So I have decided to start blogging over at WordPress from now on. The format is more convenient and versatile in my opinion and less hassle with some of the glitches in blogger like my sidebar dropping to the bottom of the page.
Since I will be creating a new blog on a more focused subject in the near future, the convenience and compatibility with the latest technology in the blogosphere is necessary.
Check me out at The Living Letter Chronicles.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
2 Years Ago Today...
2 years ago today, I found myself at a Fusion service that changed my life. For real changed my life. September 9, 2009...a day I won't forget.
Fusion had recently kicked off the Naked and Unashamed series and I had only been to maybe 2 services. But I was hooked. I loved it. Loved the worship, the people (even though I really didn't know anyone), the energy, and the fact that they were talking about relationships (one of my favorite topics). For some reason, I knew going into service that something was different. Earlier that day, I was at work listening to the God on Mute series. I got to the last message of the series and heard a woman named Angela give her testimony. She had an incredible story of sexual abuse, brokenness, despair and redemption. I was in tears by the time it was over because her story sounded like mine. I was thinking to myself how I wish I could meet Angela because her bravery in telling her story did something to me that made me want that type of freedom.
I get to service and Pastor Johnson and his wife Summer talk about healing from heartbreak. Healing from all the sins, scars and shame we carried around. I felt a tug in my heart.
Summer was transparent that night and revealed her own story of abuse and how it plagued her early on in her marriage. I was in awe. The pastor's wife had a story like mine? That's not supposed to happen! Pastors don't have issues like that. Us regular broken people do, not people called to preach the Good News. But I needed to hear her story that night. I needed to hear Angela's story that day.
I needed to know I was not alone and that being whole and healed was possible.
Pastor Johnson did an alter call. There was a cross on both sides of the stage and there were little blue slips of paper. He asked us to write down all of our sins, nail them to the cross, accept Jesus if we hadn't already and let Him set us free from bondage. I remember sitting in my seat with my blue slip of paper kind of embarrassed because I had a lot of sin in my life. Abuse, fornication, pornography, babies out of wedlock, lying, abortion, infidelity, insecurity, pride, brokenness, low self esteem, lack of faith, hopelessness, worthlessness, fear, abandonment issues, mommy and daddy issues, codependency.
Could Jesus really accept me with all my dirt and shameful ways? There is no way He could forgive me with ALL the stuff I had done. I was too scared to write everything down because it would fill up the whole paper! But then I remembered Summer and Angela. Both had shame in their past, both allowed God to heal them and now they are telling other people that He can do the same for them. Maybe He could save me from myself.
As the band played, I wrote out my sins, folded my piece of paper and stood in line to get to the cross. I was nervous and anxious but felt like I was making the right decision. The closer I got to the cross, the harder it was to hold back the tears. With every step closer, it felt like I was getting lighter and lighter. I had no clue what was happening to me. As I nailed that little blue piece of paper to that cross with tears pouring out of my eyes, I knew that this was the start of something new. I felt such a peace and a calm come over me as I stood before the cross. At some point, I stopped hearing the music play. I stopped hearing the people around me cry out to God. I stopped hearing Johnson shout for us to be set free.
In that moment, I met Jesus at the cross. I laid all my sins before Him to see. I could no longer keep going holding on them. And He took them all and gave me freedom. He released me from shame, guilt, hurt, and fear. I accepted salvation and He accepted the bruised and broken girl before Him. It was an amazing experience, one that I will never forget.
As soon as I got home, I emailed Summer and thanked her for sharing her story and explained all that had happened to me that night. To my surprise she emailed me back minutes later excited right along with me. Then to my absolute surprise, Johnson emailed me and asked if he could put my testimony on the Fusion Facebook page. I agreed because I learned the power of your testimony. Wonder if its still up there?
A couple of days later, I ran into my small group leader Lee. I told her about the amazing experience at the cross and Angela's testimony. I went on and on about how hearing her story just rocked my world and I wished I could meet her and thank her. With a smirk on her face, Lee told me that I was talking about Angela Kaupe, who just happened to be her friend and accountability. The following service, I got the chance to meet Angela and give her a big tear fulled hug. She was so nice and was absolutely glowing because her and her husband Mike were expecting a baby.
Here I am 2 years later and I couldn't be more happy about deciding to take Jesus up on His offer. Been a long yet AMAZING 2 year journey and He is still blowing my mind with His faithfulness. It's funny that one testimony started it all for me and now my heart has been burdened to create an outlet for others to share their testimonies and set more people free.
Wow...it's all making sense now. To be continued...
Fusion had recently kicked off the Naked and Unashamed series and I had only been to maybe 2 services. But I was hooked. I loved it. Loved the worship, the people (even though I really didn't know anyone), the energy, and the fact that they were talking about relationships (one of my favorite topics). For some reason, I knew going into service that something was different. Earlier that day, I was at work listening to the God on Mute series. I got to the last message of the series and heard a woman named Angela give her testimony. She had an incredible story of sexual abuse, brokenness, despair and redemption. I was in tears by the time it was over because her story sounded like mine. I was thinking to myself how I wish I could meet Angela because her bravery in telling her story did something to me that made me want that type of freedom.
I get to service and Pastor Johnson and his wife Summer talk about healing from heartbreak. Healing from all the sins, scars and shame we carried around. I felt a tug in my heart.
Summer was transparent that night and revealed her own story of abuse and how it plagued her early on in her marriage. I was in awe. The pastor's wife had a story like mine? That's not supposed to happen! Pastors don't have issues like that. Us regular broken people do, not people called to preach the Good News. But I needed to hear her story that night. I needed to hear Angela's story that day.
I needed to know I was not alone and that being whole and healed was possible.
Pastor Johnson did an alter call. There was a cross on both sides of the stage and there were little blue slips of paper. He asked us to write down all of our sins, nail them to the cross, accept Jesus if we hadn't already and let Him set us free from bondage. I remember sitting in my seat with my blue slip of paper kind of embarrassed because I had a lot of sin in my life. Abuse, fornication, pornography, babies out of wedlock, lying, abortion, infidelity, insecurity, pride, brokenness, low self esteem, lack of faith, hopelessness, worthlessness, fear, abandonment issues, mommy and daddy issues, codependency.
Could Jesus really accept me with all my dirt and shameful ways? There is no way He could forgive me with ALL the stuff I had done. I was too scared to write everything down because it would fill up the whole paper! But then I remembered Summer and Angela. Both had shame in their past, both allowed God to heal them and now they are telling other people that He can do the same for them. Maybe He could save me from myself.
As the band played, I wrote out my sins, folded my piece of paper and stood in line to get to the cross. I was nervous and anxious but felt like I was making the right decision. The closer I got to the cross, the harder it was to hold back the tears. With every step closer, it felt like I was getting lighter and lighter. I had no clue what was happening to me. As I nailed that little blue piece of paper to that cross with tears pouring out of my eyes, I knew that this was the start of something new. I felt such a peace and a calm come over me as I stood before the cross. At some point, I stopped hearing the music play. I stopped hearing the people around me cry out to God. I stopped hearing Johnson shout for us to be set free.
In that moment, I met Jesus at the cross. I laid all my sins before Him to see. I could no longer keep going holding on them. And He took them all and gave me freedom. He released me from shame, guilt, hurt, and fear. I accepted salvation and He accepted the bruised and broken girl before Him. It was an amazing experience, one that I will never forget.
As soon as I got home, I emailed Summer and thanked her for sharing her story and explained all that had happened to me that night. To my surprise she emailed me back minutes later excited right along with me. Then to my absolute surprise, Johnson emailed me and asked if he could put my testimony on the Fusion Facebook page. I agreed because I learned the power of your testimony. Wonder if its still up there?
A couple of days later, I ran into my small group leader Lee. I told her about the amazing experience at the cross and Angela's testimony. I went on and on about how hearing her story just rocked my world and I wished I could meet her and thank her. With a smirk on her face, Lee told me that I was talking about Angela Kaupe, who just happened to be her friend and accountability. The following service, I got the chance to meet Angela and give her a big tear fulled hug. She was so nice and was absolutely glowing because her and her husband Mike were expecting a baby.
Here I am 2 years later and I couldn't be more happy about deciding to take Jesus up on His offer. Been a long yet AMAZING 2 year journey and He is still blowing my mind with His faithfulness. It's funny that one testimony started it all for me and now my heart has been burdened to create an outlet for others to share their testimonies and set more people free.
Wow...it's all making sense now. To be continued...
Remembering September 11, 2001
In 2 days, the nation will be observing the 10th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks. It's hard to believe that 10 years have passed because that day is etched so vividly in my head. For my generation, asking someone where they were on 9/11 is almost like asking our parents generation where they were when JFK was shot. This was one of those events that changes the heart of a nation and a generation.
The morning of 9/11 was like any other Tuesday. I was working at Sprint in their call center near Cumberland mall. We were taking our usual customer service calls like we did every single day. Around the center were monitors that updated us whenever their were any network issues so that we can be prepared for the influx of calls that may come in from certain areas. A little after 8:30 AM, I noticed that we were getting a lot of calls from the New York area. We got calls from all over the country so it usually wasn't a big deal to get a New York customer but it seemed like every agent was getting nothing but New York calls that would lose connection. The monitors flashed the latest update saying there were reports of network outages in the NY Tri State area.
That's when everything fell apart. That's when I heard the muffled screams in the background of the few calls that did make it through. None of us had any idea of the sheer pandemonium that was going on as we listened to callers saying they couldn't make calls and that the city was under attack. For us, we realized that because people couldn't make calls, some were able to get through to customer service. I remember the call from the young woman with the sound of fear and panic in her voice that said a plane hit one of the Towers. I could hear people screaming and things crashing in the background. I knew it couldn't be a real call. Who flies a plane into a building?
Then I heard someone say the word "hijack."
After that startling call, I looked around at my co-workers and saw the looks of confusion on many of their faces. What in the world was going on in the New York area? A few of us headed towards to the break room to check the news channels. People were already crowded around watching the CNN coverage of the first tower in flames. Not 2 minutes after I walked into the break room, I witnessed the live feed of the second plane hitting the tower. Everyone gasped and it seemed like we held our breath for an eternity.
This could not be real. I just watched a plane fly full speed into a skyscraper. A skyscraper filled with people. People. Flames. Smoke. Debris. People. Death. Destruction. People. People. People. What was going to happen to all those people in those towers? For the next several hours, I sat still and watched the footage. I watched both towers fall. I felt my heart literally breaking in my chest at the idea of all those people in those massive towers. I watched the images of people jumping to their deaths out of buildings. So many people. So much destruction.
Why? How? Why? What had we done to deserve this?
I don't remember much else of that work day because all of the calls stopped. No one was worried about a late bill or overage charges because every thought was on what our nation had just experienced. I went home that afternoon, turned on the television, and sat and watch CNN until the sun came up that next morning. The towers had fallen. The Pentagon had a gaping, flaming hole from another plane that was hijacked. A forth plane was in a million pieces in a field in Pennsylvania. I watched it all. I had to make sure what I was watching was real. I felt like if I got out of my seat, or turned the channel, or even blinked too long, I would realize I was dreaming and that I had made it all up in my head. I was frozen in time. If I went to sleep I would hear that woman's voice in my ear saying a plane hit the towers. I would replay the footage of the second plane hitting the tower over and over in my head. I couldn't sleep...and I didn't for the next 3 days.
For the next few days, I felt like I was underwater. I couldn't see clearly. I couldn't hear clearly. Everything felt jumbled. I was on auto pilot. You would have thought I was in New York and had witnessed everything first hand. You would have thought I had lost my whole family in the towers. I was that shaken up. Not where it was noticeable on the outside, but in my mind and heart, I was a wreck. After 3 days, I decided I couldn't torture myself with the round the clock commentary and gruesome images. I stopped watching TV cause every channel in the nation was talking about it. Even the Food Network went off air. I was brokenhearted for my nation and for every person who lost their life and I was fearful of what was to happen next. The US was at their weakest point and open for move severe attacks.
At some point, life started getting back to normal for me. The fog lifted though never completely went away. The anxiety and sleeplessness decreased. Atlanta went back on with business though people were a bit kinder in the days and weeks to follow. People smiled at you more. People said hi a bit more. People donated blood and collected supplies. People started to develop a sense of pride and honor for the US and for that brief moment in time, everyone was on the same page.
This was our country and we were going to stand strong and united.
The morning of 9/11 was like any other Tuesday. I was working at Sprint in their call center near Cumberland mall. We were taking our usual customer service calls like we did every single day. Around the center were monitors that updated us whenever their were any network issues so that we can be prepared for the influx of calls that may come in from certain areas. A little after 8:30 AM, I noticed that we were getting a lot of calls from the New York area. We got calls from all over the country so it usually wasn't a big deal to get a New York customer but it seemed like every agent was getting nothing but New York calls that would lose connection. The monitors flashed the latest update saying there were reports of network outages in the NY Tri State area.
That's when everything fell apart. That's when I heard the muffled screams in the background of the few calls that did make it through. None of us had any idea of the sheer pandemonium that was going on as we listened to callers saying they couldn't make calls and that the city was under attack. For us, we realized that because people couldn't make calls, some were able to get through to customer service. I remember the call from the young woman with the sound of fear and panic in her voice that said a plane hit one of the Towers. I could hear people screaming and things crashing in the background. I knew it couldn't be a real call. Who flies a plane into a building?
Then I heard someone say the word "hijack."
After that startling call, I looked around at my co-workers and saw the looks of confusion on many of their faces. What in the world was going on in the New York area? A few of us headed towards to the break room to check the news channels. People were already crowded around watching the CNN coverage of the first tower in flames. Not 2 minutes after I walked into the break room, I witnessed the live feed of the second plane hitting the tower. Everyone gasped and it seemed like we held our breath for an eternity.
This could not be real. I just watched a plane fly full speed into a skyscraper. A skyscraper filled with people. People. Flames. Smoke. Debris. People. Death. Destruction. People. People. People. What was going to happen to all those people in those towers? For the next several hours, I sat still and watched the footage. I watched both towers fall. I felt my heart literally breaking in my chest at the idea of all those people in those massive towers. I watched the images of people jumping to their deaths out of buildings. So many people. So much destruction.
Why? How? Why? What had we done to deserve this?
I don't remember much else of that work day because all of the calls stopped. No one was worried about a late bill or overage charges because every thought was on what our nation had just experienced. I went home that afternoon, turned on the television, and sat and watch CNN until the sun came up that next morning. The towers had fallen. The Pentagon had a gaping, flaming hole from another plane that was hijacked. A forth plane was in a million pieces in a field in Pennsylvania. I watched it all. I had to make sure what I was watching was real. I felt like if I got out of my seat, or turned the channel, or even blinked too long, I would realize I was dreaming and that I had made it all up in my head. I was frozen in time. If I went to sleep I would hear that woman's voice in my ear saying a plane hit the towers. I would replay the footage of the second plane hitting the tower over and over in my head. I couldn't sleep...and I didn't for the next 3 days.
For the next few days, I felt like I was underwater. I couldn't see clearly. I couldn't hear clearly. Everything felt jumbled. I was on auto pilot. You would have thought I was in New York and had witnessed everything first hand. You would have thought I had lost my whole family in the towers. I was that shaken up. Not where it was noticeable on the outside, but in my mind and heart, I was a wreck. After 3 days, I decided I couldn't torture myself with the round the clock commentary and gruesome images. I stopped watching TV cause every channel in the nation was talking about it. Even the Food Network went off air. I was brokenhearted for my nation and for every person who lost their life and I was fearful of what was to happen next. The US was at their weakest point and open for move severe attacks.
At some point, life started getting back to normal for me. The fog lifted though never completely went away. The anxiety and sleeplessness decreased. Atlanta went back on with business though people were a bit kinder in the days and weeks to follow. People smiled at you more. People said hi a bit more. People donated blood and collected supplies. People started to develop a sense of pride and honor for the US and for that brief moment in time, everyone was on the same page.
This was our country and we were going to stand strong and united.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
End Of An Era
Tonight, I am filled with a lot of emotions. You would think something crazy or radical happened to cause me to be in this bittersweet moment. To most, it's just a Wednesday. To my Fusion community, it's a major transition...an end of an era and the beginning of something amazing.
After 10 years, tonight was our last service in what is known as the Fusion building at Victory World Church. As of September 14, 2011, we will be moving to the main sanctuary. For me, it's kinda hard to wrap my head around that fact that for the past 2 years, I have spent every Wednesday (except for when I was in Peru), with my community of 300+ young adult believers going hard after God. I met surrendered my life to Christ at the stage in that building on September 9, 2009. I was baptized in that building. My son was baptized in that building just a week ago. I met some of the most amazing and life changing people in that building. I witnessed supernatural moves of the Spirit in that building. I watched courtships begin and proposals happen in that building. I have prayed so many prayers, worship to God in song so many times, cried my eyes out so many times, fell in love with my Savior over and over again, spent days and nights in that building.
My life was saved in that building. I met God in that building.
As emotional as I am about leaving a place that holds so many memories, I am beyond excited about moving to the larger space. Our Fusion services have been at max capacity for weeks now, with a regular attendance anywhere from 300 to 350 people. We have literally outgrown the Fusion building and more and more people keep coming. God is doing something amazing and I believe that this move is in His perfect timing. As Fusion began to outgrow our home, He was preparing a space for us to continue welcome 20 somethings from all over the city who are hungry for His truth.
To go from a room of 300 to a sanctuary that holds 1,400 will seem a bit weird and intimidating. Our ministry has some work to do go spread the word that there is place people can come if they want to have a true encounter with the living God and have their lives changed forever. We are not worried about how many people can fill the sanctuary but how many people will be set free from bondage. How many people will open their heart to receive God's love. How many people will surrender their life to Christ. How many disciples we can create who will continue to make more disciples and carry out the Great Commission. How many people will live a radical, sold out life for Christ because they experienced Him first at a Fusion service.
Tonight is the end of an era, but it is the beginning of something so much greater.
After 10 years, tonight was our last service in what is known as the Fusion building at Victory World Church. As of September 14, 2011, we will be moving to the main sanctuary. For me, it's kinda hard to wrap my head around that fact that for the past 2 years, I have spent every Wednesday (except for when I was in Peru), with my community of 300+ young adult believers going hard after God. I met surrendered my life to Christ at the stage in that building on September 9, 2009. I was baptized in that building. My son was baptized in that building just a week ago. I met some of the most amazing and life changing people in that building. I witnessed supernatural moves of the Spirit in that building. I watched courtships begin and proposals happen in that building. I have prayed so many prayers, worship to God in song so many times, cried my eyes out so many times, fell in love with my Savior over and over again, spent days and nights in that building.
My life was saved in that building. I met God in that building.
As emotional as I am about leaving a place that holds so many memories, I am beyond excited about moving to the larger space. Our Fusion services have been at max capacity for weeks now, with a regular attendance anywhere from 300 to 350 people. We have literally outgrown the Fusion building and more and more people keep coming. God is doing something amazing and I believe that this move is in His perfect timing. As Fusion began to outgrow our home, He was preparing a space for us to continue welcome 20 somethings from all over the city who are hungry for His truth.
To go from a room of 300 to a sanctuary that holds 1,400 will seem a bit weird and intimidating. Our ministry has some work to do go spread the word that there is place people can come if they want to have a true encounter with the living God and have their lives changed forever. We are not worried about how many people can fill the sanctuary but how many people will be set free from bondage. How many people will open their heart to receive God's love. How many people will surrender their life to Christ. How many disciples we can create who will continue to make more disciples and carry out the Great Commission. How many people will live a radical, sold out life for Christ because they experienced Him first at a Fusion service.
Tonight is the end of an era, but it is the beginning of something so much greater.
I Am That Girl...
Last night I was talking with a friend who was a little baffled by the fact that I mentioned I really didn't watch TV anymore. We have had conversations in the past about changes that we have both made since coming to Christ, mine more "radical" than his. I knew the reaction that I would get when I said what I did, and it didn't bother me really. I'm used to it. I am used to the gasps and looks of uncertainty when I tell people about things I refrain from in order to make sure that what I do is pleasing to God. I am far from this locked up in the house, one step away from the convent type girl, but when I decided to be serious about God, I developed a new set of eyes in which to see the world and a new level of conviction about how I was living my life. Once you accept salvation, you become a new creation. That means leaving behind some of the old ways in order to be set apart from the rest of the world. Jesus saved me from a life of condemnation in the world, so why try to keep my feet there?
I realize I am okay with being "that girl" who lives to a higher standard that others may not get. Comes with the territory. Call me a Jesus freak...I am and I wear that proudly.
I am that girl who has decided that after years of meaningless sex, I will refrain from it until I get married.
I am that girl who truly believes that God has "the one" for me and it's not my job to meddle in His plans by pursuing relationships on my own. Patience is a virtue.
I am that girl that has decided that placing things before my eyes and ears that cause me to have lustful and impure thoughts is unacceptable. Cuts out a lot of TV, movies, music and porn. Yep I said porn. Purity above abstinence.
I am that girl who realizes that sitting down with a group of friends and just sharing all that supernatural things that God is doing is the far more fun than going to a club or party and fending off rude guys.
I am that girl that believes in serving in the church. Time out for just holding down a seat. Be active in the local body of Christ so that others can experience His goodness as well.
I am that girl that has had to choose between being a "friend" and honoring what God says. I knew that this journey would not be easy and many will not have the same view point as me, but at the end of the day, my devotion is to honoring God, not leading friends down destructive paths.
I am that girl who has been ridiculed and made fun of by family because I am not ashamed to love God openly. Hey, if they made fun of Jesus, I can take one for the team too.
I am that girl who has forgiven people who have hurt me the most in life and now I pray for their own happiness and blessings. Only God can get you to that place of freedom.
I am that girl who has not been in a relationship in almost 2 years and is perfectly okay with that. True. I realized that God had some work to do to heal my scars so I don't continue the cycle of destructive relationships. If He was patient enough to continue chasing me for 20+ years, I can be patient enough to let Him mold me into who He has called me to be.
I am that girl who loves to be surrounded with broken, hurting people. Why? Because I was like them just a short time ago so why not pour into them love and encouragement that was poured into me when I was hurting.
I am that girl who would love to have a life dedicated to doing mission work. I thought that the city of Atlanta was filled with darkness and hurting people but I was in for a shock when I traveled to Peru. I had no clue what hurting and desperation was until I spent 10 days in the deserts of Peru surrounded by people who literally have nothing.
I am that girl who is absolutely passionate about ending sex trafficking. My heart broke at the thought of it and I actually took action. It's one thing to hear about it but its another thing to do something about. Whether its attending events to lobby against it, doing a donation drive to support organizations that fight it or just spreading the word on Facebook, it's doing something.
I am that girl who believes that every professing Christian in the world has a duty to love like Christ, pursue Him wholeheartedly, live a life that is purposeful, and to introduce others Him. Period.
Yep, I am that girl.
I realize I am okay with being "that girl" who lives to a higher standard that others may not get. Comes with the territory. Call me a Jesus freak...I am and I wear that proudly.
I am that girl who has decided that after years of meaningless sex, I will refrain from it until I get married.
I am that girl who truly believes that God has "the one" for me and it's not my job to meddle in His plans by pursuing relationships on my own. Patience is a virtue.
I am that girl that has decided that placing things before my eyes and ears that cause me to have lustful and impure thoughts is unacceptable. Cuts out a lot of TV, movies, music and porn. Yep I said porn. Purity above abstinence.
I am that girl who realizes that sitting down with a group of friends and just sharing all that supernatural things that God is doing is the far more fun than going to a club or party and fending off rude guys.
I am that girl that believes in serving in the church. Time out for just holding down a seat. Be active in the local body of Christ so that others can experience His goodness as well.
I am that girl that has had to choose between being a "friend" and honoring what God says. I knew that this journey would not be easy and many will not have the same view point as me, but at the end of the day, my devotion is to honoring God, not leading friends down destructive paths.
I am that girl who has been ridiculed and made fun of by family because I am not ashamed to love God openly. Hey, if they made fun of Jesus, I can take one for the team too.
I am that girl who has forgiven people who have hurt me the most in life and now I pray for their own happiness and blessings. Only God can get you to that place of freedom.
I am that girl who has not been in a relationship in almost 2 years and is perfectly okay with that. True. I realized that God had some work to do to heal my scars so I don't continue the cycle of destructive relationships. If He was patient enough to continue chasing me for 20+ years, I can be patient enough to let Him mold me into who He has called me to be.
I am that girl who loves to be surrounded with broken, hurting people. Why? Because I was like them just a short time ago so why not pour into them love and encouragement that was poured into me when I was hurting.
I am that girl who would love to have a life dedicated to doing mission work. I thought that the city of Atlanta was filled with darkness and hurting people but I was in for a shock when I traveled to Peru. I had no clue what hurting and desperation was until I spent 10 days in the deserts of Peru surrounded by people who literally have nothing.
I am that girl who is absolutely passionate about ending sex trafficking. My heart broke at the thought of it and I actually took action. It's one thing to hear about it but its another thing to do something about. Whether its attending events to lobby against it, doing a donation drive to support organizations that fight it or just spreading the word on Facebook, it's doing something.
I am that girl who believes that every professing Christian in the world has a duty to love like Christ, pursue Him wholeheartedly, live a life that is purposeful, and to introduce others Him. Period.
Yep, I am that girl.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Death of Miss Independent
Real Talk: Miss Independent is going to be the death of single Christian women.
Some years ago, Destiny's Child had a hit song singing praises to independent women around the world. Even Ne-yo had a song about him attraction to women "who held their own." The anthems says women who don't need a man for anything should be praised. Women should be their own bosses, play by their own rules, and bow to no man. Women sang those songs for months, buying into the idea that women need to take care of themselves and not depend on a man to do for them what they can do for themselves. I was singing right along with them because I too thought that being an independent woman was attractive and smart.
Boy was I wrong.
After having countless talks with male friends on the epidemic outbreak of independent women around the world, they hipped me onto some serious knowledge about the male way of thinking. To men, if she can take care of everything on her own, what does she need a man for? Guess women didn't think about how men would react when their very position in their lives was no long available. If women are taking care of every role that a man is meant to fulfill, we aren't leaving much room for them to be useful in our lives aside from the occasional bed warmer.
Ephesians 5:22-24 says "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Submit. Most women hate that word. Kinda hard to submit when you have been in control of every aspect of your life. Yet, in God's divine plan, He hard wired men to already understand that women are meant to submit to their husband...and husband need to be in a position to garner her respect by loving her as Christ loved the Church and presenting her without wrinkle or blemish. That would be the rest of Ephesians 5...more to come on that.
I sincerely believe that the lack of strong, secure, godly men has helped with the increased battle cry of independent women. Men who disrespect and mistreat women leave them in a position to have to guard their hardened hearts and play by their own rules to avoid heart break. Men who leave their children to be raised by single mothers leave them in a position to be the provider and security for the home. Not placing all the blame on men, but for those who did not heed the instructions of Ephesians to love her like the church leave her to fend for herself.
It's time to kill Miss Independent. I've never felt that any woman should be praised for taking care of herself and being responsible. Working and paying your own bills should be common sense, not something to be praised. Seriously. Women need to kill the Miss Independent mentality and embrace the Proverbs 31 mentality. "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." A woman who honors the Lord and His commands is worthy to be praised. A woman who knows the value in submitting to her husband (not being a doormat, but respecting him as the leader of her household) brings honor to herself and her family. Time out for looking towards the world to determine what is acceptable and worthy. God already wrote the book on that.
Some years ago, Destiny's Child had a hit song singing praises to independent women around the world. Even Ne-yo had a song about him attraction to women "who held their own." The anthems says women who don't need a man for anything should be praised. Women should be their own bosses, play by their own rules, and bow to no man. Women sang those songs for months, buying into the idea that women need to take care of themselves and not depend on a man to do for them what they can do for themselves. I was singing right along with them because I too thought that being an independent woman was attractive and smart.
Boy was I wrong.
After having countless talks with male friends on the epidemic outbreak of independent women around the world, they hipped me onto some serious knowledge about the male way of thinking. To men, if she can take care of everything on her own, what does she need a man for? Guess women didn't think about how men would react when their very position in their lives was no long available. If women are taking care of every role that a man is meant to fulfill, we aren't leaving much room for them to be useful in our lives aside from the occasional bed warmer.
Ephesians 5:22-24 says "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Submit. Most women hate that word. Kinda hard to submit when you have been in control of every aspect of your life. Yet, in God's divine plan, He hard wired men to already understand that women are meant to submit to their husband...and husband need to be in a position to garner her respect by loving her as Christ loved the Church and presenting her without wrinkle or blemish. That would be the rest of Ephesians 5...more to come on that.
I sincerely believe that the lack of strong, secure, godly men has helped with the increased battle cry of independent women. Men who disrespect and mistreat women leave them in a position to have to guard their hardened hearts and play by their own rules to avoid heart break. Men who leave their children to be raised by single mothers leave them in a position to be the provider and security for the home. Not placing all the blame on men, but for those who did not heed the instructions of Ephesians to love her like the church leave her to fend for herself.
It's time to kill Miss Independent. I've never felt that any woman should be praised for taking care of herself and being responsible. Working and paying your own bills should be common sense, not something to be praised. Seriously. Women need to kill the Miss Independent mentality and embrace the Proverbs 31 mentality. "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." A woman who honors the Lord and His commands is worthy to be praised. A woman who knows the value in submitting to her husband (not being a doormat, but respecting him as the leader of her household) brings honor to herself and her family. Time out for looking towards the world to determine what is acceptable and worthy. God already wrote the book on that.
Stop Doing Church...Be The Church
I have been burdened lately with the idea that so many people are so content with just doing church that they forget that we have been called to be the church. It's hard to get people to serve, tithe, or participate in anything church related that will make them break out of their "I am a Christian on Sunday" routine. There are so many lost people in this world and if we don't take the Gospel to them, we are failing at the Great Commission.
Last week, I read a blog from Pastor Shaun King who announced that he was stepping down as senior pastor of Courageous Church, the church he planted just 3 years ago. There is no sex scandal or mismanagment of funds that caused him to make this decision. It was the fact that he was passionate about his church being doers of the Word of God and the majority of his congregation was content just hearing about it. He could give the most passionate message about doing outreaches in the community, donating money and resources to Haiti or focus on ending child sex trafficking right here in the city. Yet, when it came time to put action behind the newly stirred up hearts, the people didn't budge. They didn't show up for outreaches, they didn't donate to worthy causes, they didn't follow his vision to shift his church model to focus less on a Sunday service and more focus on being the hands and feet of Jesus in the community.
I am sure it was beyond heartbreaking for him to know that the very church he planted aptly named Courageous Church was more content on just doing a routine church service than actually being the church. I have followed Pastor Shaun and his efforts for change for a couple of years now so I can speak with confidence that this man has a heart for God and a heart for change on this Earth. It still baffles me how people, even at my own church, are just content sitting back while everyone else does the work of Christ. My pastor talked about the serving grace of God this past Sunday. He stressed that we should all have a heart to serve in the body of Christ as well as for the things that break the heart of God. Luke 22:27 says "Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves." If Jesus saw Himself as a servant, surely those of us that follow Him should have a heart to serve as well.
I feel rather lucky to belong to a church where 70% of our 10,000 member congregation serves faithfully. Whenever we have community wide outreaches, people donate time, money and resources faithfully. Whenever there is a need, our congregation steps up. When the floods in TN happened, our Fusion ministry had young adults there days later to help with clean up. We sent numerous teams to Haiti after the earthquake. We do community clean ups, furniture and clothing drives for the Clarkston refugees, Fusion on Tour, Sunday to Sunday, countless ministries that go into the community to serve, etc. We have accepted the call to do the works of Christ and to stand behind the vision of our church leaders when it comes to spreading the love of Christ community and world wide.
I am certain that Pastor Shaun and his family will continue to be change makers in the community and the world. Though the Courageous Church will revert back to their regular Sunday services, I pray that the seeds that Pastor Shaun has planted over the past 3 years will start to break through the soil of contentment. I pray that my own church home continues to press forward to shake off lukewarmness and embrace the call to serve.
Last week, I read a blog from Pastor Shaun King who announced that he was stepping down as senior pastor of Courageous Church, the church he planted just 3 years ago. There is no sex scandal or mismanagment of funds that caused him to make this decision. It was the fact that he was passionate about his church being doers of the Word of God and the majority of his congregation was content just hearing about it. He could give the most passionate message about doing outreaches in the community, donating money and resources to Haiti or focus on ending child sex trafficking right here in the city. Yet, when it came time to put action behind the newly stirred up hearts, the people didn't budge. They didn't show up for outreaches, they didn't donate to worthy causes, they didn't follow his vision to shift his church model to focus less on a Sunday service and more focus on being the hands and feet of Jesus in the community.
I am sure it was beyond heartbreaking for him to know that the very church he planted aptly named Courageous Church was more content on just doing a routine church service than actually being the church. I have followed Pastor Shaun and his efforts for change for a couple of years now so I can speak with confidence that this man has a heart for God and a heart for change on this Earth. It still baffles me how people, even at my own church, are just content sitting back while everyone else does the work of Christ. My pastor talked about the serving grace of God this past Sunday. He stressed that we should all have a heart to serve in the body of Christ as well as for the things that break the heart of God. Luke 22:27 says "Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves." If Jesus saw Himself as a servant, surely those of us that follow Him should have a heart to serve as well.
I feel rather lucky to belong to a church where 70% of our 10,000 member congregation serves faithfully. Whenever we have community wide outreaches, people donate time, money and resources faithfully. Whenever there is a need, our congregation steps up. When the floods in TN happened, our Fusion ministry had young adults there days later to help with clean up. We sent numerous teams to Haiti after the earthquake. We do community clean ups, furniture and clothing drives for the Clarkston refugees, Fusion on Tour, Sunday to Sunday, countless ministries that go into the community to serve, etc. We have accepted the call to do the works of Christ and to stand behind the vision of our church leaders when it comes to spreading the love of Christ community and world wide.
I am certain that Pastor Shaun and his family will continue to be change makers in the community and the world. Though the Courageous Church will revert back to their regular Sunday services, I pray that the seeds that Pastor Shaun has planted over the past 3 years will start to break through the soil of contentment. I pray that my own church home continues to press forward to shake off lukewarmness and embrace the call to serve.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
I Am Second
God has an interesting way of lining things up for me. When it comes to this whole writing thing, He has sent some pretty awesome people my way and has flooded me with ideas. After sitting and talking with my friend Amber a few days ago, I been pondering what this vision I have been given looks like.
Stories. Testimonies. One of the most powerful tool for winning souls for the Kingdom besides the Bible and Christ Himself. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has a defining moment where they decided to leave it all behind to follow Jesus.
I happened upon this video testimony on YouTube a while ago and for the oddest reason, I came back to it again tonight. I listened to Brian Welch's story of redemption and was in tears. Powerful story that can soften even the hardest of hearts. You can see so many other videos testimonies like Brian's at I Am Second. This is an amazing movement that is spreading globally to give people hope to know that their circumstance is not the end of the world. It is meant to inspire you. It is meant to show you that the most admired people in the world all have struggles just like the rest of us.
Enjoy and hopefully you will join the movement. I have.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Perfect Timing
God has been absolutely blowing my mind lately. He has all but split open the sky to let me know that this desire I have for writing is of Him and not just something I like to do. He wants to use me to spread His message through books, blogs, whatever medium He sees fit in order to "set the captives free." I think the final bit of confirmation came from an email I got late Sunday night from a young lady that I have never met (Hi Nicole!) but who spoke the most encouraging and confirming words to me in an email. We follow the same blog and she found the link to this blog and the rest was all God.
God gave me this idea about what to write about on August 21. I wrote a few pages of notes and some random names to remember later. Ever since that day, I have had this overwhelming, absolutely consuming desire to focus on that idea to a point where it is hard to focus on anything else. I asked my lovely friend Amber to meet up so I can share with her all that God has been revealing to me. As I explained my desire to write, the prophesy spoken over me, the confirmations here and there and just the mind consuming feelings I have been having to write about this idea, I could see her eyes light up.
We were on the same page in so many ways. God was speaking the same message to us, placed the same desires on our heart, all to be carried out in different mediums.
As I was riding home, I was thinking about how huge this calling to write really is for me. I was in awe at the idea that He had been pursuing me since I was a kid through this love for writing.
But then God spoke. This path to writing didn't just get paved when I was a kid. It was paved with purpose and intent from the day I was born.
I was born in a car, told that story a million times and laughed at it a million and one times. But tonight, 30 years later, I realize I was born at the day, hour, exact minute and location I was supposed to thanks to God's timing. I was named after my godmother Frances because she delivered me in the back of the car. Had I been born at any other time, my name would have been Tamika. Why does this matter? I learned that my names means "free." God knew that my calling in life was to "set the captives free" through my desire to write so why not ensure that my name be called "free" so that I can walk in calling from birth?
His timing is so perfect it is mind blowing.
God gave me this idea about what to write about on August 21. I wrote a few pages of notes and some random names to remember later. Ever since that day, I have had this overwhelming, absolutely consuming desire to focus on that idea to a point where it is hard to focus on anything else. I asked my lovely friend Amber to meet up so I can share with her all that God has been revealing to me. As I explained my desire to write, the prophesy spoken over me, the confirmations here and there and just the mind consuming feelings I have been having to write about this idea, I could see her eyes light up.
We were on the same page in so many ways. God was speaking the same message to us, placed the same desires on our heart, all to be carried out in different mediums.
As I was riding home, I was thinking about how huge this calling to write really is for me. I was in awe at the idea that He had been pursuing me since I was a kid through this love for writing.
But then God spoke. This path to writing didn't just get paved when I was a kid. It was paved with purpose and intent from the day I was born.
I was born in a car, told that story a million times and laughed at it a million and one times. But tonight, 30 years later, I realize I was born at the day, hour, exact minute and location I was supposed to thanks to God's timing. I was named after my godmother Frances because she delivered me in the back of the car. Had I been born at any other time, my name would have been Tamika. Why does this matter? I learned that my names means "free." God knew that my calling in life was to "set the captives free" through my desire to write so why not ensure that my name be called "free" so that I can walk in calling from birth?
His timing is so perfect it is mind blowing.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Bigger Than Me
I love being apart of something that is bigger than me. Something that allows me to just play a small role in the grand scheme of things. Something to leave my mark on so I can look back and know I made a difference, even in what I think is insignificant way. I love being apart of God's master plan, apart of a ministry that is devoted to changing the direction of a generation. I love living life with people who are passionate about change.
Today God showed me that what I do, the people I meet, the people that I lead, the ministry that I serve, the random acts of kindness, the listening ear, that one extra phone call, that one "Hey, I'm just checking on you" text message, that silent prayer, it's all so much bigger than I can imagine. I've never had a day like this before that left me having to seriously lean on God and pray before I too action.
It started with an urgent cry for help at 7:00 AM on Facebook and it didn't end until well after midnight. I was operating on what seemed like strategic tactial mode the whole day. From a chance encounter with a dear old friend, to the series of cryptic updates on someone who fell off the grid, to the silent prayers and worry of someone I Shepard, to a friend going through the hardest time in her life, I was realizing that this life, this calling, this purpose is so much bigger than me. My mere existence in this natural world is all for a grander plan in the supernatural. God is so precise with our lives and the people He puts in them. We have to always be aware of the power that He gives us because you never know when you are going to have to utilize your gifts to get through a 24 hour time span.
This one day was filled with so many up and down emotions, so many tears, so many prayers, but so little focus on myself. This day was not about me at all. It was about me realizing that I have no room to be selfish because I have no idea how far my ripple effect stretches. I have been equipped with the wisdom, discernment and sheer passion for God's people to be such a vital instrument in His master plan. I just didn't know it until today. I haven't been called to just sit back and let someone else lead the way. I have been given the authority to be the one leading the way.
For a brief moment in time, I seriously questioned whether or not I was really capable of leading my generation in the Fusion Ministry. Most days I felt like I hadn't quite got my footing though people often applauded my work. That little bit of fear and uncertainty was causing me to almost consider taking the easy way out and letting someone more experienced take the wheel. But God knew better than to let me give up. How does He show me how equipped I really am? By throwing me in a world wind of events that let me relying on Him completely. In my weakness, He was strong. Where He is strong, I am strong.
This bigger plan is not about my level of knowledge or experience. It's about my level of dependency on Him to get the job done. Gideon is one of my favorites in the Bible. Weak in his own faith in himself, God used Him to do amazing things...all because He got his source of strength from God. Fusion is about to undergo so crazy, God centered, mind blowing changes and it excites me every time I think about it. He is about to open the flood gates in the city and send people in our direction in ways we can barely imagine. And He needs me there to be apart of it. He needs me there because in that crowd, there is someone I am supposed to meet. There is some one's life I am supposed to impact with a message from God.
It maybe just one life, it maybe 1,000. Who knows? Who cares? This thing is bigger than me anyway. I'm just along for the ride.
Today God showed me that what I do, the people I meet, the people that I lead, the ministry that I serve, the random acts of kindness, the listening ear, that one extra phone call, that one "Hey, I'm just checking on you" text message, that silent prayer, it's all so much bigger than I can imagine. I've never had a day like this before that left me having to seriously lean on God and pray before I too action.
It started with an urgent cry for help at 7:00 AM on Facebook and it didn't end until well after midnight. I was operating on what seemed like strategic tactial mode the whole day. From a chance encounter with a dear old friend, to the series of cryptic updates on someone who fell off the grid, to the silent prayers and worry of someone I Shepard, to a friend going through the hardest time in her life, I was realizing that this life, this calling, this purpose is so much bigger than me. My mere existence in this natural world is all for a grander plan in the supernatural. God is so precise with our lives and the people He puts in them. We have to always be aware of the power that He gives us because you never know when you are going to have to utilize your gifts to get through a 24 hour time span.
This one day was filled with so many up and down emotions, so many tears, so many prayers, but so little focus on myself. This day was not about me at all. It was about me realizing that I have no room to be selfish because I have no idea how far my ripple effect stretches. I have been equipped with the wisdom, discernment and sheer passion for God's people to be such a vital instrument in His master plan. I just didn't know it until today. I haven't been called to just sit back and let someone else lead the way. I have been given the authority to be the one leading the way.
For a brief moment in time, I seriously questioned whether or not I was really capable of leading my generation in the Fusion Ministry. Most days I felt like I hadn't quite got my footing though people often applauded my work. That little bit of fear and uncertainty was causing me to almost consider taking the easy way out and letting someone more experienced take the wheel. But God knew better than to let me give up. How does He show me how equipped I really am? By throwing me in a world wind of events that let me relying on Him completely. In my weakness, He was strong. Where He is strong, I am strong.
This bigger plan is not about my level of knowledge or experience. It's about my level of dependency on Him to get the job done. Gideon is one of my favorites in the Bible. Weak in his own faith in himself, God used Him to do amazing things...all because He got his source of strength from God. Fusion is about to undergo so crazy, God centered, mind blowing changes and it excites me every time I think about it. He is about to open the flood gates in the city and send people in our direction in ways we can barely imagine. And He needs me there to be apart of it. He needs me there because in that crowd, there is someone I am supposed to meet. There is some one's life I am supposed to impact with a message from God.
It maybe just one life, it maybe 1,000. Who knows? Who cares? This thing is bigger than me anyway. I'm just along for the ride.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Living Letters
I truly believe that each and every believer on this planet should be a "living letter." Just like 2 Corinthians 3:2-3 says, we don't have to have recommendations from other people to show the power of Christ. All we need is our own life. Our life should be a reflection of God's grace and Christ power. People should be able to look at our life and know the goodness of God. We should never stop boosting about what amazing things He is done in our lives. We should be a walking testimony.
I often post on Facebook some random revelation I've had or just a comment about how God moved in my life. I do it because I am not ashamed to give God His due praise. If you have been as low in the trenches of darkness as I have, you try not to miss a chance to tell people the Good News. From my posts, my notes, my blog, my love for my church, my love for the lost, my love trafficking victims, my random pictures from outreaches and mission work, my life reflects the glorious wonder of God.
And people see it. They see the love of God in me, through words and actions.
I realize that I absolutely love counseling women. I love helping women get to a place where they are in love with themselves and know that they are loved by their Savior. A place where they realize they are not their past, that their identity isn't rooted in looks, money, or status, and that they are absolutely, without a doubt worthy to be praised, honored and respected. Every woman needs that sense of security that starts from within.
I had the pleasure of offering some advice to some pretty awesome women I know from back home who I only connect with through Facebook. I'm always surprised when I get advice questions from people I don't really interact with that often. But it's not me they are drawn to. It's the freedom I have in Christ that draws them in. It's the fact that I allow my life to reflect how wonderful and amazing God is. People need something to believe in, something that is bigger than them and their everyday. People need to believe that no matter how bad life gets, there is something better on the horizon. They need to believe that God really is who He says He is.
How will we get them to believe? By letting our lives be the example.
I often post on Facebook some random revelation I've had or just a comment about how God moved in my life. I do it because I am not ashamed to give God His due praise. If you have been as low in the trenches of darkness as I have, you try not to miss a chance to tell people the Good News. From my posts, my notes, my blog, my love for my church, my love for the lost, my love trafficking victims, my random pictures from outreaches and mission work, my life reflects the glorious wonder of God.
And people see it. They see the love of God in me, through words and actions.
I realize that I absolutely love counseling women. I love helping women get to a place where they are in love with themselves and know that they are loved by their Savior. A place where they realize they are not their past, that their identity isn't rooted in looks, money, or status, and that they are absolutely, without a doubt worthy to be praised, honored and respected. Every woman needs that sense of security that starts from within.
I had the pleasure of offering some advice to some pretty awesome women I know from back home who I only connect with through Facebook. I'm always surprised when I get advice questions from people I don't really interact with that often. But it's not me they are drawn to. It's the freedom I have in Christ that draws them in. It's the fact that I allow my life to reflect how wonderful and amazing God is. People need something to believe in, something that is bigger than them and their everyday. People need to believe that no matter how bad life gets, there is something better on the horizon. They need to believe that God really is who He says He is.
How will we get them to believe? By letting our lives be the example.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Becoming Someone Worth Finding
Some of the best advice that I have gotten about relationships, courting and marriage has been pretty simple: become someone worth finding. Everyone wants to find that one special person to spend the rest of their life with. We spend so much time analyzing that person and going through their nuiances with a fine tooth comb that we often neglect the most important critical analysis in the whole equation...ourselves. After putting this person through the ringer and our own checklist of must have qualities, do we stop and ask ourselves if we measure up to their expectations? Are we even someone that they would want to spend the rest of their life with?
Every relationship starts with a healthy you. It's our job to deal with our own hangups, hurts, and issues before entertaining the idea of becoming someone's significant other. It's never the job of a man to heal a woman's broken heart and insecurities. Those are repairs that only God can do with perfection. When I decided to follow Christ wholeheartedly, I knew that I had to leave guys behind for a while because I had about 28 years worth of wounds and scars that needed time to heal. I would be doing a guy a complete injustice if I were to enter any relationship knowing I could never give him my whole heart because parts of it still belongs with so many other people from my past. I knew I was not someone worth finding at that point.
I can officially say that I am at a point where I know who I am in Christ. I am firm in what I believe and what I will never compromise on. I love me enough to know that I refuse to settle for anything less that God's absolute best for me. If that means, I am single longer than most, it's not the end of the world. I have a passion for God's Kingdom and the lost who are far from Him. I have a heart for the body of Christ and I serve faithfully. I will be the first to admit that I have some insecurities but I will never allow the enemy to exploit my weak areas because my faith in God and my identity rooted in my Savior will always triumph.
Talking with a friend about a guy she likes made me even more aware of just how far I have come. After asking her those tough questions (Where are you in your relationship with Christ? Are you persuing your passions? What is God's purpose for your life? Have you dealt with your own insecurities and past hurts?) and seeing that she is still struggling with finding her own way, it made it even more clear about how important it is love yourself and to know the love of God. I knew her main purpose for our talk was about how to deal with the "notice" phase of a relationship, but I could not in good conscience let that be the focus and neglect where own personal and spiritual well-being. Too many relationships start when we are not even at our best selves. People spend so much time and energy trying to be with someone instead of learning to be happy in their own skin. I'm not anti-relationships but I am very pro-healthy and whole lives. Woman want the guy to meet all these benchmarks on their list never realizing that she doesn't quite measure up herself.
If he needs to have a great relationship with God, so do you.
If he needs to love children, so do you.
If he needs to be good with money, so do you.
If he needs to know what he wants to be doing in 5 years, so do you.
If he needs to have good morals and values, so do you.
If he needs to have boundaries, so do you.
If he needs to respect you, so do you.
I firmly believe that no man or woman should be in a position to make someone happy. That expectation is too unrealistic and unhealthy. No one should have that much control over your emotional well-being. Your significant other should add onto the happiness that you already have in your fulfilled, purposeful, and passion filled life. Together, you will both travel down the same path together, becoming better as a unit, operating in the calling that God has for you as that unit. Sometimes people think that my idea of God center relationships are a little far reaching and almost unrealistic, but I know my God well enough to know that He writes stories like this everyday. Nothing is impossible for Him and He takes delight in showing His majesty and power in the form of a healthy, godly relationship.
Every relationship starts with a healthy you. It's our job to deal with our own hangups, hurts, and issues before entertaining the idea of becoming someone's significant other. It's never the job of a man to heal a woman's broken heart and insecurities. Those are repairs that only God can do with perfection. When I decided to follow Christ wholeheartedly, I knew that I had to leave guys behind for a while because I had about 28 years worth of wounds and scars that needed time to heal. I would be doing a guy a complete injustice if I were to enter any relationship knowing I could never give him my whole heart because parts of it still belongs with so many other people from my past. I knew I was not someone worth finding at that point.
I can officially say that I am at a point where I know who I am in Christ. I am firm in what I believe and what I will never compromise on. I love me enough to know that I refuse to settle for anything less that God's absolute best for me. If that means, I am single longer than most, it's not the end of the world. I have a passion for God's Kingdom and the lost who are far from Him. I have a heart for the body of Christ and I serve faithfully. I will be the first to admit that I have some insecurities but I will never allow the enemy to exploit my weak areas because my faith in God and my identity rooted in my Savior will always triumph.
Talking with a friend about a guy she likes made me even more aware of just how far I have come. After asking her those tough questions (Where are you in your relationship with Christ? Are you persuing your passions? What is God's purpose for your life? Have you dealt with your own insecurities and past hurts?) and seeing that she is still struggling with finding her own way, it made it even more clear about how important it is love yourself and to know the love of God. I knew her main purpose for our talk was about how to deal with the "notice" phase of a relationship, but I could not in good conscience let that be the focus and neglect where own personal and spiritual well-being. Too many relationships start when we are not even at our best selves. People spend so much time and energy trying to be with someone instead of learning to be happy in their own skin. I'm not anti-relationships but I am very pro-healthy and whole lives. Woman want the guy to meet all these benchmarks on their list never realizing that she doesn't quite measure up herself.
If he needs to have a great relationship with God, so do you.
If he needs to love children, so do you.
If he needs to be good with money, so do you.
If he needs to know what he wants to be doing in 5 years, so do you.
If he needs to have good morals and values, so do you.
If he needs to have boundaries, so do you.
If he needs to respect you, so do you.
I firmly believe that no man or woman should be in a position to make someone happy. That expectation is too unrealistic and unhealthy. No one should have that much control over your emotional well-being. Your significant other should add onto the happiness that you already have in your fulfilled, purposeful, and passion filled life. Together, you will both travel down the same path together, becoming better as a unit, operating in the calling that God has for you as that unit. Sometimes people think that my idea of God center relationships are a little far reaching and almost unrealistic, but I know my God well enough to know that He writes stories like this everyday. Nothing is impossible for Him and He takes delight in showing His majesty and power in the form of a healthy, godly relationship.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Beautiful Surrender
I must say that I am truly blessed with some amazing friends and an AMAZING God who divinely orchestrates my life. My mind is still reeling a bit from the way God has moved over the last few days. He never ceases to amazing me and no matter how many times He shows Himself faithful and loving, it has me in awe like its our first encounter.
Last week, I came face to face with my financial situation (working to pay off debt...slow process) and I was feeling a bit discouraged. Being a single mom makes you very aware of the amount of pennies you having coming in and out and how sometimes there is a huge gap in between. I worry about money (I know God does not give me a spirit of fear, but I am working on that) quite often and several facets of my life and future hinge on money. School is on hold right now because I am questioning whether or not counseling is the most viable career option since the pay stinks even though its something I love to do. Missions is something I want to do more of but again, money is always my biggest concern. I could go on and on.
However, God kinda checked me a few weeks ago and reminded me that money should not be the root of my decision making. He is the ultimate provider and no matter how much or how little money I make, my family will always be taken care of. He has the tendency to do some amazing supernatural stuff so I don't know why I sometimes doubt Him. So here I was last week, staring at my future on a piece of paper and I decide enough was enough. No more worry, no more stress, just a complete surrender to God to let Him take over and guide me.
A couple of days later, I got a semi hysterical call from a close friend who had just had the greatest epiphany from God that changed her life completely. She finally realized that her high powered six figure salary meant nothing if she was missing out on her family and actually doing God's will. She planned to quit her job soon and pursue what makes her happy. She was experiencing the total freedom that comes when you obey God. Just a few minutes later, I got a call from another friend that is barely making ends meet and its stressing her to no end. Because I was in a place of complete surrender to God about my own money woes, I allowed the Holy Spirit to speak through me calmly and confidently about God's view on money, His desire to provide and the first steps she needs to take to get back on track. Yeah, I was shocked at myself. After I took some time to process both phone calls, I realized God was giving me a view of life from two different prospectives. He showed me the freedom and joy my life can have when I surrender my worries to Him just like my first friend did. He also showed me the bondage that I would remain in if I decided to continue to try to figure life out on my own and not allow Him to help like my other friend is.
I would much rather have my freedom and joy in a beautiful and humble surrender to Him.
In that one morning, I was finally at a place where I was not worried about money. Worrying wont solve my problem so why waste the energy. I am sure God was standing over me saying "Finally! I thought you would never catch on." Amazing things happen when you surrender your worries to God. He starts to move in your life in crazy ways. Usually the problems we have stem from us being in the way of what God wants to do in our lives. A friend had to remind me that I am standing in the way of God doing some amazing things because I am still trying to figure out how I am going to make things work out. But like the Bible says, God makes all things work together for the good of those who believe in Him. Once, I decided to fully surrender, it wasn't even a full week that went by when I was presented with the most radical blessing. It's kinda still blowing my mind but I know it is absolutely God ordained. I won't go into details but God has used my friends to show me that when you surrender your burdens to Him, He will definitely make things work together for the good of those who believe in Him.
A beautiful and worthy surrender indeed.
Last week, I came face to face with my financial situation (working to pay off debt...slow process) and I was feeling a bit discouraged. Being a single mom makes you very aware of the amount of pennies you having coming in and out and how sometimes there is a huge gap in between. I worry about money (I know God does not give me a spirit of fear, but I am working on that) quite often and several facets of my life and future hinge on money. School is on hold right now because I am questioning whether or not counseling is the most viable career option since the pay stinks even though its something I love to do. Missions is something I want to do more of but again, money is always my biggest concern. I could go on and on.
However, God kinda checked me a few weeks ago and reminded me that money should not be the root of my decision making. He is the ultimate provider and no matter how much or how little money I make, my family will always be taken care of. He has the tendency to do some amazing supernatural stuff so I don't know why I sometimes doubt Him. So here I was last week, staring at my future on a piece of paper and I decide enough was enough. No more worry, no more stress, just a complete surrender to God to let Him take over and guide me.
A couple of days later, I got a semi hysterical call from a close friend who had just had the greatest epiphany from God that changed her life completely. She finally realized that her high powered six figure salary meant nothing if she was missing out on her family and actually doing God's will. She planned to quit her job soon and pursue what makes her happy. She was experiencing the total freedom that comes when you obey God. Just a few minutes later, I got a call from another friend that is barely making ends meet and its stressing her to no end. Because I was in a place of complete surrender to God about my own money woes, I allowed the Holy Spirit to speak through me calmly and confidently about God's view on money, His desire to provide and the first steps she needs to take to get back on track. Yeah, I was shocked at myself. After I took some time to process both phone calls, I realized God was giving me a view of life from two different prospectives. He showed me the freedom and joy my life can have when I surrender my worries to Him just like my first friend did. He also showed me the bondage that I would remain in if I decided to continue to try to figure life out on my own and not allow Him to help like my other friend is.
I would much rather have my freedom and joy in a beautiful and humble surrender to Him.
In that one morning, I was finally at a place where I was not worried about money. Worrying wont solve my problem so why waste the energy. I am sure God was standing over me saying "Finally! I thought you would never catch on." Amazing things happen when you surrender your worries to God. He starts to move in your life in crazy ways. Usually the problems we have stem from us being in the way of what God wants to do in our lives. A friend had to remind me that I am standing in the way of God doing some amazing things because I am still trying to figure out how I am going to make things work out. But like the Bible says, God makes all things work together for the good of those who believe in Him. Once, I decided to fully surrender, it wasn't even a full week that went by when I was presented with the most radical blessing. It's kinda still blowing my mind but I know it is absolutely God ordained. I won't go into details but God has used my friends to show me that when you surrender your burdens to Him, He will definitely make things work together for the good of those who believe in Him.
A beautiful and worthy surrender indeed.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
A Covenant In The Making
I spent a few hours with my lovely friend and spiritual sister, Jillian, tonight. She is preparing for wedding next month and I couldn't be more happy for her. I remember meeting her for the first time at La Madeline at our first small group meeting of 2010. Though kinda shy and reserved in the beginning, our random trip to crash the youth ministry's spring break conference sealed our friendship thanks to a little baptism of the Holy Spirit. We have shared stories, trials, triumphs and wisdom along the way. My heart just smiles at the thought that she will be united in a God anointed covenant marriage with God's absolute best for her.
The anticipation of the pending marriages of couples that honored God through out their relationships are so much more intense and spiritually driven. The atmosphere is different and the expectations for God to move during that time is so much greater. For couples that did not honor God in their relationship by having sex outside of marriage or not submitting to His will usually have a ceremony that is centered around them. For couples that remained pure, sought wise counsel, entered into a godly courtship, had accountability, and allowed God to be in the center of it have a ceremony that gives God honor and glory. The day is not about celebrating the couple so much as it is about celebrating the amazing goodness of God.
In our conversation tonight, I remembered running across a blog entry from my FAVORITE photographer Ross Oscar Knight about this awesome Christian couple that he photographed for their engagement and wedding. Robert and Tia have a beautiful story about wedding preparation and just the magnificent blessing that is released to others when they witness what a covenant marriage looks like (I don't want to ruin it so just read for yourself). Jillian was thrilled to hear about all that happened because of Robert and Tia's faith in God and wanted to do something similar. After running it by her fiancee' Keith (who called while I was there to pray with her over the phone like they do every night...love that), he was on board.
God is such a God of order. I love how He puts things together in such an intricate and precise way, it blows my mind. Ross and his wife Brandi are Christians and he unashamedly attributes everything that he is to his faith in God. I discovered his work some years ago when a proposal he photographed went viral and I was emailed the link. I have been a fan since then. Last year, he hosted a contest for a free engagement photo shoot to a deserving engagement couple and I nominated my friends Elsy and Alvaro. Low and behold, Elsy and Alvaro were picked and had a great session. This is by far my favorite picture of them:
This time around, a random blog from Ross's site I remembered seeing almost a year ago, has inspired my Jillian as well. I am excited to be apart of the planning and execution of this part of the preparation because I had been wondering what it was that could do to bless my amazing friends. God works everything out according to His will and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The anticipation of the pending marriages of couples that honored God through out their relationships are so much more intense and spiritually driven. The atmosphere is different and the expectations for God to move during that time is so much greater. For couples that did not honor God in their relationship by having sex outside of marriage or not submitting to His will usually have a ceremony that is centered around them. For couples that remained pure, sought wise counsel, entered into a godly courtship, had accountability, and allowed God to be in the center of it have a ceremony that gives God honor and glory. The day is not about celebrating the couple so much as it is about celebrating the amazing goodness of God.
In our conversation tonight, I remembered running across a blog entry from my FAVORITE photographer Ross Oscar Knight about this awesome Christian couple that he photographed for their engagement and wedding. Robert and Tia have a beautiful story about wedding preparation and just the magnificent blessing that is released to others when they witness what a covenant marriage looks like (I don't want to ruin it so just read for yourself). Jillian was thrilled to hear about all that happened because of Robert and Tia's faith in God and wanted to do something similar. After running it by her fiancee' Keith (who called while I was there to pray with her over the phone like they do every night...love that), he was on board.
God is such a God of order. I love how He puts things together in such an intricate and precise way, it blows my mind. Ross and his wife Brandi are Christians and he unashamedly attributes everything that he is to his faith in God. I discovered his work some years ago when a proposal he photographed went viral and I was emailed the link. I have been a fan since then. Last year, he hosted a contest for a free engagement photo shoot to a deserving engagement couple and I nominated my friends Elsy and Alvaro. Low and behold, Elsy and Alvaro were picked and had a great session. This is by far my favorite picture of them:
This time around, a random blog from Ross's site I remembered seeing almost a year ago, has inspired my Jillian as well. I am excited to be apart of the planning and execution of this part of the preparation because I had been wondering what it was that could do to bless my amazing friends. God works everything out according to His will and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Awkward Black Girl
A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled across one of the funniest YouTube videos I had seen in quite a while. I don't spend much time on YouTube but a lot of up and coming film makers post their videos on there in hopes of being discovered. Issa Rae created The Misadventures of An Awkward Black Girl and it has become an instant hit. I am noticing more and more of my FB friends joining her fan page. The episodes are pretty short but they are hilarious and I am pretty sure anyone can relate to them.
I love to see creativity like of this video and I hope the show gets picked up for TV. Something on cable and not network TV because they wouldn't do it justice. I am thrilled to hear that Issa was able to raise the additional funds to keep the show going. Right now, there are only 8 episodes and its definitely at a cliff hanger so to keep it going, she needed about $30,000. Thanks to her loyal fan base and crazy world of mouth, they have so far raised over $40,000 to keep the shows coming. People crave good work but I can't quite figure out how some of the stupid reality TV still seems to stay on the air.
Oh well. Check out the videos on YouTube because the site is under construction. Check back frequently, join the FB fan page, Twitter, etc and become awkward.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Boys Over Flowers
I must admit that I have a new love interest. One that has taken up quite a bit of my free time (what little I do have) and take over my thoughts with wonder. I am almost ashamed to admit it...actually no I'm not. I'm that awkward girl that likes all kinds of weird stuff.
I am in love with the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers.
When I visited Peru a couple of months ago, I remember some of the young Peruvian girls being completely obsessed with this Korean drama (kinda like a soap opera minus the endless story line and blatant sex) called Boys Over Flowers. For some reason its just struck me as odd that Peruvian kids were watching Korean shows. They were caught up in the fantasy world and desperately wanted their lives to be like the main characters. A few weeks ago, I was reminded again of the drama by a couple of girls in my small group and since I tend to have LOTS of down time at work, I figured I would check it out since it was available on Netflix (I have the app on my smart phone).
25 episodes, some tears, screams, near panic attacks, and victorious cheers later, I am finally finished with the entire series. Unlike American shows, Korean dramas don't drag on needlessly for 12 season until their is nothing left to write about. Korean dramas end after anywhere between 10-50 episodes. Boys Over Flowers was the most popular drama in South Asia about a year ago and it spread like wildfire to other countries. Now that it has ended, I honestly feel like I have parted ways with some old friends after experience a roller coaster of adventures, heartaches, mixed emotions, betrayals, disappointments, redemption and triumphs. I enjoy a good love story and this definitely was one I could appreciate without having to shield my eyes from flashes of half naked women.
If you have some free time and enjoy foreign shows, I would highly suggest Boys Over Flowers to anyone. It's a high school drama but a far cry from Gossip Girl and 90210. It's cheesy but heartwarming at the same time. The emotions of the actors is far beyond what I have seen before and it's truly what makes the show real. I hate that the show has ended but I am enjoying the memories and warm feelings I get when I remember the story. I don't watch TV much so I have no clue what is on but if they had more shows like this, I would probably watch more.
Enjoy!
I am in love with the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers.
When I visited Peru a couple of months ago, I remember some of the young Peruvian girls being completely obsessed with this Korean drama (kinda like a soap opera minus the endless story line and blatant sex) called Boys Over Flowers. For some reason its just struck me as odd that Peruvian kids were watching Korean shows. They were caught up in the fantasy world and desperately wanted their lives to be like the main characters. A few weeks ago, I was reminded again of the drama by a couple of girls in my small group and since I tend to have LOTS of down time at work, I figured I would check it out since it was available on Netflix (I have the app on my smart phone).
25 episodes, some tears, screams, near panic attacks, and victorious cheers later, I am finally finished with the entire series. Unlike American shows, Korean dramas don't drag on needlessly for 12 season until their is nothing left to write about. Korean dramas end after anywhere between 10-50 episodes. Boys Over Flowers was the most popular drama in South Asia about a year ago and it spread like wildfire to other countries. Now that it has ended, I honestly feel like I have parted ways with some old friends after experience a roller coaster of adventures, heartaches, mixed emotions, betrayals, disappointments, redemption and triumphs. I enjoy a good love story and this definitely was one I could appreciate without having to shield my eyes from flashes of half naked women.
If you have some free time and enjoy foreign shows, I would highly suggest Boys Over Flowers to anyone. It's a high school drama but a far cry from Gossip Girl and 90210. It's cheesy but heartwarming at the same time. The emotions of the actors is far beyond what I have seen before and it's truly what makes the show real. I hate that the show has ended but I am enjoying the memories and warm feelings I get when I remember the story. I don't watch TV much so I have no clue what is on but if they had more shows like this, I would probably watch more.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
God's Not Fair...Thank Goodness
I'm still chugging along with the book The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel. I downloaded the ebook to my laptop and spent about an hour highlighting and making notes for myself because there is so much truth to the words in the book. If I had the actual hard copy, there would be an abundance of highlights, pen scribbles, dog eared pages, and Post It Notes.
I was reading through the section on knowing God but thinking that He is not fair when a light bulb came on. I know I have had plenty of episodes where I questioned God because I didn't think He was being fair in my life. Why do the people that don't believe in God or adhere to His commands seem to prosper more than those who follow Him whole-heartedly? Why was my prayer for a new job not answered? Why did I pray for a Ebony's new born baby only to have him die a few days later? In my mind, none of it makes sense.
In my reading, I unearthed Psalm 103:10-12 that says, " God does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." God is not fair and that's actually a good thing. If He were a fair God, everyone on Earth should be wiped out. We are sinners by nature and we all know that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Think about it.
Life often times will not be fair. That's just how it is. Yet, at the end of the day, we serve a God who is loving and just. He provided the ultimate sacrifice so that we can be redeemed and saved from our sins. He did the ultimate act of love by sending us Jesus, our Savior. No matter how many times we think He isn't fair because life doesn't always go the way we think it should, we need to always remembers that He loves us, He cares for us, He desire for us to live an abundant life, He yearns for us. He will always make things work together for the good of those that believe in Him. Hard times will happen and many we won't even begin to understand. Lean not into your own understanding and trust God. He is just because He forgives us, He is not fair because He loves us.
I was reading through the section on knowing God but thinking that He is not fair when a light bulb came on. I know I have had plenty of episodes where I questioned God because I didn't think He was being fair in my life. Why do the people that don't believe in God or adhere to His commands seem to prosper more than those who follow Him whole-heartedly? Why was my prayer for a new job not answered? Why did I pray for a Ebony's new born baby only to have him die a few days later? In my mind, none of it makes sense.
In my reading, I unearthed Psalm 103:10-12 that says, " God does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." God is not fair and that's actually a good thing. If He were a fair God, everyone on Earth should be wiped out. We are sinners by nature and we all know that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Think about it.
Life often times will not be fair. That's just how it is. Yet, at the end of the day, we serve a God who is loving and just. He provided the ultimate sacrifice so that we can be redeemed and saved from our sins. He did the ultimate act of love by sending us Jesus, our Savior. No matter how many times we think He isn't fair because life doesn't always go the way we think it should, we need to always remembers that He loves us, He cares for us, He desire for us to live an abundant life, He yearns for us. He will always make things work together for the good of those that believe in Him. Hard times will happen and many we won't even begin to understand. Lean not into your own understanding and trust God. He is just because He forgives us, He is not fair because He loves us.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
If God Is Really God, Then Live For Him Like He Is Really God
I started reading Craig Groeschel's book The Christian Atheist the other day. It's been on my reading wish list for a while now and thanks to an amazing Kindle ebook special, I got that book and Weird for $2.99 each. I can always tell a book is right on time for me if its a struggle for me to get through it due to a little bit of conviction and down right honesty with myself. The Christian Atheist is messing me up for real. Best $2.99 I've spent in a long time.
I believe in God. I do the church thing. I serve. I mentor women. I lead a small group. I do missions trips. I pray for coworkers who threaten to kill themselves. I fast. I spend hours in the Furnace in prayer. I lead outreaches in the community. I blog about all the amazing things I have experienced and have been delivered from thanks to God's saving grace. I don't have sex. I feed the homeless. I stand up for victims of human trafficking. I worship with the best of them. I teach my kids to love God. I teach Aiden to pray for Jesus to heal his eczema and asthma. I teach Gavin to be a leader worth following. I am the ideal Christian.
Despite all my works, my testimony, hearing God's voice with my own ears, I don't always trust God. I don't always believe Him or believe in Him. I trust Him in my head but sometimes trusting Him in my heart doesn't happen. I doubt what He says He will do. I doubt that if I leave my job like He has told me to, He will truly be my provider and take care of me and my boys. I doubt that He will supernaturally open doors and provide favor for me. I doubt that He hears all of my prayers. I doubt that He really wants me to write books. I doubt that He will make a way for me to have a ministry that allows me to be aid in "setting the captives free."
I am a Christian Atheist. Commence throwing stones.
Even in my moments of doubt and skepticism, I still know that God is not threatened by my unbelief. He is still God even when I am shaky. He is still God even when I don't feel courageous. He is still God when I am riddled with fear. He is still God even when I don't trust Him. He is still God because even in all my chaos, He still speaks to me. He still chases after me. He still gives nudges me to remind me that He has more blessings than I can even imagine waiting for me to receive. He is still God because He is never changing.
"If God is really God, then live like He is really God." That was the challenge that Pastor Johnson gave. Even in my Christian atheism, I know that God is really God. It's time I start living like He is really God. Time to search my life and expose areas where I have compromised, where I have grown lukewarm, where I have doubt & fear. Time to live like God is really God everyday, not just in a time of crisis.
If God is really God, then live like He is really God. Period.
I believe in God. I do the church thing. I serve. I mentor women. I lead a small group. I do missions trips. I pray for coworkers who threaten to kill themselves. I fast. I spend hours in the Furnace in prayer. I lead outreaches in the community. I blog about all the amazing things I have experienced and have been delivered from thanks to God's saving grace. I don't have sex. I feed the homeless. I stand up for victims of human trafficking. I worship with the best of them. I teach my kids to love God. I teach Aiden to pray for Jesus to heal his eczema and asthma. I teach Gavin to be a leader worth following. I am the ideal Christian.
Despite all my works, my testimony, hearing God's voice with my own ears, I don't always trust God. I don't always believe Him or believe in Him. I trust Him in my head but sometimes trusting Him in my heart doesn't happen. I doubt what He says He will do. I doubt that if I leave my job like He has told me to, He will truly be my provider and take care of me and my boys. I doubt that He will supernaturally open doors and provide favor for me. I doubt that He hears all of my prayers. I doubt that He really wants me to write books. I doubt that He will make a way for me to have a ministry that allows me to be aid in "setting the captives free."
I am a Christian Atheist. Commence throwing stones.
Even in my moments of doubt and skepticism, I still know that God is not threatened by my unbelief. He is still God even when I am shaky. He is still God even when I don't feel courageous. He is still God when I am riddled with fear. He is still God even when I don't trust Him. He is still God because even in all my chaos, He still speaks to me. He still chases after me. He still gives nudges me to remind me that He has more blessings than I can even imagine waiting for me to receive. He is still God because He is never changing.
"If God is really God, then live like He is really God." That was the challenge that Pastor Johnson gave. Even in my Christian atheism, I know that God is really God. It's time I start living like He is really God. Time to search my life and expose areas where I have compromised, where I have grown lukewarm, where I have doubt & fear. Time to live like God is really God everyday, not just in a time of crisis.
If God is really God, then live like He is really God. Period.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
My Wedding Disater
So last night I had a rather detailed dream about me preparing for my wedding. You would think that because its my wedding day, I would be dreaming about all the excitement, the love, etc. Yeah, not me. My dreams about weddings tend to be nothing short of a disaster. Since this was a dream that I could clearly remember and feel, I am going to assume this was a God dream. So here goes.
When the dream started, I was getting myself dressed and I was alone. I was about to just put on my wedding dress like I was putting on any old sun dress when I realized I should probably put on some of those fancy wedding gown lingerie type things. There was no sense of care and delicacy with me getting dressed. So I'm standing in front of a full length mirror (I have significantly lost weight!) attempting to put on this corset type bustier but for some reason, it just was not working out right. I didn't have any help and I was in this dark, drab, creepy looking room. Everything around me was very dark and the only light I had was the little bit of light that was shining on me as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. It almost looked like I was getting dressed in a dungeon or something.
So I get my dress on and this dress just was not pretty. It was a two piece dress and was very ill fitting and wrinkled and plain. There is no happiness, no excitement. Just a sense of "let's get this over with." So I start searching for my white shoes to wear with my dress but I cannot find them anywhere. I go into what I guess was my closet to find the shoe box with the white heels. It was pitch dark and I only had a flashlight to light my way. I get on my hands and knees in my white wedding dress and crawl on the floor looking for the shoes. I see different shoe boxes exactly like the ones in my closet now, but the white shoes for my dress were no where to be found. I become absolutely frantic and hysterical over shoes. I ended up just putting on a pair of flat silver sandals that looked like this:
Surprised I even found the shoes I was wearing. Crazy. And you see why I was not happy because I don't even like those shoes. I remember trying to hide my feet under the dress so no one could tell I was wearing those shoes.
The next scene is me walking out of the house with my dress on. I am walking on the side of the white house in the grass and a woman walks passed me. She stops and frowns up at my hair (which I did not do when I was getting dressed). She attempts to arrange my hair and puts in a hair piece. I don't see what type of hair piece it was but I could feel the clasp and tugging as she arranged it. I get into the car with my friend Diana who is going to take me to the church. The wedding is supposed to start at 5PM and I believe it was about 4PM then.
Diana has to make a stop before heading to the church and I am hesitant about it because we are already running late. We park at what I now realize is Lillian Webb Park in Norcross not to far from my home. There is parking surrounding the park with a church and a community center across the street. Diana goes to one of the buildings across the street and I take a walk along the sidewalk around the park. I start to get this feeling of absolute dread because I am about to marry someone I do not love. I never know who my intended groom is but I just know who ever it is is not someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. I start saying out loud that I do not want to get married and I do not love this man. I start to wonder how I got myself into this predicament and how I was going to go through with a wedding I don't even want. I start to feel completely overwhelmed with dread and regret. I am looking down at my wedding dress which is dirty from me crawling around on the floor and walking in the grass. I start to twist at my skit (2 piece dress) because it was such a bad fitting dress and get even more frustrated. I get to the cross walk and cross the street. I pass by a window and see my reflection and it is horrible. The hair piece is just this huge ball shaped mass of curls sitting on top of my head and my dress is dirty. I am not happy.
I look away from the window and glance across the street towards the park and I see my a guy friend of mine. He is wearing jeans and a blue polo shirt and is heading towards the same building (the community center) that I am. The next scene is my friend and I standing in the lobby. He is sitting in a chair and I am standing across from him along a wall. I look down and I see wood floors. I find out the time is now well past 6PM (either 6:24 or 6:42 PM) so I am officially late for my wedding. I get frantic wondering where Diana has disappeared to since she was my ride. My friend, in his typical joking manner asks "Why are you so upset? Got somewhere to be?" I shoot him an "Are you kidding?" look as if he can't see that I am in a wedding dress. He apologizes nervously then for some strange reason starts to fling semi-melted Sour Patch Kids candy at my dress. Since the candy is melted it sticks to my top and smears leaving red and green globs everywhere.
I get upset and scold him and realize I am just about to have a nervous breakdown because everything bad that could happen on your wedding day is happening, cold feet and all. I then start to realize I don't have any make up on nor do I have any jewelry on. I start to get frantic again because I realize I don't have something old, something borrow, or something blue. When I think about something new, I get a vision of a silver or platinum necklace with a diamond heart shaped pendant. I feel my mood brighten for that brief moment and I see myself standing in this bright white light with a beautiful, spotless white wedding dress on. The vision of the necklace and me in the beautiful white dress only lasts for a second and I am back in the lobby with my friend in my dirty dress.
I get so overcome with sadness, fear, and regret that I just start crying. My guy friend rushes over and hugs me because he is the only person around. He comforts me and reassures me that everything will be okay. I hear him saying "Shh. Don't cry. It's all going to be okay." I continue crying uncontrollably and he never lets me go. I never see Diana again in the dream and it just ends with my friend and I hugging.
The alarm wakes me up out of my sleep and its over.
When the dream started, I was getting myself dressed and I was alone. I was about to just put on my wedding dress like I was putting on any old sun dress when I realized I should probably put on some of those fancy wedding gown lingerie type things. There was no sense of care and delicacy with me getting dressed. So I'm standing in front of a full length mirror (I have significantly lost weight!) attempting to put on this corset type bustier but for some reason, it just was not working out right. I didn't have any help and I was in this dark, drab, creepy looking room. Everything around me was very dark and the only light I had was the little bit of light that was shining on me as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. It almost looked like I was getting dressed in a dungeon or something.
So I get my dress on and this dress just was not pretty. It was a two piece dress and was very ill fitting and wrinkled and plain. There is no happiness, no excitement. Just a sense of "let's get this over with." So I start searching for my white shoes to wear with my dress but I cannot find them anywhere. I go into what I guess was my closet to find the shoe box with the white heels. It was pitch dark and I only had a flashlight to light my way. I get on my hands and knees in my white wedding dress and crawl on the floor looking for the shoes. I see different shoe boxes exactly like the ones in my closet now, but the white shoes for my dress were no where to be found. I become absolutely frantic and hysterical over shoes. I ended up just putting on a pair of flat silver sandals that looked like this:
Surprised I even found the shoes I was wearing. Crazy. And you see why I was not happy because I don't even like those shoes. I remember trying to hide my feet under the dress so no one could tell I was wearing those shoes.
The next scene is me walking out of the house with my dress on. I am walking on the side of the white house in the grass and a woman walks passed me. She stops and frowns up at my hair (which I did not do when I was getting dressed). She attempts to arrange my hair and puts in a hair piece. I don't see what type of hair piece it was but I could feel the clasp and tugging as she arranged it. I get into the car with my friend Diana who is going to take me to the church. The wedding is supposed to start at 5PM and I believe it was about 4PM then.
Diana has to make a stop before heading to the church and I am hesitant about it because we are already running late. We park at what I now realize is Lillian Webb Park in Norcross not to far from my home. There is parking surrounding the park with a church and a community center across the street. Diana goes to one of the buildings across the street and I take a walk along the sidewalk around the park. I start to get this feeling of absolute dread because I am about to marry someone I do not love. I never know who my intended groom is but I just know who ever it is is not someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. I start saying out loud that I do not want to get married and I do not love this man. I start to wonder how I got myself into this predicament and how I was going to go through with a wedding I don't even want. I start to feel completely overwhelmed with dread and regret. I am looking down at my wedding dress which is dirty from me crawling around on the floor and walking in the grass. I start to twist at my skit (2 piece dress) because it was such a bad fitting dress and get even more frustrated. I get to the cross walk and cross the street. I pass by a window and see my reflection and it is horrible. The hair piece is just this huge ball shaped mass of curls sitting on top of my head and my dress is dirty. I am not happy.
I look away from the window and glance across the street towards the park and I see my a guy friend of mine. He is wearing jeans and a blue polo shirt and is heading towards the same building (the community center) that I am. The next scene is my friend and I standing in the lobby. He is sitting in a chair and I am standing across from him along a wall. I look down and I see wood floors. I find out the time is now well past 6PM (either 6:24 or 6:42 PM) so I am officially late for my wedding. I get frantic wondering where Diana has disappeared to since she was my ride. My friend, in his typical joking manner asks "Why are you so upset? Got somewhere to be?" I shoot him an "Are you kidding?" look as if he can't see that I am in a wedding dress. He apologizes nervously then for some strange reason starts to fling semi-melted Sour Patch Kids candy at my dress. Since the candy is melted it sticks to my top and smears leaving red and green globs everywhere.
I get upset and scold him and realize I am just about to have a nervous breakdown because everything bad that could happen on your wedding day is happening, cold feet and all. I then start to realize I don't have any make up on nor do I have any jewelry on. I start to get frantic again because I realize I don't have something old, something borrow, or something blue. When I think about something new, I get a vision of a silver or platinum necklace with a diamond heart shaped pendant. I feel my mood brighten for that brief moment and I see myself standing in this bright white light with a beautiful, spotless white wedding dress on. The vision of the necklace and me in the beautiful white dress only lasts for a second and I am back in the lobby with my friend in my dirty dress.
I get so overcome with sadness, fear, and regret that I just start crying. My guy friend rushes over and hugs me because he is the only person around. He comforts me and reassures me that everything will be okay. I hear him saying "Shh. Don't cry. It's all going to be okay." I continue crying uncontrollably and he never lets me go. I never see Diana again in the dream and it just ends with my friend and I hugging.
The alarm wakes me up out of my sleep and its over.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Think Before You Leap
I was listening to one of the local popular morning radio shows this morning on the way to work. I usually have a CD playing or riding in silence (my only bit of quiet time in my hectic days) so it must have been a fluke that I was listening.
Anyway, the show brought a listener into the studio to get some feedback on her current marital situation. I didn't catch the begining but was able to figure out what this poor newlywed bride Joanne was going through with her husband Jason. Her husband is currently in New York training and interviewing for jobs in the investment banking field. Joanne is still in Atlanta alone. Due to the high demands of his training, he often goes days without talking with Joanne. This is their first year of marriage so to be separated and lacking communication is adding stress to their situation.
To make matters worse, once he secures a job, they will be moving to New York for about 3-5 years where they have no friends or family. Jason is former military and Joanne admitted that her fear of having to be separated from him due to deployment prompted him to leave that career behind, go back to school for finance and enter a more lucrative career in investment banking. Joanne also admitted that as loving and wonderful as her husband is, he does have a pattern of putting military, school, and now investment banking first above her feelings. What stuck out to me the most was when she tearful said that she finally realized she married her father. Her father worked so much that he missed her growing up and that's never what she wanted in a husband.
Heartbreaking.
I love the institution of marriage and all that it stands for in the eyes of God. It saddens me when people get married and on the other side of "I Do" they realize they are on different pages about a lot of things. Some of the best marriage advice I have ever gotten was from a married friend of mine that said being married doesn't fix your problems, it only amplifies them. Joanne is realizing that she got married knowing that her husband puts career first. She was silent in making her need to know that she is the main priority out of fear of sounding insecure and ungrateful. To Jason, getting a great job as an investment banker would allow his wife to never have to work again while Joanne would rather both make less money and still have her husband home for dinner every night. She has insecurities that stem from her workaholic father that she never dealt with as an adult. In turn, her husband is now suffering for damage done years ago.
This all reminds me of why Pastor Johnson stresses the importance of courting with a purpose. Both people need to be on the same path, heading in the same direction. If she wants to be a missionary in China while he wants to be a teacher in Montana, clearly there are going to have to be some compromises made or it won't work. Joanne wants her husband present and accounted for while his main focus is providing for his family despite the sacrifices. I understand that life happens, circumstances change, and the vision may need to be tweaked at some point. Yet, somethings should be dealt with (insecurities, past hurts, priorities) should be addressed before the vows are exchanged. Marriage is tough enough as it is.
It's easier to just think about what you are getting yourself into before you leap into something that you didn't plan for. Woman make the mistake of hoping marriage makes to red flags we tried to ignore while dating, go away for good. It doesn't. I have seen too many of my married friends bring baggage to the feet of their new wives or husbands expecting them to clean up the mess someone else made. God gives us wisdom and discernment for a reason. He speaks to us even when we are too stubborn to listen to Him warn of us of pending danger. He allows us to make mistakes that He would have rather we didn't, all for the sake of us leaning on Him to pull us out of our own pit of dispair.
Think before you leap. Marriage is a lasting covenant. Don't bring extra baggage along for the ride.
Anyway, the show brought a listener into the studio to get some feedback on her current marital situation. I didn't catch the begining but was able to figure out what this poor newlywed bride Joanne was going through with her husband Jason. Her husband is currently in New York training and interviewing for jobs in the investment banking field. Joanne is still in Atlanta alone. Due to the high demands of his training, he often goes days without talking with Joanne. This is their first year of marriage so to be separated and lacking communication is adding stress to their situation.
To make matters worse, once he secures a job, they will be moving to New York for about 3-5 years where they have no friends or family. Jason is former military and Joanne admitted that her fear of having to be separated from him due to deployment prompted him to leave that career behind, go back to school for finance and enter a more lucrative career in investment banking. Joanne also admitted that as loving and wonderful as her husband is, he does have a pattern of putting military, school, and now investment banking first above her feelings. What stuck out to me the most was when she tearful said that she finally realized she married her father. Her father worked so much that he missed her growing up and that's never what she wanted in a husband.
Heartbreaking.
I love the institution of marriage and all that it stands for in the eyes of God. It saddens me when people get married and on the other side of "I Do" they realize they are on different pages about a lot of things. Some of the best marriage advice I have ever gotten was from a married friend of mine that said being married doesn't fix your problems, it only amplifies them. Joanne is realizing that she got married knowing that her husband puts career first. She was silent in making her need to know that she is the main priority out of fear of sounding insecure and ungrateful. To Jason, getting a great job as an investment banker would allow his wife to never have to work again while Joanne would rather both make less money and still have her husband home for dinner every night. She has insecurities that stem from her workaholic father that she never dealt with as an adult. In turn, her husband is now suffering for damage done years ago.
This all reminds me of why Pastor Johnson stresses the importance of courting with a purpose. Both people need to be on the same path, heading in the same direction. If she wants to be a missionary in China while he wants to be a teacher in Montana, clearly there are going to have to be some compromises made or it won't work. Joanne wants her husband present and accounted for while his main focus is providing for his family despite the sacrifices. I understand that life happens, circumstances change, and the vision may need to be tweaked at some point. Yet, somethings should be dealt with (insecurities, past hurts, priorities) should be addressed before the vows are exchanged. Marriage is tough enough as it is.
It's easier to just think about what you are getting yourself into before you leap into something that you didn't plan for. Woman make the mistake of hoping marriage makes to red flags we tried to ignore while dating, go away for good. It doesn't. I have seen too many of my married friends bring baggage to the feet of their new wives or husbands expecting them to clean up the mess someone else made. God gives us wisdom and discernment for a reason. He speaks to us even when we are too stubborn to listen to Him warn of us of pending danger. He allows us to make mistakes that He would have rather we didn't, all for the sake of us leaning on Him to pull us out of our own pit of dispair.
Think before you leap. Marriage is a lasting covenant. Don't bring extra baggage along for the ride.
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