I'm still chugging along with the book The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel. I downloaded the ebook to my laptop and spent about an hour highlighting and making notes for myself because there is so much truth to the words in the book. If I had the actual hard copy, there would be an abundance of highlights, pen scribbles, dog eared pages, and Post It Notes.
I was reading through the section on knowing God but thinking that He is not fair when a light bulb came on. I know I have had plenty of episodes where I questioned God because I didn't think He was being fair in my life. Why do the people that don't believe in God or adhere to His commands seem to prosper more than those who follow Him whole-heartedly? Why was my prayer for a new job not answered? Why did I pray for a Ebony's new born baby only to have him die a few days later? In my mind, none of it makes sense.
In my reading, I unearthed Psalm 103:10-12 that says, " God does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." God is not fair and that's actually a good thing. If He were a fair God, everyone on Earth should be wiped out. We are sinners by nature and we all know that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Think about it.
Life often times will not be fair. That's just how it is. Yet, at the end of the day, we serve a God who is loving and just. He provided the ultimate sacrifice so that we can be redeemed and saved from our sins. He did the ultimate act of love by sending us Jesus, our Savior. No matter how many times we think He isn't fair because life doesn't always go the way we think it should, we need to always remembers that He loves us, He cares for us, He desire for us to live an abundant life, He yearns for us. He will always make things work together for the good of those that believe in Him. Hard times will happen and many we won't even begin to understand. Lean not into your own understanding and trust God. He is just because He forgives us, He is not fair because He loves us.
Showing posts with label redemption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label redemption. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Easter Eggs and Strip Clubs
I am still on a high from this weekend. Well mainly from all that transpired on Saturday. Fusion has a pretty cool outreach on with an apartment complex a block from the church called Las Colinas. The area near the church is heavily populated with lower income families, mainly Hispanic. With it being Easter weekend, what better time to reach out to the community and share the Gospel that the Black Friday of all Christian holidays.
When my alarm went off that morning, I seriously debated on not going. I have been running none stop for weeks now and I truly have not had a Sabbath in forever. My body was crying out for me to hit the snooze button and just skip the outreach altogether. But the leader in me knew I needed to be there so me and Gavin got dressed in record speed, hit the drive thru for breakfast and made our way to the apartment complex.
And it was amazing.
We split into groups with a least one Spanish speaker heading it up so we could talk to the Hispanic families we encountered. We took bags of groceries door to door, invited the families to bring their kids down for an Easter egg hunt, face painting, crafts, an inflatable jumpy house and a game of soccer. They came out in droves! The most touching encounter was our last stop. We heard kids playing on the balcony and Melissa spoke to them in Spanish asking where their parents were. One little boy mentioned that his mom was inside but she was sick. All 4 ran inside, woke mom up and opened the door for a group of strangers who mentioned Jesus and games. The mom, whose name was Mildred was small and thin and had exhaustion written all over her face. She was reluctant to speak with us (well Melissa cause she only spoke Spanish), but she invited us in. Mildred explained that she had been having problems with her kidney and the doctors didn't know what was wrong. One of her sons had just come back from Honduras and was almost out of control behaviorally. Her infant daughter contracted a brain virus which damaged part of her brain making her left side immobile. She had lost her Medicaid insurance, had to switch to a lower paying night job so she could take her son and daughter to doctors, her husband left and it was just her and her sister there to care for 5 kids. She had lost hope.
Until we shared the Gospel with her. The hope of Jesus Christ. She let us pray for her healing and her children. She tearfully accepted Christ as her Savior. She allowed us to take the 4 boys out to play games and they had a ball! Roberto found the golden egg with a dollar inside and he swelled with pride. Michael couldn't speak English but had fun making a paper bunny and getting his face painted. His older brother Oscar, who has the behavior issue helped him draw a bunny face and translated for me. As we walked them back home, Melissa shared with them the story of Jesus and they all listened so intently, especially Oscar. They recited the prayer of Salvation and gave us all hugs. When their mom opened the door, you could see her entire face was lit up with joy and peace at the sight of her smiling boys as they showed her the candy they collected, their painted faces and paper bunnies.
A whole family saved. Hope restored. God was showing out for real. But He wasn't done.
That night, I met up with some more of my friends as we prepared to minister at a strip club, hoping to bring the light of Christ into one of the darkest places. My friends Sheena is a former stripper and God placed it on her heart to rescue other girls from the very place He rescued her. We prayed, gathered the many gift boxes that we had put together for the girls that included handwritten letters of love, an invitation card to Easter service and candy. Our army of about 15 girls marched into the club while about 5 guys stayed outside and covered us and the club in prayer. Luckily, Sheena was still cool with the manager so he allowed us to talk to the girls in the locker room as long as we didn't bother the paying customers.
I hadn't been inside a strip club in years but seeing the girls dancing half naked on a pole is never a sight you forget. We entered the tiny locker room and kinda stood in awe as we adjusted to the scene. God's beautiful daughters reduced to sex objects, some half naked, some totally naked, all mentally check out of reality. None of us were sure how effective our rag tag team of young Christian women would be to these girls with hardened hearts who have been through experiences some of us will never understand.
But again, it was AMAZING. God was AMAZING.
The girls welcomed us with open arms and many with tearful eyes and thankful hearts. We gave them hugs and the gift boxes and in turn they gave us their wounded spirits. We prayed for them, we loved on them, we complimented their beauty. We saw them through the eyes of our Father and they knew that. They each had a story to tell. Many were in school trying to make a better life for themselves, many didn't think they had any other options. Sheena shed so many tears because she saw so many of her friends that were still stuck in that life, trapped and hopeless. She reminded them and herself that God can pull them out of any situation, even stripping and prostitution, if they let Him.
My friend Alysha and I followed one girl into the tiny bathroom because she wanted prayer for her sick uncle. By the time we finished praying for her, 3 or 4 other girls rushed up to us asking if we could pray for them. They were desperate for something other than what they knew. The last girl we prayed for captured my heart. She tearfully asked for prayer for strength, wisdom and love. As the light reflected off of her tiny crucifix around her neck, she told Alysha and I that God sent us there especially for her because she didn't think she was going to survive that night. She needed to know that someone cared for her and loved her beyond her circumstance. I shared with her part of my story of abuse, kids out of wedlock, a million bad choices, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, my decision to turn it all over to God and my redeemed and restored life today. She needed that truth. She needed a Savior and we gave her a hope for the future.
Obviously, we made such an impact in the short time we were there because the manager called for us to leave over the loud speaker a few times. None of us even realized it until he came into the locker room to escort us out because all of the girls were in with us getting prayer and none were on stage making money for the club. God moved in that place for real! Seeds were planted for sure.
As we recapped the night, some of my friends were in tears from heavy hearts. If they could take everyone of those girls out of that place, they would have. But we did good that night. We left those girls with the hope of Jesus and a prayer that they will reach out to Him so He can rescue them. We plan to go back again and again until we reclaim His lost girls so they can in turn rescue others.
Not bad for a random Saturday.
When my alarm went off that morning, I seriously debated on not going. I have been running none stop for weeks now and I truly have not had a Sabbath in forever. My body was crying out for me to hit the snooze button and just skip the outreach altogether. But the leader in me knew I needed to be there so me and Gavin got dressed in record speed, hit the drive thru for breakfast and made our way to the apartment complex.
And it was amazing.
We split into groups with a least one Spanish speaker heading it up so we could talk to the Hispanic families we encountered. We took bags of groceries door to door, invited the families to bring their kids down for an Easter egg hunt, face painting, crafts, an inflatable jumpy house and a game of soccer. They came out in droves! The most touching encounter was our last stop. We heard kids playing on the balcony and Melissa spoke to them in Spanish asking where their parents were. One little boy mentioned that his mom was inside but she was sick. All 4 ran inside, woke mom up and opened the door for a group of strangers who mentioned Jesus and games. The mom, whose name was Mildred was small and thin and had exhaustion written all over her face. She was reluctant to speak with us (well Melissa cause she only spoke Spanish), but she invited us in. Mildred explained that she had been having problems with her kidney and the doctors didn't know what was wrong. One of her sons had just come back from Honduras and was almost out of control behaviorally. Her infant daughter contracted a brain virus which damaged part of her brain making her left side immobile. She had lost her Medicaid insurance, had to switch to a lower paying night job so she could take her son and daughter to doctors, her husband left and it was just her and her sister there to care for 5 kids. She had lost hope.
Until we shared the Gospel with her. The hope of Jesus Christ. She let us pray for her healing and her children. She tearfully accepted Christ as her Savior. She allowed us to take the 4 boys out to play games and they had a ball! Roberto found the golden egg with a dollar inside and he swelled with pride. Michael couldn't speak English but had fun making a paper bunny and getting his face painted. His older brother Oscar, who has the behavior issue helped him draw a bunny face and translated for me. As we walked them back home, Melissa shared with them the story of Jesus and they all listened so intently, especially Oscar. They recited the prayer of Salvation and gave us all hugs. When their mom opened the door, you could see her entire face was lit up with joy and peace at the sight of her smiling boys as they showed her the candy they collected, their painted faces and paper bunnies.
A whole family saved. Hope restored. God was showing out for real. But He wasn't done.
That night, I met up with some more of my friends as we prepared to minister at a strip club, hoping to bring the light of Christ into one of the darkest places. My friends Sheena is a former stripper and God placed it on her heart to rescue other girls from the very place He rescued her. We prayed, gathered the many gift boxes that we had put together for the girls that included handwritten letters of love, an invitation card to Easter service and candy. Our army of about 15 girls marched into the club while about 5 guys stayed outside and covered us and the club in prayer. Luckily, Sheena was still cool with the manager so he allowed us to talk to the girls in the locker room as long as we didn't bother the paying customers.
I hadn't been inside a strip club in years but seeing the girls dancing half naked on a pole is never a sight you forget. We entered the tiny locker room and kinda stood in awe as we adjusted to the scene. God's beautiful daughters reduced to sex objects, some half naked, some totally naked, all mentally check out of reality. None of us were sure how effective our rag tag team of young Christian women would be to these girls with hardened hearts who have been through experiences some of us will never understand.
But again, it was AMAZING. God was AMAZING.
The girls welcomed us with open arms and many with tearful eyes and thankful hearts. We gave them hugs and the gift boxes and in turn they gave us their wounded spirits. We prayed for them, we loved on them, we complimented their beauty. We saw them through the eyes of our Father and they knew that. They each had a story to tell. Many were in school trying to make a better life for themselves, many didn't think they had any other options. Sheena shed so many tears because she saw so many of her friends that were still stuck in that life, trapped and hopeless. She reminded them and herself that God can pull them out of any situation, even stripping and prostitution, if they let Him.
My friend Alysha and I followed one girl into the tiny bathroom because she wanted prayer for her sick uncle. By the time we finished praying for her, 3 or 4 other girls rushed up to us asking if we could pray for them. They were desperate for something other than what they knew. The last girl we prayed for captured my heart. She tearfully asked for prayer for strength, wisdom and love. As the light reflected off of her tiny crucifix around her neck, she told Alysha and I that God sent us there especially for her because she didn't think she was going to survive that night. She needed to know that someone cared for her and loved her beyond her circumstance. I shared with her part of my story of abuse, kids out of wedlock, a million bad choices, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, my decision to turn it all over to God and my redeemed and restored life today. She needed that truth. She needed a Savior and we gave her a hope for the future.
Obviously, we made such an impact in the short time we were there because the manager called for us to leave over the loud speaker a few times. None of us even realized it until he came into the locker room to escort us out because all of the girls were in with us getting prayer and none were on stage making money for the club. God moved in that place for real! Seeds were planted for sure.
As we recapped the night, some of my friends were in tears from heavy hearts. If they could take everyone of those girls out of that place, they would have. But we did good that night. We left those girls with the hope of Jesus and a prayer that they will reach out to Him so He can rescue them. We plan to go back again and again until we reclaim His lost girls so they can in turn rescue others.
Not bad for a random Saturday.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Generational Curse
I ran across a startling news report about a high school in Memphis that has 90 girls that are either currently pregnant or have had a baby since the school year began. Stories like that absolutely devastate me. The teen pregnancy epidemic is one of those issues that will probably never go away, at least not in our life time. Someone I know recently had a baby shower for her pregnant teenage daughter and I had the same gut feeling that I had when it came to my mom wanting to throw a baby shower for my pregnant 17 year old self. Why are we celebrating a teenager having a baby? Yes babies are blessings from God and no we shouldn't shame the pregnant girls either, but something about celebrating teen pregnancy just isn't right.
When thinking about the 90 new or soon to be moms in Memphis, the teenager coming off the high of her baby shower, and my own experience as a teen mom, the idea of generational curses came to mind. Numbers 14:18 says "The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." This scripture doesn't mean that children will forever be paying the price for crap their parents did. However it does mean that sins that our parents commit can have damaging affects on their children and create a cycle of those same sins being committed from one generation to the next.
Teen pregnancy is a generational curse. A huge percentage of babies born to teen moms are being raised by mothers that were teen moms themselves. My mother was a single mother at 18 and I had my son at 17. Am I blaming my mother from me getting pregnant? Not at all because trust me, I knew what I was doing when I made the conscious decision to have sex. But did my mother do her part to break the generational curse of pre-marital sex and teen pregnancy in her children? Absolutely not. I wasn't told how precious and worthy I am to God and that I should honor Him by remaining pure until I was married. I didn't have my worth validated and reaffirmed by a loving and devoted Earthly father. Despite all the good grades, amazing friends and promising academic future, I still had a longing to be loved because I didn't know the love of an Earthly father or my Heavenly Father.
Generations are punished for the sins of the father when parents don't make the effort to break those generational curses. Parents are the gatekeepers and protectors of their children. We are responsible for their well being which means physical, mental and spiritual. Most people get the physical and mental down but often leave the spiritual up to them to handle in their adult age. Parents have to be diligent about identifying those generational curses and making the decision to break off those spirits and not allowing them to become to burdens of their children.
If you take a look at any family, you can see the sins and spirits that have been passed down from generation to generations. Insecure parents pass down the curse of insecurity to their children because they are not taught confidence and self worth. Abusive parents pass down the curse of being an abuser or being abused to their children. All these issues and spirits can be broken if someone takes a stand and seek God for healing and redemption. No spirit, curse, sin, or issue of brokenness is too great for God to tackle. Every parent wants their child to have a better life than they did. Maybe it's time to really be intentional about ensuring our children do have the full life that they deserve.
When thinking about the 90 new or soon to be moms in Memphis, the teenager coming off the high of her baby shower, and my own experience as a teen mom, the idea of generational curses came to mind. Numbers 14:18 says "The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." This scripture doesn't mean that children will forever be paying the price for crap their parents did. However it does mean that sins that our parents commit can have damaging affects on their children and create a cycle of those same sins being committed from one generation to the next.
Teen pregnancy is a generational curse. A huge percentage of babies born to teen moms are being raised by mothers that were teen moms themselves. My mother was a single mother at 18 and I had my son at 17. Am I blaming my mother from me getting pregnant? Not at all because trust me, I knew what I was doing when I made the conscious decision to have sex. But did my mother do her part to break the generational curse of pre-marital sex and teen pregnancy in her children? Absolutely not. I wasn't told how precious and worthy I am to God and that I should honor Him by remaining pure until I was married. I didn't have my worth validated and reaffirmed by a loving and devoted Earthly father. Despite all the good grades, amazing friends and promising academic future, I still had a longing to be loved because I didn't know the love of an Earthly father or my Heavenly Father.
Generations are punished for the sins of the father when parents don't make the effort to break those generational curses. Parents are the gatekeepers and protectors of their children. We are responsible for their well being which means physical, mental and spiritual. Most people get the physical and mental down but often leave the spiritual up to them to handle in their adult age. Parents have to be diligent about identifying those generational curses and making the decision to break off those spirits and not allowing them to become to burdens of their children.
If you take a look at any family, you can see the sins and spirits that have been passed down from generation to generations. Insecure parents pass down the curse of insecurity to their children because they are not taught confidence and self worth. Abusive parents pass down the curse of being an abuser or being abused to their children. All these issues and spirits can be broken if someone takes a stand and seek God for healing and redemption. No spirit, curse, sin, or issue of brokenness is too great for God to tackle. Every parent wants their child to have a better life than they did. Maybe it's time to really be intentional about ensuring our children do have the full life that they deserve.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Angel and a Princess
Today, my heart was heavy for Shaniya Davis. This 5 year old angel died 1 year ago today. She died at the hands of the man who bought her for the purpose of having sex with her. Yes. Her mother sold her 5 year old daughter into sex slavery. 5 years old. I still remember seeing her picture on the morning news, all dressed in white, looking like my 4 year old niece's twin. I thought I saw my niece Kameron staring back at me, kidnap victim, alone, scared, young. I still remember thinking about Shaniya all morning and all afternoon. I remember follow the news reports and any tips from the AP wire I could find about whether or not she was found. I remember praying for this little girl. I remember reading on change.org that her body had been found along the side of a North Carolina highway. My heart literally broke into pieces.
I admit I was absolutely on fire about what happened to that little girl but I didn't know what I could do to help the cause. A few weeks later, I contacted Innocence Atlanta, who connected me to Redeemed Ministries, where I took the Hands that Heal training. My eyes were opened wide to the issue and I was astounded by the stats and lack of resources. Hundreds of girls on the streets every night and only a hand full of beds available in all of Georgia, if they wanted to escape the life. Crazy I know. Where is the justice?
Fast forward to June and it's Princess Night for Sunday to Sunday. My life would be forever changed by a young 19 year old girl named Sabrina. A girl who had been a prostitute for 3 years. Her rescue was something out of the movies, the sheer volume of time coordinating schedules for her care was mind numbing but the nights I spent in her presence were priceless. She shared about areas of her life freely and was almost like a kid again. Though Sabrina eventually went back to that life after coming and going a few times, I will never forget her face. I will never forget her love for Starburst and Vitamin Water. I will never forget her stories, or her nightmares as she slept. She will forever be our Princess.
I was that girl. I was the poster child for broken homes, generational curses, low self esteem as a child, lack of self worth, lack of direction, lack of God. Raised by a single mom, low income, mom's boyfriends in and out, no father of my own, abused for years. Raised in church but never knew God. I was that girl. I look back and I promise it was by the sheer GRACE of God that I didn't end up being pimped out by some grown man as a kid. Yeah I was smart in school and had friends, but I had more inner turmoil, more dark secrets and shame than anyone ever imagined. I needed love, I needed someone to notice me, I needed someone to love me and take care of me. I was always one "hey pretty girl" away from being lead completely astray. I was that girl. I guess that's why my heart aches for girls that become victims because that truly could have been me. I fit the profile of the 12 year old girl being forced into sex slavery. I was that girl.
When I think of all that God saved me from, even when I didn't know He was working in my favor, I can't imagine my life not speaking up for those whose life mirrored mine years ago. Pastor D always says there is purpose rooted in pain. God can use something bad in your life and use it for good. I am allowing Him to use me, mold and stretch me anyway He sees fit. I cannot even begin to show God my gratitude for redeeming me, for His perfect love that has cast out fear, for His amazing power that I cannot fathom with my natural mind, for rescuing me from a life that would lead me straight to Hell, for calling me His Beloved. I was that girl, bound and broken, but I have been set free and made whole again.
I admit I was absolutely on fire about what happened to that little girl but I didn't know what I could do to help the cause. A few weeks later, I contacted Innocence Atlanta, who connected me to Redeemed Ministries, where I took the Hands that Heal training. My eyes were opened wide to the issue and I was astounded by the stats and lack of resources. Hundreds of girls on the streets every night and only a hand full of beds available in all of Georgia, if they wanted to escape the life. Crazy I know. Where is the justice?
Fast forward to June and it's Princess Night for Sunday to Sunday. My life would be forever changed by a young 19 year old girl named Sabrina. A girl who had been a prostitute for 3 years. Her rescue was something out of the movies, the sheer volume of time coordinating schedules for her care was mind numbing but the nights I spent in her presence were priceless. She shared about areas of her life freely and was almost like a kid again. Though Sabrina eventually went back to that life after coming and going a few times, I will never forget her face. I will never forget her love for Starburst and Vitamin Water. I will never forget her stories, or her nightmares as she slept. She will forever be our Princess.
I was that girl. I was the poster child for broken homes, generational curses, low self esteem as a child, lack of self worth, lack of direction, lack of God. Raised by a single mom, low income, mom's boyfriends in and out, no father of my own, abused for years. Raised in church but never knew God. I was that girl. I look back and I promise it was by the sheer GRACE of God that I didn't end up being pimped out by some grown man as a kid. Yeah I was smart in school and had friends, but I had more inner turmoil, more dark secrets and shame than anyone ever imagined. I needed love, I needed someone to notice me, I needed someone to love me and take care of me. I was always one "hey pretty girl" away from being lead completely astray. I was that girl. I guess that's why my heart aches for girls that become victims because that truly could have been me. I fit the profile of the 12 year old girl being forced into sex slavery. I was that girl.
When I think of all that God saved me from, even when I didn't know He was working in my favor, I can't imagine my life not speaking up for those whose life mirrored mine years ago. Pastor D always says there is purpose rooted in pain. God can use something bad in your life and use it for good. I am allowing Him to use me, mold and stretch me anyway He sees fit. I cannot even begin to show God my gratitude for redeeming me, for His perfect love that has cast out fear, for His amazing power that I cannot fathom with my natural mind, for rescuing me from a life that would lead me straight to Hell, for calling me His Beloved. I was that girl, bound and broken, but I have been set free and made whole again.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Iron Sharpens Iron
Tonight was truly a night to remember and a night to cherish. My small group leader, Taina, decided to host a small, intimate event for the single moms she knew. I usually don't care for single mom oriented stuff because it usually ends up being a "man bashing, I need to find a man" session. This was truly special and I am so grateful for her in so many ways.
I have been struggling a bit emotionally in the single mom area. Puberty is hitting, Aiden is becoming more strong willed by the day, everyone is getting married and seem so much more "blessed" than I am. I know I have lots of single mom friends and we have exchanged our tears and inspirations with each other, but being able to hear the testimony of someone I don't know who has been where I am and see the fruit of their labor and the power of God is absolutely wonderful.
I was in tears as Cindy shared her testimony because I saw me in it. Abuse, teen mom, abandonment, generational curses, falling for someone for all the wrong reasons, living with a boyfriend. All me too. But it was so amazing to see how God had real Godly people speaking life into her and her boyfriend and them making the responsible decision to follow His word. Stories like that show me that although things seem tough and sometimes hopeless, He truly does honor the desires of our hearts and in His own time, He makes all things work together for our good.
Leah blew me away with her wisdom and transparency. Just hearing her story was almost like getting confirmation that some of the decisions that I have made were not totally crazy, though some people thought they were. Me choosing to remain patient and follow God's command with the whole Ryan situation wasn't easy but I knew there was a purpose for it. Me not going to court and allowing us to try to work things out as amicably as possible for was for a reason. Me always making sure I remembered that Aiden was the bigger picture and not our hurt feelings was for a purpose. I still get little "God winks" as Leah calls them. That is God's way of showing me that despite how I see things, He is still moving on my behalf. Though Ryan and his wife give the perception of things being picture perfect, God allows for Ryan to have his brief moments of transparency and I see that his life is not all that he makes people believe. I can hear the disappointment and hurt in his voice when Aiden doesn't want to talk with him and it does break my heart. But at the same time, he is dealing with the consequences of his decision to allow his relationship with Aiden to be put on the back burner.
I am proud of myself for speaking up with the two thoughts that I had on my mind. One was following God instead of making decisions that others think are best for me and the other was about being patient in waiting for my husband. Me speaking up was TRULY a big step for me and its because God is working on me being more transparent. He is placing people in my life for me to learn from and have life poured into me but I have to be willing to share bits of myself with those people and all of it with God. It's so funny that Leah prayed over me and said God gave her a word about me giving Him my all. Giving God all of me and being totally dependent on Him and Him alone. I was floored because that's exactly what I struggle with. Man, He is always right there speaking. Even Taina spoke a word about putting yourself in the path with people that are higher thinkers, not like minded thinkers. Put yourself with people who have been there, done that and can speak from experience, not people that are walking the same path as you because what can you learn from that?
Iron truly sharpens iron. Those that have been there and those that are still there have provided me with some knowledge beyond my imagination. I am so thankful for my Victory family and my community of believers that don't mind calling me out on my crap. People that don't mind holding me accountable and asking those hard questions. People that I can share my fears and concerns with and have them teach me how to speak blessings over my life, my family, my future. God is definitely moving, in more ways than one.
I have been struggling a bit emotionally in the single mom area. Puberty is hitting, Aiden is becoming more strong willed by the day, everyone is getting married and seem so much more "blessed" than I am. I know I have lots of single mom friends and we have exchanged our tears and inspirations with each other, but being able to hear the testimony of someone I don't know who has been where I am and see the fruit of their labor and the power of God is absolutely wonderful.
I was in tears as Cindy shared her testimony because I saw me in it. Abuse, teen mom, abandonment, generational curses, falling for someone for all the wrong reasons, living with a boyfriend. All me too. But it was so amazing to see how God had real Godly people speaking life into her and her boyfriend and them making the responsible decision to follow His word. Stories like that show me that although things seem tough and sometimes hopeless, He truly does honor the desires of our hearts and in His own time, He makes all things work together for our good.
Leah blew me away with her wisdom and transparency. Just hearing her story was almost like getting confirmation that some of the decisions that I have made were not totally crazy, though some people thought they were. Me choosing to remain patient and follow God's command with the whole Ryan situation wasn't easy but I knew there was a purpose for it. Me not going to court and allowing us to try to work things out as amicably as possible for was for a reason. Me always making sure I remembered that Aiden was the bigger picture and not our hurt feelings was for a purpose. I still get little "God winks" as Leah calls them. That is God's way of showing me that despite how I see things, He is still moving on my behalf. Though Ryan and his wife give the perception of things being picture perfect, God allows for Ryan to have his brief moments of transparency and I see that his life is not all that he makes people believe. I can hear the disappointment and hurt in his voice when Aiden doesn't want to talk with him and it does break my heart. But at the same time, he is dealing with the consequences of his decision to allow his relationship with Aiden to be put on the back burner.
I am proud of myself for speaking up with the two thoughts that I had on my mind. One was following God instead of making decisions that others think are best for me and the other was about being patient in waiting for my husband. Me speaking up was TRULY a big step for me and its because God is working on me being more transparent. He is placing people in my life for me to learn from and have life poured into me but I have to be willing to share bits of myself with those people and all of it with God. It's so funny that Leah prayed over me and said God gave her a word about me giving Him my all. Giving God all of me and being totally dependent on Him and Him alone. I was floored because that's exactly what I struggle with. Man, He is always right there speaking. Even Taina spoke a word about putting yourself in the path with people that are higher thinkers, not like minded thinkers. Put yourself with people who have been there, done that and can speak from experience, not people that are walking the same path as you because what can you learn from that?
Iron truly sharpens iron. Those that have been there and those that are still there have provided me with some knowledge beyond my imagination. I am so thankful for my Victory family and my community of believers that don't mind calling me out on my crap. People that don't mind holding me accountable and asking those hard questions. People that I can share my fears and concerns with and have them teach me how to speak blessings over my life, my family, my future. God is definitely moving, in more ways than one.
Monday, November 1, 2010
25 Things about Me
I would like to think I am probably one of the lamest people around. No, seriously. I think my life is rather average, nothing really exciting going on right now, pretty routine. Now do I like that? Absolutely NOT!! So ready for a change of pace, something to shake things up. So I decided to see if I can come up with 25 interesting things about me. Here goes.
1. I was born in a car. Yes, I was born in a Buick La Sabre on a hot summer day in June. My godmother, Frances Washington delivered my in the back of the car, which is why my name is Frances instead of Tamika. Kinda glad too.
2. I love burnt popcorn. I don't know if that is interesting or not but I think it's one of those quirky things people tend to keep to themselves. Whenever I make microwaved popcorn, I purposefully leave it in too long and I always have to run outside to open the bag so the house doesn't smell.
3. I am a parent who feels rather clueless some days about being a parent. I don't think I am a bad parent, but I am to the point where I can admit, I don't have all the answers and I don't always know what I am doing. Most days, I hope the kids get through the day in one piece.
4. I absolutely love Jesus. I guess this should be first but I am just going off the top of my head. I often feel pretty new to being a true follower of Christ and still feel rather wet behind the ears. My small group leader gave me the biggest boost of confidence when she suggested I be a mentor next year. Guess I am maturing in the Spirit after all.
5. I don't always trust God. Right now, me and God are not really on the best speaking terms. I'm not mad at Him and He definitely isn't mad at me. I'm just having a tough time really trusting Him to be my all. Totally my own hang up and I am working through it.
6. Some days, I get so depressed I don't even want to get out of bed...and I don't. I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression back in 2003. Did the whole counseling and Prozac thing for a while. I do have rare times where life seems to gets the best of me and really leaves me empty. I've learned the whole mind over matter thing and now I simply turn my cares over to God. Even with all that, some days, I do just need some hours to recharge and regroup. I have realized that when I get to that point, God is really telling me to slow down. After a day of rest, I am back on the grind.
7. There are days when I miss Ryan. I am happy that he has this new chapter in his life, but I am fearful of the decisions that he makes because I know they are not always his. I know God totally spared me from him because He knew that Ryan was not His best for me and for that I am grateful. But I do miss my friend Ryan, not boyfriend Ryan. We share some of the happiest times I can remember and he was there during many of my darkest days. Part of me always thought he and I would finally get our act together and make it work but the bigger part of me knew that was not the right path.
8. I have slept with married men. There was Tyran, who I had no clue was married. He taught me that some married me do cheat and cheat often with no remorse. There was Joshua, the part of my past that still makes me smile to this day. Not the cheating part but just what we shared when we were kids. Looking back, he and I had the strongest soul tie that took the longest to break. We made the mistake of giving into temptation which was truly a once in a life time chance. And there was Maurice, again, had no clue he was married. When we met, I knew he had a girlfriend and back then, that really wasn't that big of a deal to me. Encountering him again out of the blue 2 years later, the girlfriend had been upgraded to wife. Didn't realize that until he forgot to take off his wedding ring before he came over. He was the breaking point that I brought myself to before I knew God needed to seriously intervene in my life. Haven't been with anyone since Maurice. December 28, 2010 will be one year celibate.
9. I sometimes think that I may never get married. I am always being told that God has the perfect mate for me. I should wait and be patient and keep my focus on God and my husband will find me. Patience isn't my strongest trait but I am learning how to be patient. Am I supposed to sit back and wait or am I supposed to go out and make myself available so that I can be found? I could go on and on on this one.
10. I have a fear of frogs. I mean a terrifying, panic attack inducing fear of frogs. I don't even know where this fear came from but it is absolutely ridiculous.
11. My favorite movie the world is Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Corny I know but it was the very first movie I saw in the movie theater when I was in the second grade.
12. I am a bit of a nerd. I love reading and have finally gotten my passion for writing back. I had a wicked case of writers block for 10 years so here I am. I am my own worst critic and never really think I am any good at it. Barnes and Noble is like my own little piece of Heaven on Earth.
13. I have developed a heart for sex trafficking victims and sometimes wish I could save them all. I have to remind myself that my job isn't to save the world but to help train up our Father's army to help change the world.
14. I have an absolute fear of public speaking. I do not like speaking in front of people at all. This is more of a hindrance on what I ultimately want to do in the near future which is lead a small group. God is slowly working on me to release my fear but it's a work in progress. It's funny because people think I am so social and outgoing when I really am not!
15. I secretly love to cook but usually don't have time nor budget to really cook like I want to. I am addicted to Food Network and the Cooking Channel. Unfortunately, I have picky children who would rather eat hot dogs and tacos everyday as opposed to a full meal.
16. I actually don't have very many regrets in my life. My life has been filled with heartache and triumph but I don't think I would actually trade my experiences for anyone else's.
17. I have not had sex since December 28, 2009 and I have not had a boyfriend in a year and a half. This is the longest time for both of those for me but this has been the most freeing and rewarding season in my life. Letting go of sex wasn't as hard as I thought it would be since it was already something I had detached myself from mentally a long time ago, just not physically. Not having companionship has been the hard part but that just meant I needed to learn to lean on my Savior more. Enjoying the ride.
18. I don't have a very good relationship with my mother or my grandmother. I can see how the generational curse is evident in my family and I am not quite sure how to break that. My mother has not always been the best mother and has her own demons she is battling. My grandmother has always been one for pointing out the bad in everything instead of find something good. I often thank God for softening and transforming my heart so that I don't walk in their footsteps.
19. God answer my prayers in a big way in 2006. I was pregnant with my son Aiden and I asked God to keep my great grandmother Elizabeth alive long enough so she could meet him. She wasn't ill or anything, just old. She was born in 1906, so I knew she wasn't gonna be around too much longer. I felt like, if she didn't meet Aiden, my world just wouldn't be right and I would have completely lost it. My brother, sister and I all had babies that summer. Caury was born June 9, Kameron was born August 3 and Aiden was born September 19. My great grandmother died on December 9, 2006. She got to see all of the great great grand kids before she died. I think because I know God let her hold on as long as she did, I was able to handle her death a lot better than expected.
20. I think God is calling me to work with sex abuse victims. I have always heard that your purpose can be rooted in your pain. As a survivor of sexual abuse, I can see that (first time mentioning this. Wow). I sometimes wonder if I was one of the lucky ones whose life was semi-spared from the jacked up reality a lot of kids face after suffering from abuse. I was caught up in the spirit of sexual sin for years but thankfully, Christ has freed me from that strong hold as well as showing me a love that transcends all understanding. I am no different from the victims that still battle demons, just a bit more healed and renewed.
21. I don't really know if I want more kids. Having a kid at 17, then another at 25 kinda has me jaded. Real talk. I've been a parent for 12 years and after doing it alone for so long, I think I am tired. Of course this is me speaking without the thought of marriage entering the equation. If I ever get married, that tune will probably change but I would need to be reassured and convinced that we both are in for the long haul. Divorce is real and being a single mom with more kids just isn't something I am envisioning.
22. I want to be a missionary. As crazy as it sounds, I really do. Traveling to foreign countries spreading the gospel seems astounding. Never even been on one mission trip (hoping for Peru in 2011) but for some reason, I have this strong desire to be in the mission field.
23. I want to be a writer full time. I have always loved writing but being a teen mom kinda makes you be a bit more realistic with your career aspirations. I put my dream on a permanent hold and sometimes wonder if I had a different path in life, what kind of books would I have written. Now I am a lover of the mind and helping the wounded well with counseling, but I think more writing is on the horizon.
24. I absolutely love Victory World Church and Fusion. That church and that ministry have literally saved my life. I truly don't know where I would be had I not taken that leap and come to Victory. I know God is totally working in my favor to restore what has been broken and give me this amazingly abundant life. I have found some of the most amazing friends and developed a community that keeps me on my toes and just in awe of God's power.
25. I think I am a pretty good friend. My longest friendship has been going 16 years strong and Kisha and I still talk every day like we live right around the corner. I cherish my friends dearly and I am so grateful God is placing more and more people in my life to keep me grounded and sane. From the people I met in Jr. High school to the new faces I meet every week, I am grateful.
I actually didn't think I could come up with 25 things. Guess when I stopped trying to follow a formula and just started being real, I was able to be more transparent and real with myself. Blogging is so therapeutic.
1. I was born in a car. Yes, I was born in a Buick La Sabre on a hot summer day in June. My godmother, Frances Washington delivered my in the back of the car, which is why my name is Frances instead of Tamika. Kinda glad too.
2. I love burnt popcorn. I don't know if that is interesting or not but I think it's one of those quirky things people tend to keep to themselves. Whenever I make microwaved popcorn, I purposefully leave it in too long and I always have to run outside to open the bag so the house doesn't smell.
3. I am a parent who feels rather clueless some days about being a parent. I don't think I am a bad parent, but I am to the point where I can admit, I don't have all the answers and I don't always know what I am doing. Most days, I hope the kids get through the day in one piece.
4. I absolutely love Jesus. I guess this should be first but I am just going off the top of my head. I often feel pretty new to being a true follower of Christ and still feel rather wet behind the ears. My small group leader gave me the biggest boost of confidence when she suggested I be a mentor next year. Guess I am maturing in the Spirit after all.
5. I don't always trust God. Right now, me and God are not really on the best speaking terms. I'm not mad at Him and He definitely isn't mad at me. I'm just having a tough time really trusting Him to be my all. Totally my own hang up and I am working through it.
6. Some days, I get so depressed I don't even want to get out of bed...and I don't. I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression back in 2003. Did the whole counseling and Prozac thing for a while. I do have rare times where life seems to gets the best of me and really leaves me empty. I've learned the whole mind over matter thing and now I simply turn my cares over to God. Even with all that, some days, I do just need some hours to recharge and regroup. I have realized that when I get to that point, God is really telling me to slow down. After a day of rest, I am back on the grind.
7. There are days when I miss Ryan. I am happy that he has this new chapter in his life, but I am fearful of the decisions that he makes because I know they are not always his. I know God totally spared me from him because He knew that Ryan was not His best for me and for that I am grateful. But I do miss my friend Ryan, not boyfriend Ryan. We share some of the happiest times I can remember and he was there during many of my darkest days. Part of me always thought he and I would finally get our act together and make it work but the bigger part of me knew that was not the right path.
8. I have slept with married men. There was Tyran, who I had no clue was married. He taught me that some married me do cheat and cheat often with no remorse. There was Joshua, the part of my past that still makes me smile to this day. Not the cheating part but just what we shared when we were kids. Looking back, he and I had the strongest soul tie that took the longest to break. We made the mistake of giving into temptation which was truly a once in a life time chance. And there was Maurice, again, had no clue he was married. When we met, I knew he had a girlfriend and back then, that really wasn't that big of a deal to me. Encountering him again out of the blue 2 years later, the girlfriend had been upgraded to wife. Didn't realize that until he forgot to take off his wedding ring before he came over. He was the breaking point that I brought myself to before I knew God needed to seriously intervene in my life. Haven't been with anyone since Maurice. December 28, 2010 will be one year celibate.
9. I sometimes think that I may never get married. I am always being told that God has the perfect mate for me. I should wait and be patient and keep my focus on God and my husband will find me. Patience isn't my strongest trait but I am learning how to be patient. Am I supposed to sit back and wait or am I supposed to go out and make myself available so that I can be found? I could go on and on on this one.
10. I have a fear of frogs. I mean a terrifying, panic attack inducing fear of frogs. I don't even know where this fear came from but it is absolutely ridiculous.
11. My favorite movie the world is Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Corny I know but it was the very first movie I saw in the movie theater when I was in the second grade.
12. I am a bit of a nerd. I love reading and have finally gotten my passion for writing back. I had a wicked case of writers block for 10 years so here I am. I am my own worst critic and never really think I am any good at it. Barnes and Noble is like my own little piece of Heaven on Earth.
13. I have developed a heart for sex trafficking victims and sometimes wish I could save them all. I have to remind myself that my job isn't to save the world but to help train up our Father's army to help change the world.
14. I have an absolute fear of public speaking. I do not like speaking in front of people at all. This is more of a hindrance on what I ultimately want to do in the near future which is lead a small group. God is slowly working on me to release my fear but it's a work in progress. It's funny because people think I am so social and outgoing when I really am not!
15. I secretly love to cook but usually don't have time nor budget to really cook like I want to. I am addicted to Food Network and the Cooking Channel. Unfortunately, I have picky children who would rather eat hot dogs and tacos everyday as opposed to a full meal.
16. I actually don't have very many regrets in my life. My life has been filled with heartache and triumph but I don't think I would actually trade my experiences for anyone else's.
17. I have not had sex since December 28, 2009 and I have not had a boyfriend in a year and a half. This is the longest time for both of those for me but this has been the most freeing and rewarding season in my life. Letting go of sex wasn't as hard as I thought it would be since it was already something I had detached myself from mentally a long time ago, just not physically. Not having companionship has been the hard part but that just meant I needed to learn to lean on my Savior more. Enjoying the ride.
18. I don't have a very good relationship with my mother or my grandmother. I can see how the generational curse is evident in my family and I am not quite sure how to break that. My mother has not always been the best mother and has her own demons she is battling. My grandmother has always been one for pointing out the bad in everything instead of find something good. I often thank God for softening and transforming my heart so that I don't walk in their footsteps.
19. God answer my prayers in a big way in 2006. I was pregnant with my son Aiden and I asked God to keep my great grandmother Elizabeth alive long enough so she could meet him. She wasn't ill or anything, just old. She was born in 1906, so I knew she wasn't gonna be around too much longer. I felt like, if she didn't meet Aiden, my world just wouldn't be right and I would have completely lost it. My brother, sister and I all had babies that summer. Caury was born June 9, Kameron was born August 3 and Aiden was born September 19. My great grandmother died on December 9, 2006. She got to see all of the great great grand kids before she died. I think because I know God let her hold on as long as she did, I was able to handle her death a lot better than expected.
20. I think God is calling me to work with sex abuse victims. I have always heard that your purpose can be rooted in your pain. As a survivor of sexual abuse, I can see that (first time mentioning this. Wow). I sometimes wonder if I was one of the lucky ones whose life was semi-spared from the jacked up reality a lot of kids face after suffering from abuse. I was caught up in the spirit of sexual sin for years but thankfully, Christ has freed me from that strong hold as well as showing me a love that transcends all understanding. I am no different from the victims that still battle demons, just a bit more healed and renewed.
21. I don't really know if I want more kids. Having a kid at 17, then another at 25 kinda has me jaded. Real talk. I've been a parent for 12 years and after doing it alone for so long, I think I am tired. Of course this is me speaking without the thought of marriage entering the equation. If I ever get married, that tune will probably change but I would need to be reassured and convinced that we both are in for the long haul. Divorce is real and being a single mom with more kids just isn't something I am envisioning.
22. I want to be a missionary. As crazy as it sounds, I really do. Traveling to foreign countries spreading the gospel seems astounding. Never even been on one mission trip (hoping for Peru in 2011) but for some reason, I have this strong desire to be in the mission field.
23. I want to be a writer full time. I have always loved writing but being a teen mom kinda makes you be a bit more realistic with your career aspirations. I put my dream on a permanent hold and sometimes wonder if I had a different path in life, what kind of books would I have written. Now I am a lover of the mind and helping the wounded well with counseling, but I think more writing is on the horizon.
24. I absolutely love Victory World Church and Fusion. That church and that ministry have literally saved my life. I truly don't know where I would be had I not taken that leap and come to Victory. I know God is totally working in my favor to restore what has been broken and give me this amazingly abundant life. I have found some of the most amazing friends and developed a community that keeps me on my toes and just in awe of God's power.
25. I think I am a pretty good friend. My longest friendship has been going 16 years strong and Kisha and I still talk every day like we live right around the corner. I cherish my friends dearly and I am so grateful God is placing more and more people in my life to keep me grounded and sane. From the people I met in Jr. High school to the new faces I meet every week, I am grateful.
I actually didn't think I could come up with 25 things. Guess when I stopped trying to follow a formula and just started being real, I was able to be more transparent and real with myself. Blogging is so therapeutic.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Such A Time As This
I can't remember the exact season that I was in, but at some point in my life, I lost my passion for writing. I could remember a time when books and writing were the absolute most exciting and positive thing in my life as a child. I had imaginary stories and characters that were my escape from my everyday routine. I loved it.
Then life happened. Puberty hit. Boys started to take notice of me. I started to take notice of them. Writing became less important. Only something I did for assignments. The passion was slowly fading away. Then high school hit, peer pressure, the need for acceptance, the need to feel loved, the need to feel anything. My passion for creative writing had died. Home life wasn't great, so I used my friends as an escape. When they didn't fill that void, I found my escape in the boys that told me I was pretty. I traded my passion and desire for writing, for just passion and desire. Bad choice.
Fast forward a decade and some change and about 100 million bad mistakes, and now I am on the other side of the fence. After 2 kids and years of searching for someone to fill that void, I found the light at the end of that dark and lonely tunnel. I found my Father...well more like I stopped running from Him and let Him catch me. We have a simple pact: Give Him all of my junk and He will love me like crazy. I don't have to go out of my way to please Him and He loves me past the hurt and dirt I brought with me.
My journey for righteousness started in July 2009 when God spoke to me for the very first time, in my drive way when I was straight raising hell with someone, but that's for another post. I came to Victory in mid August of 2009 and never left. I mean literally never left. I hit the ground running absorbing everything He had to offer as well as everything Victory had to offer. I was thirsty, anxious to change my life and change the world.
But He said "wait." Yeah, I didn't get that either. He wanted to teach me how to trust Him and allow Him to guide my steps. Not an easy feat for someone who is used to be in control. So I stepped back from the driver's side of my life, allowed God to work on mending my heart and I waited. Just wasn't sure what for.
Then it happened. God wanted me to write a letter to Aiden's dad. Took me 2 days to figure out what to say that didn't involve attitude. But by the time the pen hit the paper, I had written a 2 page letter with words that I swear to this day I didn't write. Kinda like the Holy Spirit took over and replace my anger with words of calm, focus, control and sincerity. I gave him the letter in obedience and never heard a word about it.
Then it happened again. God had me sharing scriptures on peace, faith, wisdom, His love,and forgiveness with Aiden's dad. I found articles and devotionals to send to him. It was working cause God was getting through to him.
Then it happened again! I prayed for boldness to spread God's love to people around me that needed it. God said "write letters." I wrote out 5 heartfelt letters of God's love and devotion to friends I knew needed that bit of encouragement. God said "now write one to Aiden's dad." I said no. God convicted my heart by showing me a vision of Aiden's dad crying in his car. My heart broke and after a week of stalling, I allowed the Holy Spirit to order my words to write the letter. I felt freedom when I delivered that letter though we never spoke about it.
Fast forward a couple of months to just 2 days ago and it finally hit me. God was preparing me for such a time as this. He ignited a spark in me to recognize my gift...writing. My Father said wait and trust Him and in my obedience, He promised to release blessings and great power to me. He wants me to touch hearts and change the world with words. He wants me to be bold and speak of His loves to those that need it and will receive it and to those that need it and won't receive it.
Such a time as this. Jake Hamilton's song The Anthem spoke to my heart during worship this afternoon. God prepared me to re-ignite that passion, my gift that had been there all along. He prepared me to be obedient and still speak of His love, His promise, His truth, His heartbreak, even for those that might not receive it. For such a time as this. People can turn a blind eye to what's going around them, but words tend to pierce hearts a bit better. You have to process words into sentences and paint that picture in your head. That's God planting a seed. God wants me to help plant seeds even if I never see the plants grow. And I'm alright with that because He still gets the praise and glory.
Then life happened. Puberty hit. Boys started to take notice of me. I started to take notice of them. Writing became less important. Only something I did for assignments. The passion was slowly fading away. Then high school hit, peer pressure, the need for acceptance, the need to feel loved, the need to feel anything. My passion for creative writing had died. Home life wasn't great, so I used my friends as an escape. When they didn't fill that void, I found my escape in the boys that told me I was pretty. I traded my passion and desire for writing, for just passion and desire. Bad choice.
Fast forward a decade and some change and about 100 million bad mistakes, and now I am on the other side of the fence. After 2 kids and years of searching for someone to fill that void, I found the light at the end of that dark and lonely tunnel. I found my Father...well more like I stopped running from Him and let Him catch me. We have a simple pact: Give Him all of my junk and He will love me like crazy. I don't have to go out of my way to please Him and He loves me past the hurt and dirt I brought with me.
My journey for righteousness started in July 2009 when God spoke to me for the very first time, in my drive way when I was straight raising hell with someone, but that's for another post. I came to Victory in mid August of 2009 and never left. I mean literally never left. I hit the ground running absorbing everything He had to offer as well as everything Victory had to offer. I was thirsty, anxious to change my life and change the world.
But He said "wait." Yeah, I didn't get that either. He wanted to teach me how to trust Him and allow Him to guide my steps. Not an easy feat for someone who is used to be in control. So I stepped back from the driver's side of my life, allowed God to work on mending my heart and I waited. Just wasn't sure what for.
Then it happened. God wanted me to write a letter to Aiden's dad. Took me 2 days to figure out what to say that didn't involve attitude. But by the time the pen hit the paper, I had written a 2 page letter with words that I swear to this day I didn't write. Kinda like the Holy Spirit took over and replace my anger with words of calm, focus, control and sincerity. I gave him the letter in obedience and never heard a word about it.
Then it happened again. God had me sharing scriptures on peace, faith, wisdom, His love,and forgiveness with Aiden's dad. I found articles and devotionals to send to him. It was working cause God was getting through to him.
Then it happened again! I prayed for boldness to spread God's love to people around me that needed it. God said "write letters." I wrote out 5 heartfelt letters of God's love and devotion to friends I knew needed that bit of encouragement. God said "now write one to Aiden's dad." I said no. God convicted my heart by showing me a vision of Aiden's dad crying in his car. My heart broke and after a week of stalling, I allowed the Holy Spirit to order my words to write the letter. I felt freedom when I delivered that letter though we never spoke about it.
Fast forward a couple of months to just 2 days ago and it finally hit me. God was preparing me for such a time as this. He ignited a spark in me to recognize my gift...writing. My Father said wait and trust Him and in my obedience, He promised to release blessings and great power to me. He wants me to touch hearts and change the world with words. He wants me to be bold and speak of His loves to those that need it and will receive it and to those that need it and won't receive it.
Such a time as this. Jake Hamilton's song The Anthem spoke to my heart during worship this afternoon. God prepared me to re-ignite that passion, my gift that had been there all along. He prepared me to be obedient and still speak of His love, His promise, His truth, His heartbreak, even for those that might not receive it. For such a time as this. People can turn a blind eye to what's going around them, but words tend to pierce hearts a bit better. You have to process words into sentences and paint that picture in your head. That's God planting a seed. God wants me to help plant seeds even if I never see the plants grow. And I'm alright with that because He still gets the praise and glory.
Friday, July 16, 2010
You Make Everything Glorious
I took the title of this post from a David Crowder Band song I heard on the way home. I am sure I have heard it a few times but today it just seemed to speak right to me. The words were a bit more clear as if I was meant to hear them. God is funny like that sometimes. I don't think I was in a state where I needed that bit of reassurance. Or maybe I was now that I think about it. I have been thinking of somethings lately. Ok, God, you win. Thanks for the unexpected bit of comfort. You rock.
The lyrics stood out more than everything.
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am yours
What does that make me?
God makes everything glorious...even us. We are made in His image so if He is already glorious, we get His glory and righteousness by default. We belong to the living Savior and it is by His grace that we have been saved and made whole again. He loves us, He delights in us, He wants to shower us with the one true and perfect love.
So why doesn't everyone get this? Why don't we all let God's love dwell in our hearts and minds and not be consumed by the desires of the flesh? Why don't we simply accept His free, no strings attached love instead of giving away every bit of ourselves to carnal desires, only to be left broken. Why don't we all know that we are already glorious?
The world shows us that we must seek love and acceptance. We must date around, have sex, run a muck and live life to the fullest to find true happiness. We must lose ourselves in relationships, submit to the desires of our heart in order to feel love. We have to have someone complete us. Women have to flirt and dress sexy to get the attention of men. Men have to treat women like objects instead of precious rubies. We have to put on our best face and sometimes ignore obvious red flags for the sake of having someone in our lives. We have to give into our own desires or the desires of others in order to prove our love. And if it doesn't work out, we break up, nurse our wounds for a while until the next one comes along. Notice I said nurse our wounds cause rarely do we let those wounds heal before we rip the band aid off and let someone else get subjected to our infections.
Gross I know, but how true does it all sound? Been there, done that.
Sometimes it's hard to break habits that we have grown accustomed to. Trust me, I was that girl that dressed sexy and gave myself away to men in the hopes that they would give me love back. If that's you, I can save you the wasted time and heartache. I know how the story ends and trust me, it isn't good. Man, was that a hard lesson learned. But, I did learn and am thankful for knowing my worth to God.
The world we live in does an awesome job of helping us buy into the enemy's lie that sexual immorality, idolatry, greed and a host of other sins are the key to happiness. Sex sells. Sex is in the music we listen to, the televisions shows and movies we watch, the books we read. Everywhere. Romantic comedies have women swooning over happily ever after, unrealistic expectations of men that usually leave women disappointed when things don't end up like the movies. It life were like the Notebook, there would be far more happy couples in the world.
But God makes everything glorious. Even me. Even you. To Him, your past does not matter. He just wants your heart. No strings attached. No putting on your best face to impress Him. He wants you just the way you are, even if you are a bit broken and bruised. No wondering if He likes you. Trust me, He loves every bit of you. No pressure, no awkward "where is this going" conversation. He wants to shower you with treasures and blessings beyond your imagination and with a love that transcends all understanding. That sounds sweeter than any romance movie I've seen.
And all He wants is your heart. Cause you are already glorious. You are already His beloved.
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