 years, tonight was our last service in what is known as the Fusion building at Victory World Church. As of September 14, 2011, we will be moving to the main sanctuary. For me, it's kinda hard to wrap my head around that fact that for the past 2 years, I have spent every Wednesday (except for when I was in Peru), with my community of 300+ young adult believers going hard after God. I met surrendered my life to Christ at the stage in that building on September 9, 2009. I was baptized in that building. My son was baptized in that building just a week ago. I met some of the most amazing and life changing people in that building. I witnessed supernatural moves of the Spirit in that building. I watched courtships begin and proposals happen in that building. I have prayed so many prayers, worship to God in song so many times, cried my eyes out so many times, fell in love with my Savior over and over again, spent days and nights in that building.

My life was saved in that building. I met God in that building.

As emotional as I am about leaving a place that holds so many memories, I am beyond excited about moving to the larger space. Our Fusion services have been at max capacity for weeks now, with a regular attendance anywhere from 300 to 350 people. We have literally outgrown the Fusion building and more and more people keep coming. God is doing something amazing and I believe that this move is in His perfect timing. As Fusion began to outgrow our home, He was preparing a space for us to continue welcome 20 somethings from all over the city who are hungry for His truth.

To go from a room of 300 to a sanctuary that holds 1,400 will seem a bit weird and intimidating. Our ministry has some work to do go spread the word that there is place people can come if they want to have a true encounter with the living God and have their lives changed forever. We are not worried about how many people can fill the sanctuary but how many people will be set free from bondage. How many people will open their heart to receive God's love. How many people will surrender their life to Christ. How many disciples we can create who will continue to make more disciples and carry out the Great Commission. How many people will live a radical, sold out life for Christ because they experienced Him first at a Fusion service.

Tonight is the end of an era, but it is the beginning of something so much greater.

Missing Peru

This was 2 of the school girls that walked with us from the school we performed one of our dramas at in Cieneguilla. They belong to the after school tutoring/nutrition program provided by the Hearts in Action church.


This is a shot of the mountain villages in Cieneguilla right across the street from the church. Hundreds of little houses built on the government's mountain land. This area has a history of tragedy and violence. These kids have witnessed so much death and destruction around them. School and the church are their little bits of freedom.


This is the beach right across from our hostel in San Bartolo. We took this path just about everyday we were in San Bartolo visiting with the kids of Generacion. Our hostel and their house are literally feet from the ocean. The yellow house belongs to Lucy Borja, founder of Generacion.


This is Carla. She was our guide at Casa Veronika which is a rescue home for girls that leave the sex trafficking industry. At Casa Veronika, they teach sewing as a trade. The girls learn to make clothes for their children and sell shirts to help bring money into the house. Unfortunately, due to a lack of funding, they have not been able to complete the construction on their additional classrooms or take care of very many girls once they are off the streets.


This was one of the little girls I met at one of the schools we visited in Cieneguilla. It was so weird but all the kids treated us like rock stars. They wanted our autographs and to touch our hair and asked millions of questions about the US. Everyone girl wanted to know if we knew Justin Beiber. Go figure.


This is one of my favorite pictures of Lupe. She is such a beautiful girl, its crazy. She is a bit of a tomboy, surfer girl but has a smile and sparkle in her eye that will melt any guy's heart. She is one of the older kids at Generacion and does her best to watch out for the younger girls. In this picture, it was our last day with them so the kids took us to the rock cliffs at the beach. It's kinda like their special place but they always take our missions teams there.


This is one of only 2 pictures I captured with Sandy (in purple) smiling. The girls on my team had just presented Sandy and Rosemary (in blue) with matching necklaces and we prayed over them. She is such an affectionate girl who loves hugs. She shared part of her story about how she ended up at Generacion and instantly captured my heart. She still sends me IMs on Facebook even though I don't know Spanish. She is patient while I use the Google translator app to talk with her.



This was our last day with the Generacion kids in San Bartolo. We had spent 3 days with them laughing, dancing, singing, eating, and praying over them. They get visitors from other organizations that come through out the year but they look forward to seeing our Fusion mission team. To them, we are their American friends, not just missionaries. Even though to an outsider, it may seem like we did a lot of just hanging out, but for us, it was so much more. We bonded with these kids who are former street kids with some of the most heart breaking stories you could ever hear. You never know what lives you can touch, just being being the light of Jesus.

Thank You

It's the day after Thanksgiving and I am sitting in bed nursing a cold and about to prepare to head out for the day. I decided to take a moment and reflect on this incredible year and all the things that I am grateful for. Yeah, its cliche' but that's what happens around the holidays. My life has gone from one extreme to the next over the past year and there is so much to truly be thankful for because of God's amazing grace and mercy on my life.

1. I am thankful for the amazing gift of salvation. Above all else, just knowing that my personal commitment to follow Jesus has saved me from a life of condemnation has changed my life completely. I was absolutely consumed my sin, guilt and shame until coming back to Christ and now I can't imagine my life without His presence.

2. I am thankful for my boys. I have been a mom for so long, I really don't know what life is like to be kid free but I don't think I would change a thing. Gavin is growing up to be such an amazing kid and warrior for God that it blows my mind. We've had our run ins due to growing pains and both of us trying to figure out this thing called life, but I believe calmer days are ahead. He is finding his way in life, making mistakes in the process, but is growing and flourishing with the guidance of the Spirit and I couldn't be more proud. Aiden is my fearless side-kick. He is a child with his own mind and own way of doing things. He can be stubborn like his mom but at the end of the day, he requires extra attention and affirmation just like his dad. He reminds me that even in the hustle and bustle of the day, that coming home and watching Transformers with him for the millionth time is better than any night out. These kids have saved my life in more ways than I could ever express.

3. I am thankful for my family. I come from a rather dysfunctional family full of emotional scars, mistakes, regrets, and a host of other things. But they are my family and I love them dearly. I hold nothing but crazy good time memories of growing up in a house that seemed to be on the go 24/7. From setting picnic tables on fires, countless ER visits, jalapeno pepper pies, to us all gathering to bury my great grandmother Elizabeth, they are my family. My brothers are my protectors and my sister is the little rebel that truly wants to be free to do life her way.

4. I am thankful for Victory World Church, Fusion and my community. I often blog about how much I love my community so of course they would make the countdown. Coming to Victory LITERALLY saved my life. I think if I had continued down the path that I was on, I would be lost forever. Finding myself in that hotel room in Kansas City, MO was the turning point that I needed to make a change but I needed some major support to keep me off the path of destruction. It took a minute to work the kinks out and my final encounter with Maurice the married man sealed the deal. It was on that day that I knew I needed to be serious about turning my life around and thank goodness for free will. God allowed me to hit rock bottom so that I could truly come to Him humble and broken.

5. I am thankful for my mistakes. I have made more mistakes than anyone in life should. Stupid mistakes that have lead to pregnancies outside of wedlock, a couple of abortions, sexual assault at the hands of someone I thought could trust, broke hearts, debt, damaged friendships, suicidal thoughts, depression and near catastrophic meltdowns. I look back at all that and laugh because my past is dead. I have been made new because He calls me His beloved. I am a TOTALLY different person than I was a year and a half ago and I mean the transformation has been miraculous. I am a reformed sex addict, porn addict, liar, broken hearted, emotional basket case who has found her worth and value. I am no longer bound by sexual sin, a spirit that ruled my life since childhood. I no longer seek the approval of men to determine my value. I laugh with no restraint, I dream beyond the natural, and my potential is endless all because I let Christ mend my broken pieces. I am free.

I could go on and on about all that I am thankful for but I think you get the point. I am loving the place of freedom that I am in and wouldn't change a thing. I am learning how to do life the right way. I have learned to guard my heart and value my relationship with my creator. I have learned to embrace people, all people, broken and whole, and love them all the same. I have learned to share my story with others to show of God's amazing redeeming power. I have learned to love those who curse me and watch God totally change their hearts. I have learned the value of community and accountability, the value of true friendships, and the value of being patient when it comes to desires of the heart. He knows me, flaws and all, and yet He still sees fit to create a new day just for me to enjoy. Life is good.

Seasons Change

It's been over a week since I have posted and this past week has been non stop crazy. Been mapping out some ideas and suggestions for Fusion service teams as I transition from service teams to small group apprentice next year. That was totally God ordained and timely because the desire had been there and I was surprised that Avery, Taina, and Liz McVicker were all in agreement that it is time for me to step into that new role. I've also decided to step out on faith and take on this project of collecting donations for the women at Wellsprings Living. God put the idea on my heart earlier this year and it wasn't until seeing the Candy Shop documentary at the Fox that I decided to act on it. So far so good and luckily I am friends with enough small group leaders to help spread the word. Planning and organizing has been time consuming but so worth it if my vision comes to past. Thank you for community.

I realize I am transitioning into yet another season and the year is not over. God has me on this fast tracked agenda and I am not quite sure why. He has taught me valuable lessons in trusting Him, being bold for Him, dying to my prideful ways, knowing that even when I don't live up to His expectations, He still loves and delights in me. I have learned that my ways are not His ways and His ways reach far beyond my own comprehension. I have learned to separate my natural thinking from His supernatural actions. I have learned that prayer and faith can change lives and even in times of heartache and disappointment, He is still worthy to be praised. I have learned to lean on Him and only Him, that He will never forsake me, that He is always moving and always challenging me. I have learned that I need to be vulnerable and transparent with Him. He has been with me every minute of my existence so there isn't anything He doesn't know but He needed me to know that I can come to Him with the most intimate and fragile secrets, fears and desires.

There has been so much personal growth and spiritual growth in this past year that I often wonder "Why me? What did I do to deserve to be on such an incredible journey?" I usually get a "Why not you?" shortly thereafter. He is constantly reminding me that I am so worthy of all the desires of my heart because of my faithfulness to Him and my heart for others. Leash S. told me that God honors our pure hearts and faithfulness and I am seeing the fruits of my labor. Even when I don't even think I am worthy to call His name, He tells me that I am still His beloved, that my name is written in His hand and that He absolutely delights in me.

So as I have transitioned from learning to trust, to learning to be transparent, I feel like I am now learning how to get prepared. I'm not quite sure what I am getting prepared for, but that desire to get myself together is getting stronger and stronger. He is placing me with people that are outside of my normal circle and allowing them to speak into my life. He has placed me among Quiana and Dexter Culbreath who I am learning so much from. Our friendships sparked from me being obedient and blessing them with a small gift when Eden was born. Barely knew Quiana but felt this overwhelming need to get to know her and oddly enough she felt it too. God works like that. He places you where you need to be and with whom you need to be "for such a time as this." Waiting patiently for more revelations and confirmation but enjoying where I am.

He is good.

In The Course of Time

God's timing is perfect and ours suck. Words to live by. Last night's message from Johnson was very much on point. He spoke on what to do in the time between God responses to your prayers and when He delivers on His promise. He referenced the story in 1 Samuel about Hannah longing for a child and pouring her heart out to God. Eli heard her fervent prayers and told her to go in peace and prayed that God would grant her request. She dried her eyes and ate something and was no longer sad. 1 Samuel 1:20 stated that "in the course of time" Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to Samuel. How long is in the course of time? The Bible was very vague about how much time had passed from the time she said her prayer until the time that God delivered on her request. It could have been months, years, or decades but He was faithful and His timing was perfect.

So what do we do during out "in the course of time" period? For me, I am impatient, sometimes frustrated and doubtful. Sometimes I spend those times talking at God than praying to Him with a spirit of thanksgiving and praise. I wonder "why am I still single?" or "why haven't you shown me your purpose for me?" or "why am I still enduring this issue with Ryan?" or "why do I feel stuck sometimes?" I spend so much time worrying about whether or not God is moving the way I want Him to and in my time, that I miss out on the scenery that He has provided. I had that revelation a few weeks ago when I was plagued with distractions. I was so busy focusing on what were really minor issues (Ryan and our issues) instead of focusing on major issues (focusing on showing the love of Jesus to others). The enemy is very clever when he wants to knock us off God's plan. He just throws a couple of small things in our midst and watch us panic and not keep our eyes on God and His faithfulness. He allows those of seeds of doubt to creep into our head when we are impatient about God's timing. We start to wonder "where is God" in the midst of all the chaos. But God is always right there. He has promised to never forsake us and He is definitely a man of His word.

I am learning to live in the right now and not worry so much about tomorrow. Matthew 6:34 says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I need not worry about the next stage of my life because that's all in God's hands. He reveals things to me in His own time which has always proven to be perfect. If I keep focusing what comes next, I will miss all the glorious things that He has laid before me right now. I need to use this "in the course of time" period to stay committed to Him and uplifting His Kingdom. Maintain my servant's heart and not miss out on opportunities to share His love because I am too busy focusing on the finish line. God is always at my side. I might not feel His presence but I know He has not left me. In a time of crisis or in a time of joy, He is still worthy or praise.

Slow down and smell the roses.

Day 10: Called to Worship

"Shout joyful praises to God, all the earth! Sing about the glory of his name! Tell the world how glorious he is. Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds! Your enemies cringe before your mighty power. Everything on earth will worship you; they will sing your praises, shouting your name in glorious songs." Psalm 66:1-4

That is one of my favorite passages in Psalms. How befitting is this devotional about worship coming off the heels of the amazing Fusion Band concert. Last night was so full of energy and praise. I absolutely LOVE worship time and I think the Fusion Band is the best worship team I've heard. Mike Turner was right when he said that the band has an anointing. They seriously do.

For me, worship is one of the most intimate forms praise to God. Every song that we sing with our lips pierces a different part of our heart and mind that only God and that person know about. Everyone responds differently to a song. Some sit in silence and just embrace the moment or if your like me, I love to stand and sing to the Heavens with outstretched arms. That's like my personal time with God. It's just You and me here now. Only You and me here now.

I'm glad that the Fusion Band CD is comprised of my favorite songs, both high energy and slow and intimate. I can worship at home, in my car, at work, where ever. Its something about the worship songs that just sends tingles down my arms when the very song I am listen to is exactly where I am with God. Whether I feel lost or if I am sitting at His feet in awe, there is a song for it!

Acts 2:42

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer." Acts 2:42

That is the foundational scripture of Fusion. We devote ourselves to the apostles teachings by coming to our Wednesday night service. We fellowship when we gather together in small group communities. We break bread when we get together as friends and share a meal. We are devoted to prayer when we rally together and prayer for the sick, the lost, the hurting. I am so grateful and overjoyed to be among a group of people from my generation who understand what an Acts 2 church looks like and live it out on the regular!

Last night was such a powerful night for me and it showed me how the body of Christ is supposed to operation. Our fellow Fusionite Joyia Kelly is currently in the hospital with complications with her lungs. Now, I don't know Joyia personally but I know of her, have spoken with her in passing, and coo over her twins Lyric and Journi. You see, Joyia is a walking testimony. She has had a serious heart condition since birth, wasn't supposed to live past age 5 and was never supposed to have children. Well, she is an adult, married to an amazing man of God, and just gave birth to twin girls a year ago. Doctors put limits on God's power and He showed them that He has Joyia covered. A few days days ago, she was rushed to the hospital after spiting up blood. Her husband Courtney said this all happened after having a demonic dream...spiritual attack. People have been praying for Joyia and her family since she went to the hospital. Yesterday, Courtney announced on Facebook that the doctors were saying that they would need to remove a portion of her right lung because of an infection. Someone announced on Facebook that there would be a prayer vigil at the cross at Victory for Joyia and I knew I was supposed to be there. I only recognized a couple of people at the vigil since I don't know everyone at Fusion but we were all there in agreement sending up prayers of thanksgiving and for healing. There was such a peace and joy in the atmosphere and we knew God was already moving. A couple of hours later, Courtney announced that the surgery was off and that her condition was now treatable. All praises to God who still heals!

But He wasn't done yet.

My friend and sister in Christ, Kemesha Allen, is also in the hospital. I got the text from Jill right before leaving work and my heart sank. Me and Kemesha had just hung out at the Nascar race this past Sunday and she is supposed to be heading to Mexico for her 2 month missionary training program on the 17th. The enemy was so busy. We included Kemesha in our prayers at the cross and someone mentioned that her ministry work was going to begin right there in the hospital. A prophetic word in deed. When the prayer time was over, I hit the highway trying to make sure I got to Lawrenceville before visiting hours ended. When I walked into the room, I immediately felt overwhelmed with the presence of the Holy Spirit. Jill, Johana, Cristal and Keith were there praying. This is what community looks like. As I laid hands on Kemesha and gave thanks for her healing that had already begun, I was so overwhelmed with joy and peace that tears began to fall and I began to laugh to myself while praying. The Holy Spirit had everyone filled. There was no fear, no worry. We laughed until it hurt and declared victory over sickness. There was so much peace and joy in that room that we all knew that God was on the move doing His thing. Just got a text from her saying that the surgery is being rescheduled until after she gets a second opinion on Monday and can go home tonight. Total praise to God!! Guess He said no surgeries for Joyia or Kemesha today.

Everyday God shows me just a glimpse of His power and His absolute devotion to us. I serve a God that truly will never forsake me, will always provide for and protect me, will continue to smile at the thought of me even when I sin. He sacrifice His only Son so that I can come to Him and sit at His feet, free of condemnation. This experience is just one of many that I have encountered and will encounter during this journey. This renews my spirit and makes me even more hungry for Christ. He is amazing, faithful and I just stand in awe with thanks in my heart. I am beyond grateful to belong to the Fusion community with people that will drop what they are doing to come to the aid of someone in need. Believers that truly are the hands and feet of Jesus and show His love to any and everyone. I know of plenty of people that go to church but none that I can say live out His commands to make disciples, heal the sick, take care of the poor, love others and mean it like the Fusion community. Just last week, Vittoria's mom saw a family at the park and ride near the church and took it upon herself to speak to them. You see, this wife, husband and toddler had been there for weeks, homeless. People passed them by and a few offered to help but did not follow through. V's mom contacted her and the ball started rolling. Vittoria called Dede, Avery and Nate and by the afternoon, this family was in an extended stay motel with food and supplies. The husband had already gotten a job at Walmart and Nate was working on getting a job for the wife. They went to service this past Saturday and loved it. Nate said that they are still in shock that a group of young people came to their rescue and didn't even know them and truly came through when others failed them. Hey, that's what Christians are supposed to do, that's what Fusion always does. I know that Johnson rests easy knowing that whenever the call goes out to Fusion for a cause or someone in need, they step up and make things happen. Great leadership creates obedient and faithful followers.

When I think of the awesome power of Fusion, I think of Sabrina who we rescued from sex slavery during S2S this summer; Tish who was helped just a few weeks ago; the 30 kids that are being sponsored by Fusionites for Mike Turner's school in Nicaragua; the families in Nashville who were helped after the flood when Fusionites were the first to respond even before Victory sent a team; the hundreds of stories from Fusion on Tour when we went into the community with the gospel, the 700 men who got a hot meal thanks to the Christmas gift to the City with S2S and Fusion, the 55 people that got baptized in street clothes a few weeks ago; the Holy Spirit filled season of Fusion back in the spring that lasted months; Nate whose eyes were healed and Jasmine who was healed from cervical cancer; the amazing outreach coming up in October with Safehouse. These are just a handful of memories that I have and Fusion's work goes so far beyond that. Acts 2:42 is the catalyst behind it all. Come on Jesus.

Fusion Is Back!!

Last night was AMAZING!!! I mean seriously. Last night was the relaunch of Fusion, the young adult ministry at my church that has literally become my family. Since coming to Fusion about a year ago, I have met some of the most amazing and inspiring sisters and brothers in Christ. God truly knew what He was doing when He pointed me in Fusion's direction. A building full of 300+ 20 something people who are seriously on fire for God, is something I had never seen before, but now, they are my family.

Coming back to Fusion after being on tour for six weeks was like coming home. I had already been stressed by the turn of events from the past weekend and other things but I was determined to enjoy my night. Met up with Carrie, Zoe and Sheka for our pre-Fusion dinner and I was immediately at peace about the stress and distractions in my life. God was already on the move before I had even gotten to church. I walked into the building pre-service and it was already full of energy, laughter, hugs, prayer circles, fellowship and fun. Some people had not seen each other in six weeks and spent that time catching up, while new comers came in droves. I was home, ready to encounter my Daddy!

Being that I was super excited, relaxed, and ready to handle my leadership duties, I didn't know that God was going to do some awesome moving on my behalf that night. While checking in the kids for Fusion Kidz, my fellow Fusionite, s2s alum and true brother in Christ, Nate stopped me at the table to share some amazing news. For the past few weeks, he had been keeping me up to speed with some ideas about doing Princess Night with s2s on a bigger scale. I'm all for helping in anyway to help rescue girls from sex slavery. He asked me to be apart of a planning committee that he is heading up with s2s and I couldn't be more thrilled. I love the vision and mission of s2s, already writing for their blog, so I am game for anything s2s! My night was looking brighter!

Worship was amazing. Service was a recap of some of the stories from Fusion on Tour and the various missions trips. I was so filled with the joy and praise for the work that Fusion did for the community that by the time we closed with the Fusion Band doing "Sing, Sing, Sing" I was jumping and shouting to the top of my lungs. God's power will do that to you. Service ended and we kicked off Fusion after Dark! More time for fellowship, grubbing with friends, prayer circles, watching Avatar, games, laughter, meeting new people, small group sign ups, Rock Paper Scissors contest, healings, everything. First time I got to enjoy Fusion After Dark because I live minutes from the church and didn't have to worry about driving 30 mins back to Cobb. I was loving it!

But, yet again, God decided to show His purpose for me yet again! Another fellow Fusionite and brother in Christ, Keith Hall stopped me at the small group sign up tables. He asked me about leadership and I reminded him that I was on the service team side. He gave me a look that I had seen many times before from various people. That "when are you getting a small group" look. He cast his vision about wanting to start a small group for single parents and my heart leap. For the longest, I have felt a tug to go into small group leadership but I never think I am prepared for it. So many people have asked why I'm not apprenticing a small group yet so its like they keep speaking that over me. Also, I had thoughts about a small group for single parents so they to can be more involved. Being a single mom myself, I know how it is to want to get involved in small group but have to worry about child care. It breaks my heart that we have so many parents that want to be involved but cant or just don't feel like they fit in. When Keith cast his vision, I knew God was putting His stamp on what had been in my heart anyway. Another AMAZING opportunity to serve Him with my whole life.

Yesterday started off with me being beyond stressed about finances, my future, work, home, you name it. But my Almighty Father has so many plans for me that I don't have time to be distracted with life. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." So many times we get so distracted with life's circumstances and stress, that we get distracted from our purpose. We are unable to see what God wants us to do. We get consumed with US, that we take our focus off of HIM. Such a scheme of the enemy. My Father wants to use me to change the world and to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. My eyes and ears are open. I am so excited about what He has in store and how my own life will be transformed by walking out my purpose.

Thank you Fusion for being filled with a generation of visionaries and laborers. Thank you Father for your grace and mercy to do Your will.

Such A Time As This

I can't remember the exact season that I was in, but at some point in my life, I lost my passion for writing. I could remember a time when books and writing were the absolute most exciting and positive thing in my life as a child. I had imaginary stories and characters that were my escape from my everyday routine. I loved it.

Then life happened. Puberty hit. Boys started to take notice of me. I started to take notice of them. Writing became less important. Only something I did for assignments. The passion was slowly fading away. Then high school hit, peer pressure, the need for acceptance, the need to feel loved, the need to feel anything. My passion for creative writing had died. Home life wasn't great, so I used my friends as an escape. When they didn't fill that void, I found my escape in the boys that told me I was pretty. I traded my passion and desire for writing, for just passion and desire. Bad choice.

Fast forward a decade and some change and about 100 million bad mistakes, and now I am on the other side of the fence. After 2 kids and years of searching for someone to fill that void, I found the light at the end of that dark and lonely tunnel. I found my Father...well more like I stopped running from Him and let Him catch me. We have a simple pact: Give Him all of my junk and He will love me like crazy. I don't have to go out of my way to please Him and He loves me past the hurt and dirt I brought with me.

My journey for righteousness started in July 2009 when God spoke to me for the very first time, in my drive way when I was straight raising hell with someone, but that's for another post. I came to Victory in mid August of 2009 and never left. I mean literally never left. I hit the ground running absorbing everything He had to offer as well as everything Victory had to offer. I was thirsty, anxious to change my life and change the world.

But He said "wait." Yeah, I didn't get that either. He wanted to teach me how to trust Him and allow Him to guide my steps. Not an easy feat for someone who is used to be in control. So I stepped back from the driver's side of my life, allowed God to work on mending my heart and I waited. Just wasn't sure what for.

Then it happened. God wanted me to write a letter to Aiden's dad. Took me 2 days to figure out what to say that didn't involve attitude. But by the time the pen hit the paper, I had written a 2 page letter with words that I swear to this day I didn't write. Kinda like the Holy Spirit took over and replace my anger with words of calm, focus, control and sincerity. I gave him the letter in obedience and never heard a word about it.

Then it happened again. God had me sharing scriptures on peace, faith, wisdom, His love,and forgiveness with Aiden's dad. I found articles and devotionals to send to him. It was working cause God was getting through to him.

Then it happened again! I prayed for boldness to spread God's love to people around me that needed it. God said "write letters." I wrote out 5 heartfelt letters of God's love and devotion to friends I knew needed that bit of encouragement. God said "now write one to Aiden's dad." I said no. God convicted my heart by showing me a vision of Aiden's dad crying in his car. My heart broke and after a week of stalling, I allowed the Holy Spirit to order my words to write the letter. I felt freedom when I delivered that letter though we never spoke about it.

Fast forward a couple of months to just 2 days ago and it finally hit me. God was preparing me for such a time as this. He ignited a spark in me to recognize my gift...writing. My Father said wait and trust Him and in my obedience, He promised to release blessings and great power to me. He wants me to touch hearts and change the world with words. He wants me to be bold and speak of His loves to those that need it and will receive it and to those that need it and won't receive it.

Such a time as this. Jake Hamilton's song The Anthem spoke to my heart during worship this afternoon. God prepared me to re-ignite that passion, my gift that had been there all along. He prepared me to be obedient and still speak of His love, His promise, His truth, His heartbreak, even for those that might not receive it. For such a time as this. People can turn a blind eye to what's going around them, but words tend to pierce hearts a bit better. You have to process words into sentences and paint that picture in your head. That's God planting a seed. God wants me to help plant seeds even if I never see the plants grow. And I'm alright with that because He still gets the praise and glory.